François Hollande as French telly's new "Reality show star" - as seen by Les Guignols

Those behind Les Guignols de l'info, a long-running satirical show in France featuring latex puppets, were on fine form this past Monday.

They opened their regular evening slot with a short sketch dedicated to François Hollande's "successful" live appearance the previous evening on M6's fortnightly economics magazine "Capital".

Perhaps you remember a recent post here in which the viewing figures for "Capital", with Hollande as guest, compared unfavourably to those of an interview with the Algerian-born former prostitute Zahia Dehar shown on in the evening on TF1's weekly show "Sept à huit".

Click here to refresh your memory.

There's little doubt that as a PR exercise, Hollande failed miserably to attract the hoped-for five million plus audience.

Anyway Les Guignols, in their own style, had a few cracking suggestions as to how Hollande might boost his popularity...by appearing in some of M6's many reality shows which seem to pull in the punters easily enough.

(screenshot Les Guignols "Maison à vendre")

First up "L'amour est dans le pré"  the equivalent in France of "Farmer wants a wife" and whose title in French ("Love is in the meadow")  neatly sidesteps the fact that female farmers also exist and next season could see a gay farmer cast for the first time.

Next up was "Top Chef", yet another French version of an imported "concept" with the production company and TV executives opting to keep the original "English" title.

And finally "Maison à vendre" ("Sell this house") hosted by the immensely irritating and deliberately buffoon-like real-life estate agent turned TV presenter Stéphane Plaza.

The part to watch (unless you want to see the whole show) is just the first one minute and 15 seconds during which Hollande is mistaken on each occasion for a pig.

You draw your own conclusion as to what Les Guignols were trying to say.

Enjoy.

Les Guignols de l'Info du 17/06/13 - T'es mort Claude !

François Hollande and Zahia, the former "courtesan"

Don't worry.

Before you get your hopes up too high, this is not a piece disclosing a scandal involving the French president François Hollande and the Algerian-born former prostitute Zahia Dehar.

There's no "liaison" - illicit or otherwise - between the two other than the fact that both appeared on French television on Sunday evening.

Hollande was invited by host Thomas Sotto onto M6's fortnightly economics magazine "Capital".

François Hollande (screenshot "Capital" M6)

And Zahia (first name only as that's the one by which she is best known) had a 13-minute one-on-one interview with Thierry Demaizière on TF1's much lighter weekly show "Sept à huit".

Different time slots admittedly for the two programmes and very different content and contrasting fortunes in terms of viewing figures.

Hollande was keeping a presidential campaign promise he made in the run-up to the May 2012 elections when he first appeared on "Capital" and promised Sotto to return if elected.

There was plenty to talk about since the two men had last appeared together on the programme and Hollande was quizzed on a number of issues including, among other things (Le Figaro has helpfully provided a transcript of the "best of" moments complete with videos if you're so inclined), pensions, unemployment, public spending cuts, the future of Stéphane Richard at the head of Orange and, as the news broke, his reaction to the Socialist party being knocked out in the first round of the by-election to find a successor to the disgraced former budget minister Jérôme Cahuzac.

Meaty political and economic stuff for sure and, although important in the grand scheme of things, hardly gripping viewing.



Meanwhile a few hours earlier over on TF1, the much more appealing subject of sex had reared its head as Demaizière questioned the woman, who four years ago at the age of 17,  had been at the centre the underage prostitution scandal with French football internationals Franck Ribéry and Karim Benzema.

Zahia (screenshot from TF1 "Sept à huit" interview)

Nice timing as the case will be heard in Paris's criminal court on Tuesday in what The Guardian calls, "A tale of footballers, sex and the Paris catwalk."

It was, in the words of "Sept à huit" presenter Harry Roselmack who introduced the report, "a revealing and sometimes touching portrait" in which the now 21-year-old proved herself to be more than just a "living doll with voluptuous curves."

Zahia was now "all grown up" and able to talk frankly and articulately (???) about her childhood in Algeria, her time spent as an underage "courtesan" (a term she preferred to that of "call girl") and how she had managed to rebuild her life after "that" scandal to become the model and businesswoman she is today.

Zahia, du scandale au podiums Vidéo sept-a-huit 

Yes it was rivetting stuff, slickly put together and so much more interesting than watching several hours of bumbling Hollande trying to explain his way out of the proverbial paper bag.

And the viewing figures pretty much told the whole story of what really grabs people's attention.

Just over 2.8 million tuned in to watch their president live on TV, while 3.2 million were in front of their screens to see and hear and shed a tear with the comeback story of a modern-day Cinderella.

Here's a thought. Perhaps Zahia's communications people could help Hollande's communications people boost his popularity ratings.

Audrey Lamy "Dernières avant Vegas" - French comedy that works

It might be more than stating the obvious, but humour is a personal thing, isn't it?

You either find something funny or you don't.

That said though, when you live abroad and regardless of your language skills or knowledge of cultural references, it can be especially hard to grasp what those around you might find amusing.

For example, if you've ever flipped on the television remote control and watched one of the country's many, many stand-up acts, or have been invited along to the theatre to "enjoy a live show" you might well have found yourself wondering what the heck everyone in the audience was laughing about.

Sure there are some acts out there who raise more than a smile or two as soon as they leap on to the stage, but it's rare to find one as appealing and immediately engaging as actress and comedienne Audrey Lamy.

Audrey Lamy (screenshot from "Dernières avant Vegas" video)

She might not be at the top of her profession yet, but on recent evidence...Lamy's getting there.

Her face might be familiar to some of you. The 32-year-old is one of the stars of M6's runaway early evening comedy show "Scènes de ménages", which features short sketches from the daily lives of four couples.

Lamy appears as "Marion", a 30-something who lives with her other half Cédric (played by Loup-Denis Elion) in a studio apartment.

The short sketch format on TV seems to work well in France and of course helped launch the career of Lamy's older sister Alexandra when she appeared alongside her now-husband Jean Dujardin in France 2's "Un gars, une fille".

A talented family, obviously.

Back to Lamy - Audrey that is - though, who has just come to the end of a one-woman show she has taken around the country over the past three years with not just one, but three dates at the much-revered venue of Olympia in Paris.

As soon as she bounces on to the stage, it's difficult not to be won over.

Lamy engages immediately with the audience, has extraordinary energy which doesn't slow down over the course of one-and-a-half hours and the most infectious of laughs.

There are some magical moments, especially her love affair with a Brad Pitt bottomed frying pan - the sort of sketch that's short, silly and universal enough to appeal.

And there are clear signs that the woman is most definitely multi-talented as alongside the comedy, she also manages to belt out a tune and dance.

If there are any criticisms to be made it would be the need to tighten up some of the material and increase the range of characters she portrays.

Some of the sketches seem overlong with the punch line sometimes being repeated a little too often.

And while Lamy comes across as self deprecating, slightly cranky and a little too loud, it occasionally seems a little to familiar to "Marion" - the role she plays on television.

Lamy has depth and acting ability - evidence of that was on show in her roles in the hit movies "Tout ce qui brille" and "Polisse", films - it just doesn't always come across in her one-woman show.

OK so you've missed her tour in France, but hopefully Lamy will be back with some new material shortly.

And for those who fancy it, there's one date still left to play - in Barcelona on May 25.

In the meantime though, take a look at the accompanying videos for an idea of Lamy's humour.

In the first, she parodies Brad Pitt's dreadful Chanel No. 5 commercial.

The second is a supposed casting (in Franglais) in front of US director Quentin Tarantino - whose name she never quite manages to pronounce correctly - for the role eventually given to fellow French actress Mélanie Laurent in his film "Inglourious Basterds".

Finally there's the blue rabbit...well see for yourselves.

Amandine Bourgeois to sing French Eurovision Song Contest entry

Proving there really is life after television talent shows, Amandine Bourgeois has been chosen to represent France at this year's Eurovision Song Contest in the Swedish city of Malmö in May.

Bourgeois won the sixth edition of Nouvelle Star - France's version of Pop Idol - in 2008.

The show, which was cancelled by M6 a couple of years ago, is currently undergoing something of a renaissance on D8.

And that's perhaps what Bourgeois is hoping for by taking part in the annnual Europe-wide musical jamboree, because since winning Nouvelle Star, her career has hardly been...well er...decidedly rocky (although not in the musical sense of the word).

It all started off reasonably enough, with her debut album "20 m2" in 2009 being pretty well received by music critics and the public alike.

It reached a high of number five in the French charts and went gold. The first track released as a single, "L'homme de la situation" was a catchy little number which received plenty of airplay and reasonable chart success.

Amandine Bourgeois (screenshot from "L'homme de la situation" official clip)

There were two follow-up singles both taken from the album - "Tant de moi" and "Du temps" - which helped keep Bourgeois in the public eye, her album in the charts and bolster tickets sales for her tour of generally small to medium-sized venues around the country.

Bourgeois' second album in 2012 "Sans amour Mon amour" apparently "inspired by the retro 60's R&B of Amy Winehouse" and the two singles "Sans amour and "Envie d'un manque de problèmes", although well-written and produced, pretty much failed to register on the all-important commercial rader.

The result? Well Bourgeois was forced to cancel her tour after selling only 4,000 copies of the album and admitting how upset she was.

"I'm very sad and sorry, but it's really difficult to fill venues when my album simply isn't selling well and the songs aren't played on the radio," she said on her Facebook page, making a promise that she would "work and pray hard to continue living her passion".

And the way apparently to "live her passion" is to represent France in Malmö!

Amandine Bourgeois (screenshot from "L'homme de la situation" YouTube clip)

A France Télévisions committee designated Bourgeois as this country's representative - yes that's the way things are done in France: no leaving it up to the public to decide.

And the song chosen for the 33-year-old to sing in front of millions will be  "L'enfer et moi"

Here's wishing Bourgeois all the best in Malmö.

She'll certainly need it if the recent past form of French participants is anything to go by.

Last year Indonesian-born singer Anggun only managed to finish 22nd out of 26 in the final and the previous year, the man with the big voice and dodgy "hairdon't" Amaury Vassili, only managed a self-described 15th placed "shitty finish".


In fact you have to go all the way back to the hey days of the competition for France's last win.

As the French media keeps reminding everyone each time Eurovision comes around, the last "triumph" for the country was in 1977 when Marie Myriam captured the hearts (and ears) of those watching with "L'oiseau et l'enfant".

"It's an honour for me to represent France," Bourgeois says on her Facebook page.

"I'm a little frightened but I also have the ability to transform that into a something positive," she told the weekly television programming magazine Télé 7 Jours.

"Whatever happens, Eurovision should open doors for me and boost my career."

There's no video of "L'enfer et moi" available yet, but here's a reminder of how she sounded back in her Nouvelle Star-winning days.

Sophie-Tith - a Nouvelle Star in the making?

The search is on for France's latest Nouvelle Star.

Yep, after a couple of years "on the shelf" mainly because of failing audiences, the French version of "Pop Idol" is back.

Mind you, it's not the generalist channel M6 which has commissioned the the show - the ninth edition.

Instead it's the revamped D8 - owned by Canal + and destined perhaps to become another - er all rounder.

Sophie-Tith (screenshot from auditions)

Th audition phase has come and gone, and the judges have been chosen the final 10 who'll be put to a public vote each week until the country's Nouvelle Star is crowned - complete with recording contract of course.

The four-member jury, comprising perennial presence songwriter-arranger André Manoukian (who has been there since the beginning), the return of musician Sinclair (real name Mathieu Blanc-Francard) and newbies Belgian singer Maurane (real name Claudine Luypaerts) and musician-composer Olivier Bas has whittled down the 7,000 hopefuls to just 10 and on Tuesday they'll take to the stage - their weekly fate to be decided live by the viewing public.

Now you might think this format is tired, clapped out and tedious. And the criticism would be a valid one, except that the programme can throw up some surprises.

But there's no denying it can act as a launching pad for an artist who might well have made it in his or her own right and an appearance in front of millions (although D8 is unlikely to match the audience figures of M6) can provide invaluable exposure.

Such should be the case for Sophie-Tith.

She might not win the whole caboodle, but there's surely no denying that she has an extraordinary voice and could be described as something of a vocal extraterrestrial (in the nicest possible sense) in that what comes out of her mouth, in no way matches your her physique.

Her voice is deep, full-bodied and resonant and she has perfect pitch with a natural swing or groove. And all that from a girl who's only 16!

It makes a real change from all those nasal high-pitched screechers (mentioning no names) who seem to be so popular and deem it necessary to belt out a number at full volume regardless.

Sophie-Tith's major problem might be that she has had a tendency (or at least she did during the auditions) to forget the lyrics, but here's hoping her proven musicality will be good enough to keep her performances going and enable her to receive the thumbs up from viewers.

Exclu Sophie Tith - L'extrait de son audition au théâtre

Star Academy's Manika Auxire - the voice that could sink a thousand ships

A couple of familiar formats have returned to French TV screens recently and both of them are searching, or supposedly acting as launching pads, for musical "talent".

Star Academy, the show that "discovered" Jenifer, Nolwenn Leroy and Magalie Vaé (who?) during its nine seasons on TF1, and the Pop Idol-inspired Nouvelle Star which over eight years on M6 gave France the likes of Christophe Willem, Julien Doré, Amel Bent and Jonatan Cerrada (another "who"?) are back after an unregrettable absence.

Manika Auxire (screenshot profile on Star Academy)

You might have a little difficulty finding either of them as there was a reason why TF1 and M6 cancelled the shows.

But that hasn't stopped two of the country's digital terrestrial television (TNT) channels, repackaging clapped-out concepts in an effort to attract viewers.

While Nouvelle Star is still in the audition phase on the newly-relaunched D8, owned by the Canal + Group, Star Academy is well underway on NRJ 12.

There have already been two live prime time shows: the first to introduce the contestants to the viewing public, and the second to begin the process of weekly elimination.

And on the evidence so far, the least that can be said is there's far from being a bottomless pit of musical talent in France.

Well, that can surely be the only conclusion to be drawn by the inclusion among the 14 Star Academy competitors of a certain Manika Auxire.

The 22-year-old put in a show-stopping performance of the Carly-Rae Jepsen smash hit "Call me maybe" (Jepsen was herself the product of a TV talent show in Canada) during the opening programme.

Obviously not content with brutalising Jepsen's song, the former Miss Poitou-Charentes (aha...the real reason for her inclusion - to add "une touche de glamour" to the proceedings?) found herself among the three nominees threatened with elimination the following week and promptly massacred another tune...Zaz's 2010 hit, "Je veux".

Now for those of you with strong constitutions, you can hear just how talentless Auxire really is - well at least when it comes to singing.

Here's her version of "Call me maybe" followed by Jepsen's just for comparison.





And if you're a real glutton for punishment, speed through the whole of the second programme to discover her - thankfully - last TV warbling performance (for now) at one hour 21 minutes and 47 seconds - almost two minutes of aural torture.

Or you could always listen to Zaz.



A word of warning. Dowloading the full replay programme will take a while, so you've more than enough time to peel the spuds, wash the kitchen floor or wrap some Christmas presents.

But if you have both the patience and the masochistic tendency to hear how awful she is, you might want to dull the pain with a very stiff something-or-other beforehand.

The woman can't sing - in tune at least - and perhaps it's not surprising the French have the expression "chante comme une casserole", although that's being a little unkind to saucepans.

Can France find its Pudsey?

M6 is currently broadcasting the seventh season of "La France a un incroyable talent", the French equivalent of "Britain's got talent".

Canadian impresario - Gilbert Rozon, the artistic director of Cirque Pinder - Sophie Edelstein and Wouter Levenbach - the Dutch-born singer better-known in this country under his stage name Dave - are back again sitting through the usual motley bunch of acts from which they and later the viewers - can find that "incredible talent".

Precocious children all "autodidact" of course convinced they can sing, dance or play an instrument.

Acrobats from around the world (that's right, the programme is not confined to purely French "talent") who've clearly trained professionally but want an extra bit of exposure by being on telly.

Dance troupes in all shapes and sizes.

"Comedians"- well they think they're funny even if nobody else does.

Those with a message, political, social or just downright dumb such as bursting out of a bin liner or slapping food all over the table.

Motorbikers, magicians, drag acts, choirs - young and old - bands, singers...the list goes on an on.

Still it makes for - ahem - suitably mindless television with presenters Sandrine Corman and her sidekick Alex Goude entertaining themselves as much as the viewers and all the while keeping the show going.

Somehow though anyone watching must be left with the feeling that the real "talent" is to be found elsewhere, especially as immediately following the programme there is the additional and imaginatively- named "La France a un incroyable talent, ça continue".

It recaps what has just been broadcast - very handy if you missed the show in the first place - takes a look at what has happened to past contestants since they first appeared and, most importantly perhaps, allows viewers a glimpse of what's going on in other countries.

And given the original concept is one that has pretty much been picked up around the world, there's obviously enough material out there.

Somehow though you get the feeling that the copies aren't really a patch on the original which gave the world Susan Boyle (although she didn't win) back in 2009 and earlier this year brought us a 16-year-old girl and her dog.

Pudsey (screenshot from "Britain's got talent")

That's right. Ashleigh Butler and her six-year-old performing Border Collie, Bichon Frise and Chinese Crested cross Pudsey walked - or should that be danced? - off with the title of "Britain's got talent" in May this year.

And it's only thanks to "La France a un incroyable talent, ça continue" that viewers here have finally discovered the dog's truly amazing talent.

So here's the video.

Enjoy.

Woof.

TF1's passion for Trash TV as "Qui veut épouser mon fils ?" returns for season 2

After a first series back in 2010 of "Qui veut épouser mon fils ?" ("Who wants to marry my son?") in which overbearing mothers, totally unaware of the camera's presence of course, did their level best to help their stay-at-home sons find the perfect partner, you would think TF1 might allow viewers some respite from such obvious Trash TV.

But no - it's not to be.

Sadly the programme has returned for a second season, albeit in a late Friday evening slot which should deter too many French from watching (although its debut got off to what TV critics consider a reasonable start with an audience of almost two-and-a-half million).

Contestant Frédéric doesn't have "any particular preference why it comes to what a woman looks like (screenshot TF1 "Qui veut épouser mon fils ?")

Yes, France's most-watched television station, is treating its viewers to yet another pile of televisual dung masquerading as "entertainment".

Of course TF1 doesn't have a stranglehold on Trash TV.

Another private and generalist channel, M6, has offered up its fair share of McDonald's type fast food TV over the years including its infamous ground-breaking (please help us) "Loft Story".

But TF1, which is after all France's most-watched channel, seems to have made a speciality of providing viewers with the largest assortment of...well you fill in the blanks, but "merde" while a somewhat vulgar description might perhaps be the most appropriate.

Some are "concepts" unique to France. Others are reinterpretations of similar fodder to be found abroad.

There have been a fair number of flops, usually those "starring" (apologies for the need to revert so often to inverted commas) "celebrities"  such "Je suis une célébrité, sortez-moi de là ! (do you really need a translation?) and Carré Viiip, which was cancelled midway through its run.

And there have been those that continue to draw big enough audiences for TF1's execs to take the decision to order yet another batch: "Secret Story" ("Big Brother" - sort of - season seven is in the pipeline for 2013), "Koh Lanta" ("Survivor" which has been broadcast at least once every year since 2001 and has just begun yet another run on Friday prime time TV) and of course "MasterChef".

The list also includes; "Quatre mariages pour une lune de miel" (based apparently on the UK show "Four weddings") in which brides judge and mark each other's big day with the winner being whisked away to a dream destination with her groom; "Bienvenue chez nous" (based yet again on a UK show, "Three in a bed") which proves itself to be the snarkiest possible of programmes as chambre d'hôtes owners do battle to determine who offers the best value for money, and allowing its participants to betray just how mean and inhospitable some of them can be; and "Mon incroyable fiancé", the French version of the US reality TV programme "My big fat obnoxious fiance" but whose title allowed for a variation in the second season where the unpleasant and overweight actor masquerading as a potential beau was replaced with one pretending to be gay.

Are you still following? Or have you, like TF1 bosses it seems, completely lost the plot?
Anyway back - as briefly as possible to "Qui veut épouser mon fils ?"

The novelty of the first series was - wait for this, especially as the debate about same-sex marriage looks set to heat up in France - one of the five mothers looking for a husband for her son.

Just to spice things up a bit for the second season, not all those looking for potential brides for their sons are overbearing mothers: there's also a father.

Serge is looking for the ideal woman...for his son Julien (screenshot TF1 "Qui veut épouser mon fils ?")

Cool. Who do you think came up with that innovation (rhetorical question)?

Anyway, the show is on late enough for it to be effortlessly avoided.

But in case you're curious and haven't had quite enough of the...ahem..."cultural" garbage TF1 churns out with alarming regularity, here's a clip from the first programme, with some of the "best" and worst moments.

Enjoy.

Thank goodness for the remote control and the on/off button.

Zlatan Ibrahimović - PSG's "homeless" millionaire striker

As you go about your business this week, spare a thought for Zlatan Ibrahimović.

For those of you not so familiar with French football, he's the striker for whom the owners of Paris Saint-Germain (PSG), the Qatar Investment Authority, splashed out a hefty €23 million in transfer fees to AC Milan back in July and whose take home pay is said to be as much as €14 million annually (although it has recently been revised downwards to a mere nine million euros)

Zlatan Ibrahimović (screenshot)

After a slow start, the investment is beginning to pay off - well at least in terms of his performance on the pitch.

The 30-year-old has scored seven goals so far in the team's first six games in Ligue 1 and his presence at the club has undoubtedly captured the imagination of many a fan and sent politicians and the media into a predictable frenzy.

But while he's initially living up to his starring role in the multi-million euro set-up, away from the pitch, not everything appears to be as it should.

Why?

Well it's simple really. With so much lovely take home pay, Ibrahimović hasn't actually got a home to which he can take it.

That's right - he's currently homeless - or in French "Sans domicile fixe".

Along with his other half, actress-model Helena Seger and their two young children, the Swedish international is apparently having problems finding a suitable pad in the French capital and instead is having to "slum" it at a place which is described in its own blurb as "representing the ultimate in French luxury and refinement".

Hardly what could be described as a half-way house, the prestigious Hôtel Le Bristol with the "cheapest" (inverted commas definitely needed) room costing €850 a night (download the PDF file of room rates for a real shock) and a continental breakfast setting back those with more money than sense €35, is the temporary abode for the family of four with PSG footing (ouch - sorry) the bill.

Of course for some extra much-needed publicity, Ibrahimović could call on the services of French telly's best-known estate agent Stéphane Plaza whose programme on M6 "Recherche appartement ou maison" regularly helps families find the "property of their dreams"

But for the moment "Ibracadabra" as he's often nicknamed, doesn't seem in too much of a hurry.

"Paris is a fantastic city with plenty of history," he said wisely at a recent press conference.

"And if things continue as they've started with my living in the hotel, I'll perhaps end up by buying it," he continued none too seriously when the subject of house hunting was broached.

"Or I'll live in the Eiffel Tower and arrive at training sessions by parachute."

Aha, the man seems to have just right sort of preposterous solution to his housing needs.

We wish him luck.

Not yet another flippin' TV cooking programme - French MasterChef season 3

Turn on French telly it seems, and among the trash reality programmes, imported US series and sports you'll be treated to something that in recent years has become a trend - cooking shows.

Thursday sees the return to French screens of MasterChef - for its third season.

MasterChef - The contestants (screenshot TF1)

Yep the self-proclaimed home of gastronomy and the country which has, if not exactly its food then the whole business of preparing, serving and eating it as one of Unesco's intangible world heritages, has succumbed to the invasion of the culinary game show that, quite frankly, seems to put the emphasis as much on it being a contest as it does the obvious talent that some participants have.

It's not enough that there's a whole channel, Cuisine +, dedicated to food and what can be done with it in the kitchen (available without encryption to those who have the very basic Canal + subscription on channel 41)

Both M6 and TF1 have taken concepts which originated in the United Kingdom and adapted them for a French viewing public.

On M6 there's a daily serving of "Un dîner presque parfait" (based on Channel 4's "Come dine with me") which has also morphed into a "very best of" version to find an annual winner among the purely hobby cooks.

And proving there can never be too much of a good thing. the channel also has Top Chef an adaptation of the US show - this time professionals who obviously need the exposure take on each other to be crowned...well you fill in the blanks.

Both the very best of Un dîner presque parfait and Top Chef have more or less the same set of judges.

For the moment TF1 has just the one cooking game show, MasterChef - oh and the inevitable sidekick, Junior MasterChef for the highly precocious.

The original concept is of course British - so a huge round of applause to the BBC - dating from 1990 and revamped into the international monster it has since become in 2005.

Sadly France has also caught the bug

There's little need to explain how it works. Even of you're unfamiliar with the original, it doesn't take a doctorate to work out that the a panel of judges struts and tuts, nods and shakes collective heads and decides the fate of the contestants as they're put through ever more ludicrous kitchen scenarios to find the eventual winner.

MasterChef - the judges (screenshot TF1)

Chefs Frédéric Anton and Yves Camdeborde along with journalist and food critic (and thereby living by the maxim perhaps of those who can't, write about it) Sébastien Demorand
will be returning once again as the jury.

The (cough, cough) "excellent" Carole Rousseau will play host (not much to do there apart from call out names and explain to viewers what's happening in her monotonous pitch) and all the contestants of course are going to give the best of themselves - not just 100 per cent worth because that would be undestatement but 200 per cent, 500 - or hey even a 1,000 per cent. Why not?



Something like 24,000 apparently applied to take part, but thankfully the judges have whittled that down to (just) 100 among whom of course will be this year's winner.

Full of hyperbole, the promotional videos says the level of candidates this year is incredibly high (well it's hardly going to say they're a bunch of no-hopers, now is it?) there are going to be more surprises, some really difficult tests and  of course exceptional moments including - apparently - serving up a meal from a cave for some pot holers!



Why?

Well, because this is not really about cooking is it? Instead it's a game, entertainment in which, we're led to believe, the best cook wins.

To avoid the programme, be sure to be watching another channel or doing something entirely different from 20h50 on Thursday evening.

Bon appetit.

Ah...love is in the air - or is it "in the meadows"?

If you're a sucker for romance and you love a splash of soppy sentimental TV in easy-to-consume doses, then what the small screen had to offer on Monday evening would have been right up your street; the opening episode of the latest series of "L'amour est dans le pré" on M6.

For those of you unfamiliar with the show it's reality TV (don't groan) based on the British version "Farmer Wants a Wife" (which in turn probably developed the format from the original 1980s Swiss version of "Bauer sucht Bäuerin") which of course more accurately describes what it's all about.

Ah yes, trust the language of Molière to add a veneer of sophistication and grace to something which er...gets straight to the point.

Love down among the cows (screenshot "L'amour est dans le pré", M6 video)

Anyway, somehow it has captured the hearts of many French, regularly drawing in millions of viewers and it's not difficult to understand why.

The principle is simple - the quest for love.

Through a TV show? Impossible you might think.

But it works - well from time to time - although there have been a fair few disasters along the way.

Of the 57 participants in the six previous series, 10 couples have tied the knot and there have been 20 babies born.

All right, so the stats aren't exactly overwhelming, but hey, let's not concentrate on those too much as this is all about "lurrrrrv" and the attempts of some rural-based Lonely Hearts to find their soulmates, albeit rather too publicly perhaps.

Whether they be cereal or livestock farmers, vintners or for the first time this season a bio-apiarist, the one thing they all apparently have in common is that they're looking for love.

Their stories and reasons are as varied as you might expect

Some of them have clearly been persuaded their lives can only be made complete by the presence of another half, while others have been there, done that but it didn't work out and they would like to try all over again. There are also those who don't really want a partner or appear to do everything that would lead you to believe that to be so and others who - um quite simply - are just plain odd.

Different strokes for different folks, the programme-makers put together a blend of the sad, the totally normal (what the heck is that?) the weird (ditto) and the far from wonderful.

They're introduced to viewers early on in the year in a series of cow-slapping, grass-chewing portraits during which the effervescent host, Karine Le Marchand, probes gently, giggles greatly and encourages the participants to reveal exactly what they're looking for.

Then it's up to viewers to write in claiming how much they aspire to jacking in their everyday hum drum life for a wellie-clad one, knee deep in mud.

After reading through the replies (the handsome young hunks of course receive heaps of them while the wrinklies or those with a less-than-appealing character might only be sent a handful) each farmer makes a shortlist of those dames or messieurs to be invited for a round of speed dating.

That's where the fun usually begins because you just know immediately who has the hots for whom, which potential date is a disaster waiting to happen, who's on the show just for fun and their Andy Warhol moment and ...dare it be said...who wants a simple roll in the hay.

Each farmer is allowed to choose two lucky candidates to take back to the farm where they spend the best part of a week as an asking-for-trouble ménage à trois "getting to know each other".

There's a click or not. One contender is summarily dispatched (or sometimes both pack their bags) leaving the way clear for the remaining one to "pursue the adventure".

Flame invites farmer to his or her pad to see life from the other side and then the two of them decide together whether to take up the production team's offer of an all-expenses-paid trip to some "exotic" and "romantic" location where, if "it" hasn't already happened, quite frankly it ain't never gonna do so.

But what the heck. It's television.

So what of this new season? What delights did the lovely Le Marchand and her possé of potential husband and wife-seekers have on offer?

The opening programme featured the letter-opening phase; including a hint of things to come in a future series perhaps when horsebreeder Annie, received one from another woman.

Le Marchand has gone on record as saying she would like to have a gay or lesbian farmer as a candidate (that has already been the case in the equivalent programme in both Belgium and Germany) but so far in France there have been no takers.

Annie politely but definitely said "No thank you" to Martine, but the thinking of the production team in airing the clip could very well have been that it might strike a chord with someone out there willing to "go public".

Anyway, after the letter-opening, the programme followed the shortlisting and speed dating of four of the farmers and their first tentative wellie-clad steps down on the farrrrrrm.

Bertrand (screenshot from M6 video)

Bertrand, a 26-year-old from the Rhône-Alpes region admitted that his initial choice of  shortlisting from the piles and piles and piles of potential Mrs Bertrands was based on...oh here's a surprise - "looks".

So it wasn't too difficult to figure out that he would plump for Caroline, the 27 year-old single mother "shy and sensitive" but confident enough to keep the conversation flowing during the short time the two had to get to know each other.

Sadly for her, Bertrand's other choice was to be a 22-year-old bottled-blonde bombshell who had fibbed about her age because Bertrand had said he had been looking for someone between 26 and 30, but caught his eye none the less with a stonking photo and an equally seductive demeanour during the speed dating.

"She can be forgiven for not giving her real age," a clearly smitten Bertrand said, adding that he hoped there would be no more further surprises in store.

Don't be too sure about that. This is a young woman who has apparently already caused quite a stir on the Net, is "a model and wannabe actress" and...oh you get the picture.

It's a match made in media heaven of course, guaranteed probably to be over before it has begun unless Bertrand really is as sincere as he claims and sees through it all.

The doyenne of the seventh series, Jeanne from the Basque country, is one of those who was probably pushed into participating.

Jeanne (screenshot from M6 video)

She has a busy life combining farming with physiotherapy (not at the same time it must be added) and lives with her son in a beautifully if somewhat austerely furnished house.

At 60, she looks neither particularly interested nor motivated in finding a partner and probably won't have done her cause much good by inviting two rather lame contenders back to her chilly home - no central heating, brrrrr.

Lucien, a former teacher, seems sincere enough, if somewhat dull. But he really should lose that sweater-thrown-oh-so-casually over-the-shoulder look which is...er so 80s.

And as for the other potential Romeo, Jean-Marie. Well the bank manager shares something in common with another contestant from the last series in having eyes that look just a little too manic (dare it be said psychotic) and a sense of humour more appropriate for a hormone-laden teenager when almost licking his lips (figuratively speaking) as he spots a double bed in one of the rooms.

Groan.

There's also a blast from the past of sorts in the choice Michel-Edouard (yep the French love their double-barrelled first names) made from his speed dating session.

He was "snared" by a rather desperate-looking woman, Brigitte, who brings back uncomfortable memories of Nina from last year who ran gushing rings around the milder-mannered Philippe.

Heaven help Michel-Edouard and Josiane, the other woman he invited back to his place who was apparently attracted by his calmness. There's not much likelihood of that while Brigitte is around.

Finally a farmer with a dilemma - Dany who has chosen two very similar women Helena and Sylvie both of whom seem to match what he's looking for,

More or less the same age (29 and 31 respectively) they both claim to "adore the countryside" (yeah, yeah) and would be more than ready to upsticks if chosen...which of course gives Helena a distinct advantage because not only was she clearly Dany's first choice and his "coup de cœur" when sifting through the responses, she also lives quite literally just a few kilometres away.

So there you have it.

The first episode in the latest series of wonderfully gritty and perfectly edited stuff.

Larger than life and totally unrealistic? Yes and no. There's certainly a sense of this being entertainment for TV viewers, that's for sure.

But there's also a definite appeal and feeling, especially in some of the farmers and their "prétendantes", that they really are looking for love - sometimes in all the wrong places of course, but occasionally the right ones too.

TF1 prime time news anchor Laurence Ferrari quits

TF1's prime time news anchor Laurence Ferrari will bid farewell to viewers on Thursday evening.

Laurence Ferrari (screenshot TF1 news)

She's off to pastures new(ish), returning to work for the Canal + group with a talk show on Direct 8 which will, in her words, "give her more freedom" and where she'll be able to "bring her experience and personality" - something Ferrari feels she has been unable to do at TF1.

It's hardly the end of an era for French television as the 46-year old has only been presenting TF1's prime time news since September 2008.

That pales somewhat into insignificance compared to the length of tenure of her predecessor, Patrick Poivre d'Arvor (PPDA), who had been doing the job for donkeys years - well 21 of them to be precise.

But her decision came as something of a surprise apparently and the channel now has to look for a replacement.

That of course means speculation is rife and the "usual suspects" are being put forward as potential successors.

Perhaps the most obvious choice would be Harry Roselmack.

He's popular (with viewers) has done the job before (as a stand-in for both PPDA and Ferrari) and currently presents a couple of other programmes on TF1.

But it's only a year since Roselmack announced that he was stepping down from presenting the news to "concentrate on his other projects" - maybe too soon for a return.

Anne-Sophie Lapix, who replaced Ferrari at TF1 when she initially left for Canal + and then again at Canal + when Ferrari returned to TF1 (yes this is very much a game of musical chairs) has already ruled herself out saying she's happy where she is.

And then there's the name of "the dashing" Laurent Delahousse, who has very much stamped his mark on the weekend news over at France 2.

Every time there's a vacancy somewhere (such as when M6 launched its revamped nightly news bulletin or was looking around for a new presenter for 'Capital') Delahousse's name crops up.

He's saying nothing...at the moment.

Mélissa Theuriau? She seems happy at M6 with the fortnightly investigative magazine 'Zone Interdite'.

Julien Arnaud is another possibility. He's currently the replacement for TF1's weekend anchor Claire Chazal but there's a blemish on his record as the mid-morning programme he presented, 'Près de chez vous', was cancelled a year ago after just five months.

And let's not forget Ferrari's former husband Thomas Hugues (hold on to your hats, here comes more musical chairs).

He used to fill in for Chazal at the weekends and present TF1's Sunday evening magazine  'Sept à Huit' with Ferrari.

Both jobs were handed to Roselmack when Ferrari left for Canal + first time around and Hugues went to...well everywhere and nowhere really, most notably i>Télé.

On second thoughts perhaps Hugues is simply too lightweight to be considered.

In the short term it'll be TF1's former London and Washington correspondent Gilles Bouleau who'll take over.

He has been Ferrari's stand-in since Roselmack resigned (aaaaaaargh - this is impossible to follow isn't it) and is also being touted by some as a potential full-time replacement, especially as he comes with little "celebrity status" baggage.

The successful candidate will surely need to be someone the French feel they can - in a manner of speaking - welcome into their homes every evening and who has the stature and credibility of being both a presenter and a journalist.

Those aren't easy roles to combine in a country where the softly-softly deferential approach is often the preferred one especially when "interviewing" political leaders on TV.

Whoever TF1 chooses, the likelihood is that the decision will be made with one eye on audience figures.

Yes,  TV is news is ratings-driven and that has been a constant criticism levelled at Ferrari with the numbers tuning in to watch falling from a nightly average of 9.1 million when she took over to around 6.4 million.

It would be unfair to put that down solely to Ferrari.

She has been up against stiff competition, most notably from David Pujadas who presents the equivalent prime time news programme at exactly the same time as Ferrari over at the public channel France 2.

And there has probably also been a change in French viewing habits - not everyone wants to watch the news at eight o'clock in the evening - coupled with a wider choice of channels - in number if not content.

Throw in the fact that there are now competing all-news broadcasters such as BFM TV, i>Télé and TF1's sister channel LCI and it's surely little surprise that viewing figures have dropped.

Finally on a purely professional behind-the-scenes level he or she will have to work with TF1 news director Catherine Nayl with whom Ferrari has apparently had a less than easy relationship.

France's "sexiest" presidential candidate

Yes, another one of those ridiculous polls to spice up campaigning and distract from the endless political tit-for-tat point scoring in the run-up to the first round of the presidential elections in April.

It's a survey released this week which reveals who the French think is the sexiest candidate in the presidential race.

It was carried out online (says it all, doesn't it) by Harris Interactive on behalf of M6 television and RTL radio, presumably desperate for a new angle before the official announcement (expected on Wednesday evening) by Nicolas Sarkozy that he is going to stand for re-election.

The sample was of "1,025 individuals aged 18 and over and representative of the French population" so it must be credible!

Anyway back to the results and if the French were voting for whom they most fancy, then the winner (at least in the first round) would be...

Drum roll please.

Former prime minister and head of his (virtually) one-man break-out movement République solidaire (United Republic) from the governing centre-right Union pour un mouvement populaire (Union for a Popular Movement, UMP), Dominique de Villepin.

Dominique de Villepin (screenshot BFM TV interview)

And who would he of the finely-chiselled good looks and luscious mane face in a second round run-off?

Yes, this is stretching a survey to its ultimate silliness.

None other than Nathalie Arthaud.

Who?

Nathalie Arthaud (it's perhaps worth repeating) the official candidate of the extreme left Lutte Ouvrière party and the successor to that much-loved seemingly perennial presidential candidate Arlette Laguiller.

Nathalie Arthaud (from Wikipedia author - fepasma)

All right - so the result is about as likely as the poll is in serving some sort of purpose.

But what of the "real" contenders?

Well Sarkozy can still take some comfort before he twitches and grins his way into into the cameras to declare officially his candidacy.

He arrives in a creditable fourth place (Sarkozy sexy? Well Carla obviously thought so, didn't she) just behind the Front National's Marine Le Pen, but ahead of his principle rival the Socialist party's François Hollande.

Just in case you are shaking your head in disbelief at the complete idiocy of such a poll, perhaps you should take some comfort in the fact that 25 per cent of those questioned refused to respond.

There's hope yet!

Bienvenue chez nous - snarky French reality TV

TF1 is offering viewers another of those mindless reality TV shows requiring virtually no brain cell activity.

Bienvenue chez nous is a French version of the UK show Three in a bed.

Contestants judging the cleanliness of a (screenshot from TF1 video of Bienvenue chez nous)

It's a Dîner presque parfait (which is a French copy on rival channel M6 of the UK's Come dine with me - what is it with French TV executives? Can't they come up with their own ideas?) for owners of chambre d'hôtes.

Each episode (it's broadcast every evening Monday-Friday) sees owners (they're always in couples) visiting and spending the night in each others' businesses.

At the end of their stay they give marks out of 10 based on four criteria: the friendliness of their hosts, the location of the establishment, the quality of services proposed such as the meals and activities offered to discover the region, and the cleanliness of the rooms and how well-equipped they are - or not.

Viewers get to see the ratings which will be revealed to all those taking part at the end of the week.

Each couple also leaves comments which the featured owners get to read and react to at the end of every programme.

Oh yes. There's one final criterion, kept secret from everyone until the final show - the amount each couple thinks the stay has been worth.

That's the "concept" - yes such a thing exists and is helpfully spelt out on the official website - of the show.


The reality (ouch) is another excuse for people to judge each other, show how ill-behaved and critical they can be of one another in front of the cameras and in general provide a platform for all round snarkery.

Sadly it in no way reflects the bloody hard work that goes in to running a business, and fails to focus on the time, money and effort renovating and maintaining a property or the courage of those brave enough to take the plunge of trying to make a living by inviting complete strangers into their home.

Bienvenue chez nous could be instructive and insightful.

Instead it seems to belittle the efforts made by those who run a chambre d'hôtes and provide a battleground for egos - all in the name of "entertainment".

Bienvenue chez nous?

Given the evidence of those participating in the programme, it would have to be "No thank you."

Friday's French music break - Sankofa Unit, "Let's dance"

Friday's French music break this week is not from a group in perhaps the recognised sense of the word, but a choir comprising people who can sing. Heck can they sing!

Sankofa Unit

It's the Sankofa Unit, an "urban choir" which has evolved from past participants of the Sankofa Soul Contest a kind of springboard for soul, blues, jazz and gospel talent in France.

Directed by Joby Smith, they've just made an appearance on "La France a un incroyable talent" this country's version of the "Got talent" franchise and, to say the very least, their performance was electrifying.

The show's three judges, Gilbert Rozon, Sophie Edelstein and Dave, were completely blown away as were most of the audience and Sankofa Unit look like a dead cert to be chosen to appear in the semi-finals later in November.

Whether they'll actually win the whole kaboodle is, perhaps, irrelevant, although it would certainly be a financial boost to the 40-strong company.

What's more important though is the national exposure they've already had courtesy of appearing on M6 and the likely impact that'll have on their individual and collective careers.

Here's a live performance you can find on YouTube of the very same song that rocked television sets on Wednesday evening.

The sheer enthusiasm and obvious pleasure they all seem to get from singing is totally infectious and the sound...well it's just uplifting.

Check out their Facebook page for more info.

In the meantime - enjoy.

Matthew Raymond-Barker howls his way to win France's X Factor

Yes the winner of the France's version of the X Factor (and you have to pronounce that as "Ix Factor) is none other than a guy who was literally booted off the British version of the show without making it through to the live prime time snore-athons.

Matthew Raymond-Barker (screenshot M6 video)

Matthew Raymond-Barker outwarbled Marina D'Amico to become the country's latest super-talented "find" and in the process securing a record deal with Sony.

Oh what a night it was to be - a very long one.

Sandrine Corman was on hand to continue her sterling job of keeping the whole shebang flowing - just as she had done for the past three months.

The judges took their places with Olivier Schultheis (D'Amico's coach) and Canadian impressionist-singer Véronic DiCaire (for Raymond-Barker) keeping their fingers (and just about anything else) crossed for their protegés and it was time to let battle begin.

The show was to be - in the words of Christophe Willem, one of the judges and as a former talent show winner (Nouvelle Star) and ergo someone who should know, "A clash of the Titans".

Even the rather more surly Henry Padovani, a founder member of the Police (did you know that?) and the poor guy who had to pretend that he had actually enjoyed his role as coach of three groups that were never going to win, managed to drum up some enthusiasm for both D'Amico and Raymond-Barker admitting grumpily (and not with any real sincerity) that they, "deserved to be in the final."

Raymond-Barker's (doesn't that just trip off the tongue delightfully) parents had made the trip over from Britain. Poor things, they looked as though they didn't understand a word of what was being said throughout, which was probably the case.

D'Amico's parents too were in the audience - just as they had been all along to cheer their 17-year-old daughter along.

We learned that the 22-year-old Raymond-Barker had turned up at the auditions by - in his words - "pure chance" (yeah, yeah, we believe you), that D'Amico made endless (mindless) jokes and that the two of them couldn't wait to perform together for the first time in the competition.

The songs came and went: three from each of them including the one that would be the first single should they win the competition.

The judges gave their verdicts, which, let's face it, were never going to be along the lines of, "Well that was a load of old tripe. How the heck did we end up with these two in the final?"

Guests Bouncy - sorry Beyoncé - and Bruno Mars showed both Raymond-Barker and D'Amico how it really should be done.

But once again the presence of two international stars performing live didn't really do it in terms of ratings.

Only 2.3 million could be bothered to tune to X Factor while at the same time 8.2 million were glued to their boxes watching the US import "Dr House" over on TF1.

The finals songs sung, both competitors and their coaches joined Corman on stage as she gave a brief resumé of their capabilities (all that was needed really) and told everyone how close the competition had been with only 1,300 votes separating the two.

"The winner of X Factor 2011..." dramatic pause #1..."is"...dramatic pause #2..."MATTYOU RAYMOND-BARKEEEEEEEEER!"

Dicaire gave her "Mattyou" a huge hug. Schulties looked very purse-lipped about the result and D'Amico jutted out her substantial chin in brave defeat.

Raymond-Barker thanked everyone he could think of in French before uttering the inevitable "I don't believe it" in English and the rest of the "also-took-part" contestants rushed on stage to congratulate/comiserate a they saw fit.

Just time for the winner to prepare himself to murder Daniel Balavoine's 1982 hit "Vivre ou survivre" for one last time.

That's the song which will be released on Saturday as his first (and only?) single.

M6 has yet to decide whether it will continue the search for that someone with the X Factor next year or revert to Nouvelle Star (Pop Idol).

Here's a suggestion...how about "Neither of the above".

In the meantime, here's a chance for you to "enjoy" Matthew Raymond-Barker singing "Vivre ou survivre" with the original from Balavoine to serve as a comparison.

France's X Factor - magnificent Maryvette Lair

The television audiences might not be the highest (just 2.2 million tuned in to M6 for the latest edition) and the whole concept is perhaps missing its mark.

But the French version of X Factor (now in its second season) still manages to throw up some delights.

And none more so than the performance during Tuesday's show by Maryvette Lair in the "Over 25s" category.

Maryvette Lair (screenshot from M6 video)

The 27-year-old actress-singer-trapeze artist (what a combination) took a monster hit from one of France's biggest stars and transformed it.

"Que je t'aime" is universally known in France as a Johnny Hallyday anthem; certainly among fans of the ageing rocker and probably for those who aren't too keen on the 67-year-old's music.

So it was always going to be a gamble to tackle the 1969 hit taken from the album of the same name.

Lair though is obviously one for taking risks and, quite simply, has shown the knack of being able to take a song and...well...make it her own.

She might not win the competition. In fact she probably won't.

That'll most likely be fought out between one of the "boys" such as Raphaël Herrerias in the "Under 25s" - if he can match his voice, talent, and good looks with the right songs - and one of the "girls" in the "Under 25s", probably Marina D'amico who can belt out a song (in tune) but has as much stage presence as a plank of wood (well she is just 16 years old).

But Lair's performances mark her out as something other than just another voice - and even one of the judges coaching an opposing category (girls), the lyricist, composer and conductor Olivier Schultheis, had to admit as much.

"You're talented and that's for sure," he said.

"Congratulations, that was magnificent."

It was.

So here's a treat - Lair's version (just click on the image below from M6 replay and wait for the commercial to pass) followed by the original from Hallyday.

Enjoy!

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