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The frequency with which they're commissioned and published in France would have you believe the French do...well at least the country's media does when the news schedule is slack or journalists feel like a good old job of "professional" political speculation.
The latest "nonsense" poll to be published is one carried out by OpinionWay for Le Figaro and LCI telling us that if the 2017 presidential election were to take place today (well, you know how these things work) François Hollande would not make it past the first round.
He would only win 18 per cent of the vote in the first round, trailing both the far-right Front National (FN) leader Marine Le Pen (25 per cent) and the (presumed) candidate for the centre-right Union pour un Mouvement Populaire (Union for a Popular Movement, UMP) Nicolas Sarkozy (29 per cent).
In other words the presidential second round in 2017 would be between Le Pen and Sarkozy.
(screenshot OpinionWay poll of voting intentions)
"Allô ! Non mais allô, quoi," to quote a great modern day French thinker.
What's this all about.
Seriously - forecasting results three years hence, based on a poll taken today is...well, misleading to say the least.
Of course it's probably one of the drawbacks of the "quinquennat" or the five-year presidential mandate passed by Jacques Chirac in 2000 and first used in 2002 to replace the previous seven-year term in office.
No sooner has a president been elected in France, than attention seems to focus on what might or could happen five years down the line.
Of course Hollande is unpopular at the moment. We know that because...well the polls keep telling us and the media delights in repeating it.
But predicting that Hollande might not even make it past the first round in 2017 when he's not even halfway through his term in office is...well surely complete and utter nonsense.
In fact it's a non story and one of pure fiction.
Sure it feeds into the widely-held (according to those very same opinion polls) belief that Hollande is incompetent, lacks clear vision and was the major reason for his Socialist party's defeat in last month's local elections,
But in and of itself, the survey says nothing about the likely outcome in 2017. Rather it's just a snapshot of current opinion and the image those polled have of Hollande.
After all, if a week is proverbially "a long time in politics", what the heck does that make three years?
Not convinced? Then just take a look at what a poll, taken at a similar stage during Sarkozy's term in office, predicted for the first round of the 2012 election - two years before the Dominique Strauss-Kahn affair hit the headlines.
Sarkozy followed by Martine Aubry and François Bayrou.
The headlines in France on Monday said it all, didn't they?
The Socialist party had won a healthy majority in the parliamentary elections and are now in a position to go it alone without the "help" of Europe Écologie - Les Verts (EELV) - let's just call them the Greens (not the cabbage variety) for simplicity - or the Front de Gauche coalition of far-left parties.
Some of those long-awaited and potentially far-reaching social policies can now be introduced although the jury is most definitely out on the capacity of this (or any) government to be able to deal with the Eurozone problems, France's debt and commitment to balancing the books.
Don't be surprised to discover the government forced to introduce spending cuts and tax increases along the lines of those centrist François Bayrou outlined in his presidential campaign but nobody else really wanted to discuss because apparently the French didn't want to hear about them.
The weekend's results were a resounding "yes" to what the Socialist party has to offer and a "strong vote of confidence in the new president," as far as finance minister Pierre Moscovici was concerned.
Really?
A "strong vote of confidence" and a resounding "yes" when only 55.41 per cent of those registered to vote in the second round actually bothered to do so.
Yep, once again the abstention rate - logically, if you do the maths - 44.59 per cent was surely a major player in the outcome.
The only "resounding" feature of the result was that a majority government was elected by a minority of the French.
(If you want to do the number crunching, take a look at the interior ministry's official figures for both rounds of voting.)
And therein lies part of the problem; the two-round run-off voting system in France which has meant that most voters have been asked to make their way to the polling stations four times in the past couple of months.
They turned out in force for the two rounds of the presidential elections in April/May (79.48 and 80.35 respectively) so there's surely not argument about the French not being interested in politics or the future of their country.
But the number of times they've been called to the ballot boxes recently must have led to a certain feeling voter fatigue.
That combined with the perception maybe that the parliamentary elections were a "done deal" with the Socialist party virtually guaranteed to have some sort of majority, probably put many off voting even if they had felt so inclined.
And not forgetting that the two-round system of voting will have meant for many that they were left with an option for plumping for one of two (sometimes three) candidates who were - well quite frankly - not of their choosing.
But help is at hand in a manner of speaking.
The government (although undoubtedly happy with a healthy majority) realises there's a problem and is apparently ready to consider revamping the electoral calendar (and there's even talk - heaven forbid - of re-introducing proportional representation).
The prime minister, Jean-Marc Ayrault, has said that shortening the time between the presidential and parliamentary elections could be one solution and there's even the possibility of holding them both on the same day.
"We'll give ourselves the time necessary to think about it," he said on national radio at the weekend. "The next (presidential and parliamentary) elections aren't until 2017.
In the meantime of course the French will still be asked to trot down to the polling stations in the country's seemingly never-ending cycle of elections, although they'll be given some respite for at least a couple of years.
And then it'll be all systems go.
The regional and cantonal elections have been combined to become l'élection des conseillers territoriaux and are scheduled for the same year as the municipal elections - 2014.
And later the same year there'll be elections to the European parliament.
Well that was an interesting weekend politically-speaking after the French went to the polls in the first round of the parliamentary elections, wasn't it?
No?
Oh all right then - predictable and tedious perhaps although it threw up a few fascinating results here and there.
And let's face it, TV and radio did their best to make a show of it, clearing their schedules and inviting all the usual suspects to comment and analyse.
Perhaps it wasn't quite the "triumph" for the Socialist party as suggested by an early headline on the BBC (thankfully it was changed to reflect better the actual outcome with a more measured "Socialists and allies win first round") but it was at least a promise of a reasonable working majority - either with or without Leftist partners after the second round of voting next Sunday.
In reality the biggest winner on the day was, as pointed out by many political pundits, the abstention rate.
Only 57.23 per cent of the country's 46 million voters turned out to cast their ballots. Or put another way, 42.77 per cent couldn't be bothered - a record for the fifth republic.
And although it might not seem so important, with France's complicated process of calculating which candidates can make it through to the second round, a number of them didn't make the required cut - even though at first sight they scored pretty high on the day.
Most of the government ministers who took the risk of standing - remember they didn't have to, but if they did and lost then they would be out on their ears - did pretty well.
Six of the 25 who stood were elected in the first round, among them big hitters prime minister Jean-Marc Ayrault and foreign minister Laurent Fabius.
A clutch of others should have no problem in the second-round run off including those considered to have taken the biggest risk: the minister of agriculture Stéphane Le Foll, and the culture minister, Aurélie Filippetti.
There could be one casualty after the second round though, in the shape of the minister for the disabled, Marie-Arlette Carlotti.
Some "personalities" from across the political spectrum came a cropper, most notably perhaps the former junior minister for human rights and later when that post was scrapped, junior minister for sport, Rama Yade.
She didn't make it through to the second round in the constituency in which she was standing in the suburbs of Paris.
Yade, who was one of the three high-profile ethnic minority figures in Nicolas Sarkozy's first government now finds herself in a political wilderness of sorts, but at 36 is young and certainly talented enough to bounce back quickly.
The same cannot be said for François Bayrou. The leader of the Centrist party Mouvement démocrate (MoDem) has been a member of parliament for "his" Pyrénées-Atlantiques constituency (described as his "fiefdom" - so very typical of French politics) for donkeys years (well since 1988, when it was created).
But the multi-presidential candidate (three times so far) is in serious danger of losing out to the Socialist party's Nathalie Chabanne in the second round. Clearly Bayrou's gesture of openly declaring he would vote for François Hollande in the presidential run-off against Sarkozy is having its impact - and not in the way Bayrou would want.
And then there's Seggers - or Ségolène Royal if you wish - parachuted into a safe seat only to find herself up against another (more local) Socialist, Olivier Falorni.
He ignored party instructions not to stand and was summarily suspended. But he finished just behind Seggers in the first round, is continuing his prolonged fit of pique (in protest at the practice of candidates being parachuted) and could well cost Royal a seat.
The Socialist party's "Big Guns" including - figure this - Martine Aubrey - are rallying behind Seggers, proving there's nowt so peculiar or erratic as a politician.
It's a similar story for former interior minister Claude Guéant.
He too has been parachuted into a safe seat - this time in the Paris suburbs - for the centre-right Union pour un mouvement populaire (Union for a popular movement, UMP).
Just like Seggers, Guéant finds himself up against someone (Thierry Solère) from his own party who is locally-based and who's refusing to follow orders.
Finally in this briefest of brief looks (which is decidedly longer than intended) there was the much-publicised but ultimately flat duel between the two extremes in a constituency in the north of France: far-left leader Jean-Luc Mélenchon taking on far-right leader Marine Le Pen.
The two had of course traded verbal punches - or not, as one refused to debate directly with the other - in this year's presidential campaign for which they were both candidates.
On Sunday, Mélenchon failed to make it through to the second round, blaming everyone but himself in the process while Le Pen finished first and is still in with a shout (as far as she's concerned) of winning the seat.
Should she pull it off, she might not be the only member of the Front National - or the only Le Pen come to that - in the new parliament.
Gilbert Collard in one of the constituencies in the département of Gard in southern France, is well-placed to win his seat, especially if his UMP opponent, Etienne Mourrut pulls out of the three-way race (with the Socialist party's Katy Guyot).
No hesitation though for the Socialist party in one of the constituencies in the neighbouring département of Vaucluse.
It has withdrawn its candidate from the second round to allow the UMP contender to go head-to-head with a certain Marion Maréchal-Le Pen, yes the 22-year-old niece of Marine and granddaughter of Jean-Marie.
Maybe the most interesting outcome of the first round though is the possibility that the Front National stands a real chance of winning seats.
There might not be nearly as many as there were in 1986 when the party won 35 seats under the (thankfully) short-lived system of proportional representation introduced (for very political reasons of course) for the parliamentary elections by the then-president François Mitterrand.
But winning a handful of seats under the French system of first past the post would give the Front National the political credibility it craves and demands.
Little wonder then that Le Pen (Marine that is) is targeting some high profile UMP candidates by urging FN voters to "go Socialist" in a manner of speaking.
Perhaps though an event in that very constituency where Mélenchon and Le Pen did battle last weekend best reflects the first round results or at least how many French might feel about them.
It was the fate of one of the other candidates - there were 14 of them - standing in that constituency, Daniel Cucchiaro.
An independent ecologist (always a bad sign), Cucchiaro finished last; no shame in that as someone has to.
It was the style in which he did it though - winning zero per cent of ballots cast because...well...nobody had voted for him.
It's the final stretch as far as campaigning in the French presidential elections is concerned.
And before voters go to the polls in the first round of voting, those kind folk over at the daily satirical puppet show Les Guignols de l'info on Canal + have provided us with some much-needed and surely heartily welcome relief.
Hosted by (the puppet of) Nikos Aliagas (of Star Academy and now The Voice fame) it was a collection of sketches in which four political parties and their candidates were portrayed bemoaning their fate, offering their apologies and airing their fears.
The Top 10 countdown was simple, highly amusing and very affective.
In each case a well-known song was used, the lyrics changed and the scene set to explore themes central, as far as Les Guignols were concerned, to the campaigns of Eva Joly, François Bayrou, Nicolas Sarkozy and François Hollande.
First up were the Greens in a reworked version of "Le temps des cathédrales" from Notre-Dame de Paris, the 1998 French musical somewhat cruelly described by the Independent when it opened in London a couple of years later as a "load of old bells".
Had the party chosen the wrong candidate in Eva Joly rather the potentially more popular TV documentary maker and environmentalist Nicolas Hulot?
In a version of French singer Bénabar's 2011 song "Politiquement correct", François Bayrou appeared alongside his sidekick Philippe Douste-Blazy proclaiming his centrist values but admitting that he (polite interpretation) "annoyed voters".
To the strains of the 2010 hit "Désolé" by French rappers Sexion d'Assaut, Nicolas Sarkozy, and the rest of his UMP party, apologised to the French and blamed any/all of the country's ills on the international financial crisis.
There's a wonderful moment at the end when a seemingly hyperactive Nadine Morano cannot resist having the last word.
And finally, topping the lot, was François Hollande and the rest of the Socialist party in their version of Belgian singer-songwriter Stromae's monster hit "Alors on danse" in which Hollande fears his campaign could go belly-up in much the same way as his former partner Ségolène Royal's did in 2007 and even worse Lionel Jospin's in 2002.
Just to add to the fun, it's all done karaoké-style so, if you know the tune and feel like joining in, you can.
It's French presidential election year - just in case you hadn't noticed.
That of course means a chance for each of the candidates to outline where they stand on certain issues and that includes a whole raft of social policies.
They have their differences of course. That's only to be expected.
And one area where those divergences are perhaps most marked is when it comes to the subject of same-sex marriage and parents of the same sex being allowed to adopt.
Neither are currently allowed in France, but that could all change. It depends on who wins the presidential elections.
Broadly speaking, the main candidates fall into three camps.
First of all there are those who are against same-sex marriage (Nicolas Sarkozy and Marine Le Pen) or would perhaps be willing to consider modification to the existing civil partnership law (in the case of Sarkozy) and are opposed to same-sex couples being able to adopt (both Sarkozy and Le Pen).
Then there are those who are in favour of equal rights on both issues - François Hollande, Jean-Luc Mélenchon and Eva Joly.
And finally there's François Bayrou, who of course manages his own particular mix of being against same-sex marriage but for a change in the civil partnership laws and in favour of same-sex couples being able to adopt.
To make things clearer on the subject, the weekly women's magazine Femme Actuelle interviewed six women; five of whom represent each of the main candidates and the sixth, Marine Le Pen, who is of course standing for the far-right Front National.
Here's what some of them had to say.
Speaking for the candidates (screenshot from Femme Actuelle video)
Claude Greff (for Sarkozy), the junior minister for family said that Sarkozy had proposed a change in the civil union in 2007 to create one that would be "specifically for same-sex couples" but it was ruled anti-constitutional.
As far as same-sex marriage is concerned, Sarkozy is against it because it "opens the door to sam-sex couples being able to adopt" and the existing laws which allows single people to adopt is sufficient as it also gives homosexuals the right to adopt.
Anne Hidalgo (for François Hollande) a member of the Socialist party's election campaign team says the belief that both should be made legal is a "right" that has been close to Hollande's heart for some time.
"It's time for politicians to catch up with public opinion and what actually happens in society," she says.
"The two issues have to be treated in the same parliamentary session and Hollande's pledge is to do that by the end of this year."
Civil union should be an absolute right for everyone as far as Bayrou is concerned. And on the question of adoption, "He is a humanist", says Marielle de Sarnez, the vice president of MoDem.
"These children (of same-sex couples) exist," she says. "
Of course adoption needs to have a judicial basis which protects the needs of the child."
Finally speaking for herself, Marine La Pen says quite categorically that she's against both.
"I think a child should have a mother and a father," she says.
While she doesn't intend to reverse the PACS, as far as same-sex marriage is concerned, it's a no-go.
"I think it's just the wishes of an extreme minority," she says.
"I know plenty of homosexuals and not one of them has spoken out in favour of wanting to get married.
Femme Actuelle also interviewed two other women; Clémentine Autain (for Jean-Luc Mélenchon), a member of the Front de Gauche campaign team, and Dominique Voynet, a spokeswoman for the Europe Écologie Les Verts candidate, Eva Joly.
On the subject of same-sex marriage and same-sex couples being allowed to adopt, they were, not surprisingly, both in agreement with Hollande.
Take a look at the remainder of the interviews if you can.
Wednesday sees the launch of a campaign by the L'Association pour le droit de mourir dans la dignité (ADMD) to persuade some of the French presidential candidates to rethink their positions on euthanasia.
In what the French media is describing as a campaign meant to shock, the association uses retouched images of three presidential candidates, all of whom are opposed to legislation which would, in the words of ADMD, "allow active assistance to those who wish to die".
François Bayrou, Marine Le Pen and Nicolas Sarkozy are all featured, ill in hospital beds and each of them is asked the question, "Do we have to put you in such a position to change your views on euthanasia."
While the images are definitely striking, the campaign is not one meant to shock but to change the opinion of the three candidates on the issue of the right to die, according to the president of ADMD, Jean-Luc Romero.
"We're all going to die at some point, but sometimes politicians behave as though they don't know that," he told RTL radio.
"There are millions of French who are regularly confronted with seeing someone in a hospital bed and they don't find it shocking," he continued.
"We wanted to choose the three candidates who were quite adamant that they were against introducing legislation that would allow people to die with dignity."
The campaign is part of an attempt by ADMD to raise an issue, which as far as Romero is concerned, has its place as part of the presidential debate.
At the end of the month the association will hold a rally in Paris and a conference to which it will invite all the presidential candidates.
Is the campaign really going to change the minds or policies of politicians who have already explained why they're against euthanasia?
Is it shocking and perhaps in bad taste?
Or is it a reminder that, if you believe an Ifop poll carried out for ADMD last year, politicians in France are well behind the current thinking of the population at large when it comes to legislation.
Watching the French president, Nicolas Sarkozy, making his way around the annual Salon d'Agriculture in Paris on Saturday was more than just a little surreal.
Surrounded by a heaving scrum of journalists armed with microphones and cameras, Sarkozy spent over four hours at the show in his official capacity but, this being an election year, much more was riding on his presence and of course his behaviour.
Few will forget his now infamous 2008 visit to the show and the "Casse toi, pauvre con" mark he left on it.
And, on several occasions since, he has not exactly endeared himself to France's farmers with some of his comments.
He's also a devout towny - born and bred - who, according to political journalist Michaël Darmon, has always insisted that when he has been zapping around the country in his official capacity, he manages to avoid, in so far as possible, staying overnight in "the provinces".
But Darmon says Sarkozy's advisors have done their work and he also seems to have realised the importance of appearing to be a friend of the country's farmers, to such an extent that a recent opinion poll showed him to be well ahead in their voting intentions.
Farmers may have apparently been won over, but does anybody else really believe that Sarkozy actually enjoys nibbling on the smelliest of cheeses, watching cows being milked or having to pat a handsome horse?
Nicolas Sarkozy at the Salon d'Agriculture (screenshot TF1 news)
Somehow it just all seems to be too contrived and so very far from the obvious enjoyment displayed by his predecessor, Jacques Chirac, who always appeared to be at ease taking a healthy swig of whatever was pressed into his hand or tucking in to regional produce.
Still, four hours of pressing the flesh and proving to the French electorate that he is every much a child of rural France as the next man or woman is an essential part of Sarkozy's road to re-election.
And it's one all the other candidates will have to endure or enjoy if they wish to replace him at the Elysée palace.
The day after Sarkozy's visit, it was the turn of François Bayrou, leader of the centrist Mouvement démocrate (Democratic Movement, MoDem) party and there was no real difficulty for the "son of a farming family" as he is always eager to point out.
It's presidential election year here in France and the race is on to qualify for the first round.
Perhaps one of the decidedly weird, and in the eyes of some, not-so-wonderful quirks of the country's political system is the way potential candidates meet the requirements to appear on the first round ballot.
In short (and of course as this is France, it's much more complicated than at first appears) they have to collect at least 500 signatures from the country's 47,000-odd elected representatives and submit them for validation to the Constitutional Council by March 16.
The pool of potential signatories includes the country's 37,000 or so mayors, parliamentarians be they national or those representing France at the European level - as well as general and regional councillors.
Anyone failing to get enough support will not be allowed to stand.
The task of collecting those signatures isn't an issue for the two main parties as they crank up their campaigning machines fully prepared to slug it out in the first and probably second rounds.
But for the so-called "smaller" parties, it's a problem as the lists of officials who sign are made public (they have been since 1976) and, if you believe Marine Le Pen, that appears to present a particular for her far-right Front National.
The Constitutional Council has just rejected Le Pen's request that the list of signatures remain "anonymous" on the grounds that publishing the them ensures transparency of the acts of what are, after all, elected officials.
All of which means that with only 430 "promised" signatures so far, Le Pen could find herself "going down to the wire" just as her father Jean-Marie did in the last presidential elections in 2007 when he just managed 507 signatures.
Or she might fail to meet the required numbers altogether.
Now you might not agree with her politics but, if opinion polls are to be believed, there's no denying that Le Pen has some support among the French electorate; a fact she is often to be heard drumming home in the French media which seems to have decided that she is a credible candidate.
So should she be prevented from standing because of a law that some (and not just Le Pen) claim is undemocratic, weighted against smaller parties and encourages strong-arm tactics from the Big Two?
After all, with just a couple of weeks to go before that March 16 deadline, five of the other declared candidates still fall short of the 500 signatures required, among them former prime minister Dominique de Villepin and Frédéric Nihous, the leader of the Chasse, pêche, nature et traditions (Hunting, Fishing, Nature, Traditions party, CPNT) party.
Earlier this month François Bayrou, the leader of the centrist party Mouvement démocrate (Demoncratic Movement, MoDem) and himself a presidential candidate, suggested that the larger parties, including his, ensure Le Pen's name appear on the ballot by encouraging their elected officials to "sponsor" her, if needs be.
It was an idea not just rejected by the governing centre-right Union pour un Mouvement Populaire (Union for a Popular Movement, UMP) and opposition Socialist party but also Le Pen.
So - and this of course is purely hypothetical - if you were a mayor or an elected representative in France, would you sign Le Pen's list just so that she could stand?
Now that Nicolas Sarkozy, has declared himself a candidate in this year's French presidential elections, the real campaigning is officially underway.
Nicolas Sarkozy - candidate (screenshot from TTF1 news)
In honour of the most humble and definitely unexpected confirmations of his candidacy and the equally surprising (all right, enough with the irony already) withdrawal of former defence minister Hervé Morin from the race, perhaps it's time to lighten things up a little before the debate gets too serious.
So here's a simple quiz - not to be taken too seriously.
The questions are the kind that provide answers of seemingly useless bits of information which might - or might not - come in handy.
The format used is multiple choice, so the chances are you'll get at least one of them right.
And if you don't, it either means you've not been paying attention or you have had far better things to occupy your time and mind!
So here goes.
No cheating.
The answers are at the end, after the video of Sarkozy declaring his candidacy.
1. Marriage
An easy one to begin with.
Who, in his capacity as mayor, officiated at the wedding of his second wife to her first husband?
a) François Bayrou b) François Hollande c) Nicolas Sarkozy
2. ENA
Which two candidates completed the French graduate school École Nationale d'Administration in the same year?
a) Marine Le Pen and François Bayrou b) Nathalie Arthaud and Philippe Poutou c) François Hollande and Dominique de Villepin
3. Miss
Now here's a tricky one - maybe. Who was a former beauty pageant contestant, finishing third in the national "Miss" competition?
a) Nathalie Arthaud b) Eva Joly c) Marine Le Pen
4. Government
Which of these candidates has never held a government ministerial position?
a) François Bayrou b) François Hollande c) Jean-Luc Mélenchon
5. Candidate
Who has never run for elected political office before?
a) Marine Le Pen b) Jean-Luc Mélenchon c) Dominique de Villepin
6. Childhood stutter and Irish roots
Which candidate used to stutter as a child and is related to the Irish poet Theo Dorgan?
a) François Bayrou b) François Hollande c) Marine Le Pen
7. "Capitaine de pedalo"
Just to show how fickle French political loyalties can be, which candidate who used to be in the same party as another one compared his now rival to a "Captain of a pedal boat in a storm"?
a) François Bayrou about Nicolas Sarkozy b) Jean-Luc Mélenchon about François Hollande c) Dominique de Villepin about François Bayrou
8. Young
Which of these candidates is the youngest?
a) Nathalie Arthaud b) Marine Le Pen c) Philippe Poutou
9. Twins
Which candidate has three children including teenage twins?
a) François Bayrou b) Marine Le Pen c) Dominique de Villepin
10. Height
And finally just to introduce an "international" element into an otherwise domestic quiz, if the current president, Nicolas Sarkozy were in a room with the following leaders - past and present - who is the only one over whom he would...well not exactly tower, but at least not require high heels or shoe inserts to appear taller.
a) Silvio Berlusconi b) Angela Merkel c) Dmitry Medvedev
Answers
1. Marriage
The answer is c) of course, Nicolas Sarkozy. In 1996 he was mayor of the swanky Parisian suburb of Neuilly-sir-Seine and as such married (confusing verb that) his later-to-be second wife Cécilia to her first husband, radio and television presenter Jacques Martin in 1996.
2. ENA
Another easy one, c) François Hollande and Dominique de Villepin. It was the class of 1980 "Voltaire". Another alumnus is Hollande's former partner and the 2007 Socialist party presidential candidate, Ségolène Royal. But you knew that, didn't you?
3. Miss
The answer is - and it's not something you'll find on her official website - b) Eva Joly. As an 18-year-old Joly (under her maiden name of Gro Eva Farseth) who is of course Norwegian by birth, entered the Miss Norway competition "just for fun", finishing third.
4. Government
Answer b) François Hollande has never held a ministerial position in government although he was of course First Secretary of the Socialist party from 1997-2008.
François Bayrou has been a government minister twice; from 1993-1995 he was minister for education under prime minister Édouard Balladur and again under Alain Juppé from 1995-1997, the first year of which only, also included higher education and research in his portfolio.
Jean-Luc Mélenchon was the junior minister for vocational education from 2000-2002 under prime minister Lionel Jospin.
5. Candidate
The answer is c) Dominique de Villepin. Although he has been interior minister, foreign minister and prime minister, de Villepin has never run for political office.
Le Pen, currently a regional councillor, and Mélenchon, a former senator, are both members of the European parliament.
6. Childhood stutter and Irish roots
It's a) François Bayrou. No surprises here perhaps if you're familiar with Bayrou's past two bids to become president in 2002 and 2007 as the stuttering, which he "famously overcame as a child", and his being related to the Irish poet Theo Dorgan through his maternal grandmother, Amélie, both featured in profiles run in the British and Irish media.
7. "Capitaine de pedalo"
It was of course b) Mélenchon about Hollande in an interview last November for the Le Journal du dimanche. Mélenchon also accused Hollande of pandering too much to the centre and forgetting his Socialist principles when he said, "He uses witticisms and jokes like a stubborn little social-liberal."
If only there were televised first-round debates. These two should make excellent entertaining sparring partners.
8. Youth
They're all in their 40s but Arthaud at 41 (she'll turn 42 on February 23) is the youngest. Poutou is 44 (he'll turn 45 on March 14) while Le Pen is 43.
9. Twins
The answer is b) Marine Le Pen. Unlike her politics, Le Pen pretty much keeps her personal life out of the media limelight. She's the youngest of three girls and in turn has three children; her oldest daughter was born in 1998 and her twins, a boy and a girl, in 1999.
De Villepin also has three children, two daughters and a son. His eldest child, Marie, is a model actress and singer who has used the name "Marie Steiss" professionally, had a small role which never made it past the cutting room in Quentin Tarantino's "Inglourious Basterds" and also sings in the group Pinkmist.
Bayrou is a father of six.
10 Height
Yes height is apparently a sensitive issue for Sarkozy who is said to measure in at around 1.65 metres.
That's exactly the same as the German chancellor Angela Merkel (the two do quite literally see eye to eye) and the former Italian prime minister, Silvio Berlusconi.
So the answer is c) Dmitry Medvedev who is just 1.62 metres.
To viewers of TF1's prime time news on Monday evening it must surely have seemed like a (political) declaration of love, as the leader of the Parti chrétien-démocrate (Christian democratic party, PCD), Christine Boutin, withdrew from the presidential race and threw her weight behind Nicolas Sarkozy.
Mind you, it was hardly a surprise after the weekend's glowing tribute - oops sorry - interview - in the weekend edition of the national daily Le Figaro in which Sarkozy laid out the bones of his electoral campaign - oops, sorry again - his "values for France."
In that interview, Sarkozy - the non-declared candidate to his own succession so obviously not preparing the ground to enter into the fray - expressed his views on, among other things, same-sex marriage, adoption by same-sex couples and a change in the law on euthanasia; "no" in each case.
And as far as Boutin was concerned it was proof that she and Sarkozy were finally singing from the same hymn sheet.
"Nicolas Sarkozy has shown in recent speeches and the interview in Le Figaro that he's in favour of re-inforcing the institution of marriage by rejecting the idea of same-sex marriage and he is against euthanasia," she said.
"He has made the distinction between education and instruction and lifted the taboo on immigration," she continued.
"I would say that Sarkozy has rediscovered the values that I have maintained for more than 30 years of political life," gushed a flushed Boutin.
Ah forgotten were those days when Boutin learned in rather humiliating fashion while watching television that she was no longer a government minister.
There was no longer the threat to "drop an atomic bomb" (rumoured to be a cosying-up to the leader of the centrist party François Bayrou) if she couldn't garner enough support in the form of 500 mayoral signatures necessary to run for president.
No, everything was now lovey-dovey, hunky-dory between Boutin and Sarkozy.
The two had made an "alliance to help Sarkozy win and to help France win" (no, not the Six Nations).
The political sweetener - isn't there always one - was also an apparent promise from Sarkozy to support Boutin's party in the country's parliamentary elections in June by "allowing" the PCD to field a hundred candidates in constituencies unopposed by his Union pour un mouvement populaire (Union for a Popular Movement, UMP).
What a lovely Valentine's gift.
Next up "Monsieur Zero Per Cent" Hervé Morin?
The whole of France now awaits with baited breath for Sarkozy's rumoured declaration on TF1 news some time this week.
Fancy a spot of time travel? Then French presidential candidate Hervé Morin seems more than willing to oblige.
Hervé Morin (screenshot from announcement of candidature video)
Morin isn't making life easy for himself.
His campaign launch squeaked into gear last November much to the annoyance of the ruling centre-right Union pour un Mouvement Populaire (Union for a Popular Movement, UMP) which has been urging the leader of the smaller centre-right Nouveau Centre (NC) to put aside any stately ambitions he might have and throw his weight his behind the current president Nicolas Sarkozy.
Morin, who served as Sarkozy's - sorry that should of course read prime minister François Fillon as he's supposed to be the head of the government - defence minister from May 2007 until November 2010, was having none of it though and has so far doggedly stuck to his proverbial guns (ooh a bit of a pun there).
Not that it seems to be doing him much good as his poll ratings rarely climb above one (that really need to be spellt out) percent, as impersonator Nicolas Canteloup is of so fond of reminding listeners to his radio slot in the mornings on Europe 1 and viewers to his TV sketch in the evenings.
Then there's the case of François Bayrou - who used to be a buddy of Morin when both were members of the (not quite, but to all intents and purposes now defunct or at least on paper) centre-right Union pour la Démocratie Française (UDF).
Are you following? This is French politics where allegiances are built on the shiftiest of sands.
Morin supported Bayrou when the latter became the so-called Third Man in the 2007 presidential race, but the two men fell out shortly afterwards with Morin joining the government and Bayrou setting up a new centre party Mouvement démocrate or MoDem.
In stark contrast to Morin, Bayrou's announcement of his candidature in December was judged by most political pundits as a success in terms of pushing him up the polls and into double figures. Bayrou was on a roll and for some still is, faring better than he did at the same stage last time around.
Not content with being an also also-ran (will he last the course and is anyone really bothered?) Morin has now made a complete fool of himself and provided everyone with a classic bit of political nonsense.
It happened at a meeting last weekend in the southern French city of Nice with Morin coming over all emotional as he recalled the Allied landings on the Normandy coast in 1944.
Only during his speech the 50-year-old (important bit of information that) managed an HG Wells kind of moment as he literally travelled back in time to give the impression that he had been present when the Allies landed.
"You, some among you, with grey hair, witnessed the storming of the Provence beach," he said.
"I saw the landing of allied troops in Normandy," he continued without hesitating at the absurdity of his statement.
Morin was born in 1961.
Journalists, humorists and of course Internauts were quick to pick up on the mistake and Twitter was abuzz with moments from the past at which Morin could claim to have been impossibly present.
Cruel.
But at least Morin had the guts to face up to his mistake (did he have any other choice?) by Tweeting his own "Congratulations on your humour" and saying that "The French were full of creativity."
The recently-confirmed new boss of the French utility giant, Electricité de France (EDF), has agreed to relinquish his rights to claim a second salary with his old company, the multinational Veolia, where he remains chairman of the board.
While his decision has effectively put an end to the debate over the salary controversy, there's now a new confab over a conflict of interests and whether he should be doing two jobs: one at the mainly (almost 85 per cent) state-owned company EDF and the other at the privatised Veolia.
And to many, the French government would appear to be sending out mixed messages as to where exactly it stands on the issue.
You might remember the story out of France last weekabout this country's government saying that Proglio, who was confirmed as the boss of EDF on Wednesday, would in fact be entitled to two salaries rather than one.
In short he would get €1.6 a year for his new job and retain a paid position of €450,000 a year at Veolia, the company where he was to remain chairman of the board.
The government appeared to be backtracking on its previous promise not to support a double-salary with among others both the finance minister, Christine Lagarde, and the minister of the budget, Eric Woerth, "explaining" why the decision was now justified.
Pragmatic politics at its best perhaps from the finance minister.
A day after his confirmation, Proglio made things much easier for Lagarde (and the rest of the government) by "choosing" to give up on the smaller of the two salaries, although there was plenty of conjecture that Nicolas Sarkozy, had put pressure on the man who had supported him in his successful bid to become president in 2007.
So the end of the story - not.
Because of course it's one that won't go away and which over the weekend took on another dimension with calls from opposition party leaders for Proglio to cut completely all ties with Veolia.
Among them was François Bayrou, the leader of the centre party Mouvement démocrate (Democratic Movement, MoDem).
"When you're the boss of a public company, you should keep in mind the interests of the public," he said on national radio.
"And when you head up a very large private company you have to defend the interests of the shareholders," he continued.
And what do you know, the French government also seemed to be preparing the ground to make it easier for Proglio to give up all links with Veolia with both Lagarde and Woerth returning to their original positions - sort of.
"He (Proglio) recognised that when he appeared before (parliamentary) commissions," she added.
A sentiment echoed by Woerth who also maintained that holding two jobs couldn't be a long-term solution.
"When you're in a business which has international contracts, it requires keeping in constant contacts with clients, and not having to time to do other things," he said.
"For me it's a temporary situation," he added.
All of which could make it easier as far as Marie-George Buffet; the leader of the Parti communiste français (French Communist Party, PCF), is concerned for Sarkozy to appear to "save the day" so-to-speak and make the announcement, should he so wish, that the boss of EDF will no longer have a role in Veolia.
The French president is due to appear on prime time television on Monday evening for an extensive interview and to answer questions from selected viewers - an ideal chance for him to express his thoughts on the matter, according to Buffet.
"It's entirely possible that he will make such an announcement because we've already seen how many times both Christine Lagarde and now Eric Woerth have changed their minds," she said on the Canal + news magazine La Matinale on Monday morning.
Politicians and the media in France have been literally falling over themselves in response to an interview given by the immigration minister, Eric Besson, last weekend in which he said he wanted to launch a major discussion over "national values and identity".
Not surprisingly perhaps reactions came thick and fast with the media quickly jumping on the story.
Radio and television stations asked audiences what they thought about the idea and newspaper websites invited comments.
Reactions from politicians ranged from support from members of the governing centre-right Union pour un Mouvement Populaire (Union for a Popular Movement, UMP) party to scepticism or outright condemnation from opposition parties.
The leader of the centre Mouvement démocrate (Democratic Movement MoDem) party, François Bayrou, though was more guarded, insisting that defining or determining "national identity is not for politicians."
"It's like history," he said. "It's not up to politicians to try to monopolise the subject."
For Vincent Peillon, a European parliamentarian for the Socialist party, the call for opening a debate on national identity was symptomatic of a certain "sickness" in France and would have an negative effect on how the country was viewed by others throughout the world.
Benoît Hamon, the spokesman for the Socialist party, was harsher in his reaction accusing Besson of pandering to the far-right Front national (FN) ahead of next year's regional elections in making illegal immigration a central issue before the vote in March.
"He's cynically carrying out parts of its (FN's) programme," he continued.
"It's all part of government policy of keeping illegal immigrants in a state of extreme hardship to dissuade them from coming. "
And from the FN itself came the call from Marine Le Pen for a "Grenelle on national identity" to be held, similar to the one there had been for the environment as her party had "a lot of things to say on the subject."
Maybe the most measured response though came from a member of the UMP itself, in the shape of the former prime minister and current mayor of Bordeaux, Alain Juppé.
Writing on his blog, Juppé cited the discourse "Qu'est-ce qu'une nation?" ("What is a Nation?") given by the French philosopher and historian, Ernest Renan, back in 1882.
"The definitions of the nation are numerous," writes Juppé. "It seems to me that the explanation given by Ernest Renan, remains unsurpassable," he continues before quoting from Renan's speech.
"In defining what the nation is, Renan said 'the essential element of a nation is that all of its individuals must have many things in common and they must also have forgotten many things,''" quotes Juppé.
"Renan also said a nation is 'a sense of solidarity, one that supposes a past but is summarised in the present by a tangible fact: the consent, the clearly expressed desire to continue living together,'" continues Juppé.
"Everything has been said," concludes Juppé.
"What's the point of starting the debate all over again?"
What to make of how the French voted in the European parliamentary elections?
Well at face value the centre-right Union pour un Mouvement Populaire (Union for a Popular Movement, UMP), and Europe Ecologie (Greens) were the big "winners" here while the Socialist party and the centre party, Mouvement démocrate (MoDem) were the "losers".
But the most telling factor of Sunday's vote perhaps was the high abstention rate, with 51 per cent of France's eligible 44 million voters not bothering to go to the polls.
Of course it's not a trend isolated to this country, but France was one of the founder-members, is a major EU player and only last December was coming to the end of its spell as the EU "big cheese" as it handed over the six-month rotating presidency to the Czech Republic.
The overall results of the European parliamentary elections appear to reflect a general shift to the centre-right throughout the 27-nation bloc, and France would seem at first sight to have been no exception.
Indeed the results here are widely billed internationally as the governing UMP having "thrashed" the Socialist party.
And it's certainly true that the UMP of the French president Nicolas Sarkozy did well with almost 28 per cent of the votes and 29 seats while the Socialist party put in a poor performance to win just 14 seats and garner a little over 16 per cent of the popular vote.
But there were a number of factors at play and of course the interpretation put on what happened also depends to a great extent on political spin.
First up before looking at the results here and what they might or might not mean, it's important once again to look at the voter turnout.
As predicted and feared by many political pundits and politicians, it was abysmal. Just 41 per cent nationally - the lowest ever for a European parliamentary election in France.
So in a real sense none of the parties managed to convince the electorate that the issues at stake were worth voting for.
A shame really as the new parliament will have an even bigger role in shaping legislation that will have an enormous impact on the everyday lives of all EU citizens.
Still that's a message that parties in France (as elsewhere) failed to get across and indeed in the last weeks of what was, by any assessment, a lacklustre campaign, the focus was either on domestic issues such as security, or personal attacks on other members of political parties.
Simply put though the results from Sunday's vote suggest there were two big winners in France; the centre-right UMP and Europe Ecologie (Greens).
And there were of course two big losers, the Socialist party and the centre MoDem.
There's no doubt the UMP did better than many had expected, but there still has to be a doubt as to whether the result can really be said to have been a vote of confidence in the government and its policies.
Even if Sarkozy tries to use the results as a ringing endorsement of the government's policies and a springboard for more legislative reform, they're surely far from being that.
Few "European" issues were addressed during the campaign no matter how much "spin" is put on the results, and Sarkozy's domestic popularity remains low.
The other big winner was undoubtedly Europe Écologie (Greens) which garnered more than 16 per cent of the vote to finish in third spot just behind the Socialist party although the two will return exactly the same number of MEPs - 14.
The reasons for its success are probably three-fold.
Firstly, the undoubted failure of the Socialist party to overcome its internal differences and present a united front to the electorate.
In the end though it may well have been the leader of MoDem, François Bayrou, trading insults with Cohn-Bendit last Thursday that helped the Europe Ecologie do well and simultaneously damage MoDem's chances, and thus making it one of the "losers".
Before the two sparred off against each other, MoDem had been ahead in the polls and had been predicted to gain anything between 11 and 14 per cent going into the election.
Instead it has ended up with 8.45 per cent of the vote and just six MEPs.
That's being largely seen as a backlash and a reaction to the criticism there was the day after Bayrou accused Cohn-Bendit of "defending paedophilia" and being a personal friend of Sarkozy.
And Cohn-Bendit's barb that Bayrou was only interested in being president in 2012, which "you'll never be because you're pathetic," might well have had the ring of truth about it for many a voter.
Along with MoDem, the other big "loser" was of course the Socialist party.
But perhaps that's no real surprise, even to its most ardent supporters.
The party has been in turmoil for several years now and of course the infighting reached its pinnacle at the end of last year when Martine Aubry and Ségolène Royal fought a bitter battle for the leadership.
Aubry "won" but Royal never really accepted "defeat" and even though the two women publicly buried the hatchet in the run up to Sunday's election, it was widely seen as a rather poorly stage-managed and unbelievable peace pact.
In addition the Socialist party has also been criticised for failing to put across any specifically European political programme during campaigning (admittedly it was not alone in that).
Before the election Aubry had set the target of 20 per cent as a result to aim for.
The party won just a little over 16 per cent, which might not be as bad as its worst ever performance back in 1994 (14.49 per cent) but must still be sending alarm bells ringing over its prospects in the 2012 French presidential elections.
Alongside the four main political parties, there'll also be representatives from both the far-left and the far-right from the French political spectrum in the new European parliament with four seats for the former and three for the latter (including Jean-Marie Le Pen and his daughter Marine).
And along with the one member from Libertas France (a combination of Mouvement pour la France, and Chasse, Pêche, Nature et Traditions, CPNT) a total of 72 French MEPs will take up their seats when the next session gets underway.
The leader of the centre party Mouvement démocrate (MoDem), François Bayrou, is back in the headlines with the timely publication of a new book, "Abus de pouvoir" in which he takes aim at the French president, Nicolas Sarkozy.
Its release comes just five weeks before the European parliamentary elections in June and has given rise within the French media as to possible political alliances in the run-up to that vote and the potential consequences afterwards.
Although Bayrou is keen to point out that the book is not a personal attack on Sarkozy, it's still being interpreted as a reflection on how he considers the office of president to have been diminished under its present incumbent.
The two men have never been particularly close and the leader of MoDem still clearly fancies his chances at a run for the French presidency in 2012.
"The values Sarkozy has chosen to represent don't match the function of the office," Bayrou said on national radio.
"The president (of France) has to be someone who sees 'success' as something other than the pursuit of money."
Not surprisingly perhaps there are some very different political interpretations being made about the contents of Bayrou's book and his possible influence on the French political landscape.
It very much depends on where your political affiliations lie and which national daily newspaper you read.
In an editorial the centre-right Le Figaro goes as far as to suggest that the opposition Socialist party, so long riven by internal bickering and disagreement over its future direction, has finally found its potential leader - in the form of Bayrou.
The paper describes the Socialist party's attitude towards Bayrou as "bees around honey" and it cites the former party leader, François Hollande, in an interview last month with the weekly news magazine L'Express as evidence in the change of approach.
In the interview Hollande is quoted as saying the party needs to "clarify convergences and divergences" with MoDem - a rather different line from just two years ago when, as leader, he was vehemently opposed to any suggestion of an alliance.
For a completely different interpretation of what's happening though, readers need look no further than the pages of the left-of-centre daily Libération.
The paper carries an editorial in which it suggests that those who should be most unsettled by the current flow within French politics are above all the ruling centre-right Union pour un Mouvement Populaire (Union for a Popular Movement, UMP) and Sarkozy's supporters.
There are signs emerging, suggests the paper, not so much of an "alliance of the centre" but rather the possibility of a grand coalition "post-Sarkozy"; one that will take into account a number of dissatisfied elements. The proof is that even the Socialist party has begun openly to discuss such a possibility of looking for common ground.
Whatever the case may be, Bayrou certainly seems determined to overcome the role of the "third man", a term used to describe him during the last presidential election in 2007, especially after his solid showing in the first round of voting.
Bayrou notched up 18 per cent of the popular vote, and although that wasn't sufficient to make it through to a second-round run-off, it was enough to make Ségolène Royal sit up and take notice.
History of course has since shown us that Royal's overtures to Bayrou for him to endorse her were unsuccessful and instead he found himself rather isolated politically-speaking.
Much of the rest of his party the centre/centre-right Union pour la démocratie française (Union for French Democracy, UDF) upped sticks and changed camps to join forces with Sarkozy's UMP.
Bayrou retaliated and created MoDem for the parliamentary elections in June 2007, with himself at the helm of course.
It won just four seats in the 577-strong National Assembly, hardly the most auspicious of beginnings.
But Bayrou never really went away and surely while there might be disagreement as to his impact on French politics, there seems to be a general consensus that he is likely to remain a thorn in someone's side.
Off to Dhaulagiri
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The time of year has come and I am heading out on expedition again. Since
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Slumming it in paradise
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Every seasonnaire in the Alps, past or present, has a horror story or two
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Summer update
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Here is a summer update. The weather has been quite rainy but the clouds
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12 (“Une douzaine”) restaurant tips . . .
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*on how to blend in and*
*not to appear too much like a touristin a Paris restaurant . . .(or at
least how to be a good one)*
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L'hexagone dans le Triangle
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It's been a while since I have posted to Polly-Vous Francais! I am happy
to report that I am now in the "Triangle" area of North Carolina, where
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