Friday's French music break - The Toy Dolls, "Nellie the elephant"

Friday's French music break this week whisks you back a few of decades - all the way to 1982 to be precise.

And it takes you once again beyond the borders of France.

It's the Toy Dolls with their rendition of the 1956 song "Nellie the elephant".

The Toy Dolls (screenshot from Top of the Pops appearance)

Agreed there's not much French about either the group or the song,  but it was a "request" so don't shoot the messenger.

Besides, although the point of these posts is to feature artists primarily from France, there has been the occasional foray outside of the hexagon to, for example, Colombia (Shakira), Italy (Puccini) and Belgium (Stromae).

As a consequence, the "Frenchness" in the choice is sometimes more than a little tenuous and most definitely always arbitrary.

Anyway, The Toy Dolls it is.

When they formed, the first burst of Punk Rockers had reached their peak.

It was 1979, the year Sex Pistols' bass player Sid Vicious died.

Art Garfunkel's syrupy "Bright eyes" was the biggest selling single in the UK.

The likes of Blondie ("Heart of glass") and The Boomtown Rats ("I don't like Monday's) were competing with disco hits from The Village People (YMCA) and Gloria Gaynor ("I will survive") and a re-invigorated Bee Gees ("Tragedy").

The Police ("Message in a bottle") and Pink Floyd ("Another brick in the wall") both charted.

The Buggles were insisting that "Video killed the radio star". Tubeway Army were asking "Are friends electric" while Gary Numan was taking to the synthesiser with "Cars".

And Cliff Richard was...well being Cliff Richard yet again with "We don't talk anymore".

Yes, it was a classic year for pop music - in the UK at least -  in all its dubious glory.

The Toy Dolls were not your typical angry young men of Punk though. Their approach, and one that seems to have lasted down the years, was to have fun. And some of their singles have reflected this.

There was "Cheerio & toodle tip" for example in 1983 with its memorable lyrics,

"Who's a pretty boy then? Your girlfriend says when she's got you wearing a tie
You're looking like a puff and you think I've had enough
Stop and take a look at yourself for a while
And you'll know it's time to say earlier

And "James Bond lives down our street" in 1985 when they sang,

"I've seen him he catches the 32 bus
James Bond lives down our street
sometimes he sits on the back seat with us
he's got a gun strapped to his chest
you can't shoot him in a bullet proof vest
a clever lad but can be a pest sometime."

But the group's biggest...er...maybe that should be "only" UK chart hit (peaking at number four) was their 1982 remake of "Nellie the Elephant" - the sort of thing that was probably bound to appeal to Top of the Pops viewers and radio listeners alike for its sheer novelty value if nothing else.

So what happens after apparently being a  "one-hit wonder" - commercially speaking? Well groups such as the Toy Dolls don't go away.

They go on tour - constantly, it seems.

Their line-up has changed - frequently over the years. The original quartet soon became a three-piece group and they went on the road at home and abroad building up a steady and faithful following which seems to have seen them survive the years.

Michael "Olga" Algar is the only original member still with the band. He, along with Duncan "The Amazing Mr. Duncan" Redmonds and Tom "Tommy Goober" Blyth are currently on an international tour - entitled "The tour after the last one" with dates in the Netherlands, Italy, Germany, USA, Slovakia, Poland and Spain.

And what's more, they also have nine - yes count them - nine appearances scheduled for May in France starting on May 14 in Bordeaux, passing through Cognac, Tarbes, Nimes, Lyon, Rouen, Caen and Saint Brieuc before giving their final show at Le Bataclan in Paris on May 24.

Anyway, here's what you've all been waiting for. No need for pretentious prattle in reviewing the performance. You either like it or you don't. Although apparently they're a lot of fun live.

If you want more info on the group, visit their official website.

For the moment though, here they are singing "Nellie the elephant" - and what's the betting that if you're British, you'll probably be able to sing along.

Miserable start for France at Sochi Winter Olympics

It's all a bit sad at the moment - France's performance at the Winter Olympics in Sochi that is.

All right, so it's only early days yet, but already TV commentators and sports reporters are finding "reasons" for the distinct lack of medals from those, such as biathlete Martin Fourcade, who were supposedly favourites to finish on the podium.

Heck, even that great winter sporting nation, Great Britain has one medal thanks to Jenny Jones' third place finish in the snowboard slopestyle.

Yes it could, for those clueless among us, be mistaken for the elaborate brass monkeys version of skateboarding but it was/is apparently one of the most popular events at the Winter X Games (that stands for extreme sports and nothing...er...remotely risqué.)

As if to add insult to injury (well when you're talking sports, you've got to trot out the clichés) the French Yahoo site isn't helping matters either with the banner giving the most recent tally of medals - Norway in the lead at the time of writing moment, followed by Canada...and then "0" for France.

(screenshot from Yahoo France front page)

Back in 2010 in Vancouver, the French also got off to a slow start, but in the end managed to take home 11 medals including two gold.

Mind you, none of them came from the country's much vaunted Alpine skiing team which, given the unforgettable performance of Marion Rolland, didn't really come as much of a surprise.

Do you remember that moment when Rolland (sadly injured for this year's games) in true sporting journalism hyperbole, "carried the hopes of the country in the women's downhill?

...for all of three seconds.

Marion Rolland: la chute la plus rapide au JO ( ski) sur WAT.tv sélectionnée dans Sport

Can France find its Pudsey?

M6 is currently broadcasting the seventh season of "La France a un incroyable talent", the French equivalent of "Britain's got talent".

Canadian impresario - Gilbert Rozon, the artistic director of Cirque Pinder - Sophie Edelstein and Wouter Levenbach - the Dutch-born singer better-known in this country under his stage name Dave - are back again sitting through the usual motley bunch of acts from which they and later the viewers - can find that "incredible talent".

Precocious children all "autodidact" of course convinced they can sing, dance or play an instrument.

Acrobats from around the world (that's right, the programme is not confined to purely French "talent") who've clearly trained professionally but want an extra bit of exposure by being on telly.

Dance troupes in all shapes and sizes.

"Comedians"- well they think they're funny even if nobody else does.

Those with a message, political, social or just downright dumb such as bursting out of a bin liner or slapping food all over the table.

Motorbikers, magicians, drag acts, choirs - young and old - bands, singers...the list goes on an on.

Still it makes for - ahem - suitably mindless television with presenters Sandrine Corman and her sidekick Alex Goude entertaining themselves as much as the viewers and all the while keeping the show going.

Somehow though anyone watching must be left with the feeling that the real "talent" is to be found elsewhere, especially as immediately following the programme there is the additional and imaginatively- named "La France a un incroyable talent, ça continue".

It recaps what has just been broadcast - very handy if you missed the show in the first place - takes a look at what has happened to past contestants since they first appeared and, most importantly perhaps, allows viewers a glimpse of what's going on in other countries.

And given the original concept is one that has pretty much been picked up around the world, there's obviously enough material out there.

Somehow though you get the feeling that the copies aren't really a patch on the original which gave the world Susan Boyle (although she didn't win) back in 2009 and earlier this year brought us a 16-year-old girl and her dog.

Pudsey (screenshot from "Britain's got talent")

That's right. Ashleigh Butler and her six-year-old performing Border Collie, Bichon Frise and Chinese Crested cross Pudsey walked - or should that be danced? - off with the title of "Britain's got talent" in May this year.

And it's only thanks to "La France a un incroyable talent, ça continue" that viewers here have finally discovered the dog's truly amazing talent.

So here's the video.

Enjoy.

Woof.

Simplifying the wonderfully complicated world of French employment law - a possibility?

Ah the madness that is French employment law.

Every evening on Europe 1, journalist David Abiker has a spot called "La geule de l'emploi" in which he takes a look at working France from a number of different angles.

On Thursday's edition he highlighted a one-line bill which Jean-Pierre Decool, a member of parliament for the centre-right Union pour un Mouvement Populaire (Union for a Popular Movement, UMP) wants to introduce.

It concerns employment law.

You know - the whole body of law and administrative rulings that covers everything and anything to do with the relationship between employer and employee; the contract of employment, minimum wage, working time, health and safety, discrimination....(thank you to someone at Wikipedia)

In short it's supposed to provide rights which will protect an employee from any mistreatment by their employer and regulate the relationship between the two.

Yes it's hard to give a Daily Mail-type summary of something so complicated and of course the French have found a way of making an already complex subject even more confusing.

And because Decool thinks that French employment law is just a little (well actually a lot) out of synch with 21st century requirements, he wants to simplify matters and make the whole area much more - for want of a better word - transparent.

The sheer bulk of legislation is particularly overwhelming for small and medium-side enterprises as far as Decool and probably many others are concerned.

Look at some of the examples he quotes in the introduction to his bill. They need to be treated carefully of course, but Abiker wasn't disputing them during his report.

In 1973 there were 600 articles enshrined in employment law in France. Today there are 10,000.

In Switzerland employment law apparently contains just 54 articles

In France there are, says Decool, currently 30 different forms of a contract of employment. In the United Kingdom there's just one.

In France, if you're fired you have five years to contest your dismissal. In Spain it's apparently just 20 days.

Take a pay slip in France and you'll be faced with 24 lines. In the UK there are just four.

While multinationals can employ armies of lawyers to work their way through the mass of legislation and the small text to ensure they're complying with the law, Decool insists smaller companies simply cannot afford either the time or the money.

And that's not to mention the impact it can have on any foreign investor thinking of setting up shop in France and faced with 10,000 articles with which they have to comply.

On his blog, Abiker helpfully provides a pdf file to Decool's proposal which you can download and read through at your leisure.

He also has a link to a great video from former minister Rama Yade in which she talks about exactly the difference between formulating laws governing employment during her (pre-ministerial) time as an administrator in the Senate and actually putting them into practice...which she has had to do since she joined the private sector to work for a human resources company.

"When I was a Senate administrator I 'made' the law: in other words I assembled all the different elements to produce something that could actually be voted on," she says.

"And I was especially happy when it came to employment law, because I thought I had summarised things pretty well," she continues.

"Now I'm seeing things from the other side and having to put into practice some of those things that I actually wrote and I just have to ask myself, how I could have written what I did  because quite simply some of the things just cannot be applied to the workplace."

Yep, employment law is a very necessary and noble part of any modern day society, but does it really need to be so absurdly complex and confusing as France would appear to have us all believe?

Parliament seems to think so.

French president 2017 - Bill Clinton?

It might seem like something of a long shot, but apparently former US president Bill Clinton is - or rather could make himself - eligible to run for the Élysée palace.

Bill Clinton (screenshot from CNN interview)

Clinton was being interviewed by CNN's Piers Morgan on Tuesday who rather lightheartedly put to the former US president, an invitation to run as prime minister of the United Kingdom at some point in the future.

The 66-year-old Clinton smiled in response and said there were only two countries for which he could be eligible to run for the leadership position; Ireland and France.

And here's his explanation of how he could at a push, put the wind up the likes of François Hollande, François Fillon, Marine Le Pen and others.

Well, it's "possible" at a stretch - a very long stretch mind you.

Go on, admit you made a mistake

It's not often we hear anyone admit they made a mistake, is it? And similarly it's probably just as seldom any of us own up to being in the wrong or having failed.

Admitting to either is...well, just not "cool" is it?

More than that it's downright embarrassing and defines us as ........GASP.....losers.

Everyday life usually teaches us to cover up our errors in so far as we can.

On the Net - well there's the security of hiding behind the anonymity of the keyboard which encourages far too many of us to say things we (hopefully) ordinarily wouldn't say face-to-face, refusing to acknowledge that maybe, just maybe sometimes we might be wrong, let alone apologise.

In politics - forget it. "Attack really is the best means of defence".  And even if they know their policies are going belly up, or they've failed to carry out electoral promises, politicians simply change their tune reinventing the "truth" to fit the circumstances.

All right so occasionally there's a "mea culpa" such as former French president Nicolas Sarkozy at the beginning of his failed re-election campaign (says it all, doesn't it) or more recently the UK's deputy prime minister (what's that?) Lib Dem leader Nick Clegg "apologising" ad nauseam at the party's conference.

But they're the exceptions rather than the rule.

And in business of course it's the complete antithesis of a company's raison d'être - to be successful.

But here's something of a (not-so) novel idea. We can all learn from our mistakes.

That's the premise behind a one-day conference being held in Paris on Tuesday,

All right so the symposium is aimed at what the organisers Failcon, say are "technology entrepreneurs, investors, developers and designers" and is supposed to encourage  participants to "stop being afraid of failure and start embracing it."

That's surely more than spurious self-motivational claptrap and something from which we could all benefit by applying it what ever we do in all aspects of our lives.

So go on - admit your mistakes, own up to having failed, or apologise for being at fault...unless of course - like me - you're perfect.


Sarkozy se justifie du "casse toi pauvre con" et... par lemondefr

Valérie Trierweiler resurfaces - Amber alert averted

Oh but it has been an anxious couple of weeks for the French and in particular the country's media.

Because ever since the infamous Seggers Twittergate affair little has been heard and virtually nothing seen of Valérie Trierweiler.

First up her page on the official site of the French president's office went "whoosh" as it disappeared.

And then the woman herself dropped "discreetly out of view" as Elle magazine (well, what did you expect? Le Monde as a source?) headlined.

She wasn't, as Le Parisien (yes another admirable source. On a roll) pointed out, in London with François Hollande as he sipped tea with Mrs Windsor and shared a carpet joke or two with David Cameron.

And apart from her Mills and Boon-type contribution to a behind-the-scenes look in a book about Hollande's presidential campaign (she wrote the treacly text to accompany Stéphane Ruet's photos) not a squeak or a peep had been heard of her for nearly a month.

Worrying times indeed.

Heck even the international media was concerned with the Italian daily Corriere della sera getting in on the act and reporting that Trierweiler had vanished.

It was all too much.

A country firstladyless and desperate for news of its number one journalist.

Rumours - as they always do in such cases - began circulating.

Some maintained Trierweiler had been seen, rag in hand and scarf tied around head to protect her lustrous mane, cleaning the windows of the Elysée palace. Penance for bad behaviour?

Others insisted she had been sent away on a retreat to contemplate her navel, work out a strategy for making amends and think about what a naughty, naughty woman she had been.

But apart from unsubstantiated gossip, her real whereabouts remained a mystery.

"Where was she?" was the anxious yet silent cry that could be heard not just in France, but around the world.

It was almost enough to launch an Amber alert, don't you think?

Well, the answer can now be revealed.

(Drum roll please)

Calais.

Valérie Trierweiler makes the front page of local daily Nord littoral)

As the local daily (hey, she clearly knows how to make the news) Nord Littoral reported in its Tuesday edition, Trierweiler was seen...wait for it...drinking coffee in a café last week in Coulogne, a suburb of the northern French town of Calais.

She had apparently been visiting a centre for handicapped children run by the partner of a soldier killed while on duty in Afghanistan in June.

And the details of her reappearance were oh so very far removed from the juicy ones the French have all come to love and expect in the short time she has been their first thingamajig.

She reportedly brought her own food - very normal, don't you think?

The national media hadn't been informed ahead of time and in fact the centre only discovered Trierweiler would be paying a flying visit half an hour before she turned up.

The gentlest of gentle reintroductions to get her back into the swing of things with the feeling that the nation can now give a collective sigh of relief that Trierweiler is ready for a comeback deserving of her status.

And that'll be at the weekend when she appears at Hollande's side during France's annual display of military might and pride at the Bastille parade in Paris on Saturday.

And then it's off to Avignon for a spot of culture (her newly-discovered speciality at Paris Match, the international weekly news magazine for which she works) at the city's festival.

Relief indeed.

The French will be able to  sleep more soundly in their beds at night.

Welcome back.

Friday's French music break - Dave Dario, “Aujourd’hui”

Friday's French music break this week is from another of those contestants who took part, but didn't win the now-defunct television talent show Nouvelle Star: proving once again that the jury and the public don't always get it right.

Dave Dario (screenshot from “Aujourd’hui” official clip)

It's Dave Dario with his second single, “Aujourd’hui” - the kind of song that could well be surprise summer hit in France.

It's charming, easy on the ear and rides the wave of folk-influenced pop music which seems so fashionable at the moment.

There's also the obligatory mouth harmonica solo thrown in for good measure and of course, not forgetting that Dario actually has quite a pleasant voice.

Dario left his native Mauritius when he was just 17, first for South Africa and then London where he tried out unsuccessfully for X Factor.

In an interview recently he said the years spent in the UK were tough, but also helped him.

"I didn't have much money and I found myself busking quite a lot," he said.

"I managed to get by and slept on friends' sofas, waiting for the next audition."

One of those auditions was in Paris in 2010 for the eighth and, what would be, final season of Nouvelle Star.

The then 27-year-old made it through to the last 15, appearing each week on the show until being knocked out. He finished sixth behind the eventual winner Luce (Lucie Brunet) after weeks of not-exactly fulsome praise from the four-member jury who had chosen him in the first place.

Since then he has been quietly but consistently tailoring his craft, was recently the warm-up act at one of Canadian singer Isabelle Boulay's Paris concerts and has secured a recording contract with Polydor France.

His debut album, from which “Aujourd’hui” is taken, is due out later this year and is as Dario describes one which, "mixes pop, folk and groove," just in the image of the man himself with "warmth and sincerity."


Oh yes, and once again, he has a very pleasing voice to listen to.

So enjoy and let it groove you into a weekend feeling.

Dominique Strauss-Kahn: "Perhaps I was politically naive" - he's kidding right?

There might well be something to the claims made by former International Monetary Fund boss Dominique Strauss-Kahn that political opponents' handling of the events after his infamous sexual encounter with a maid in a New York hotel in May 2011 amounted to an "orchestration".

 DSK arrest in New York (screenshot BFM TV)

After all, it's not the first time such allegations have been made.

But one sentence in a piece by Edward Jay Epstein in Friday's edition of the UK daily national The Guardian surely makes a complete mockery of any arguments there might be to back up that theory and any support he might still have.

"Perhaps I was politically naive but I simply did not believe that they would go that far … I didn't think they could find anything that could stop me," he says.

Politically naive?

Strauss-Kahn might be many things, but surely "politically naive" isn't one of them.

From a man who had a long career in French politics and served as both a member of the National Assembly and two years as finance minister, ran (unsuccessfully) for the 2007 Socialist party presidential nomination and was later appointed head of the IMF after being nominated by Nicolas Sarkozy.

He's having us on right?

When will the media stop running profiles and interviews with a man who was a total disgrace and embarrassment to France and its  political system?

French-bred horse Neptune Collonges wins Grand National - but at what price?

Saturday was the 165th running of what is for many in the United Kingdom a national institution; the Grand National at Aintree.

Neptune Collonges (Wikipedia)

And just as every year since 1960, the BBC broadcast the race live.

In France it could be seen on...er the equine sporting channel Equidia live TV and there was a special reason for the French to be in front of their screens applauding because for the second time in four years a French-bred horse won.

Back in 2009 it was 100-1 outsider Mon Mome who won by 12 lengths.

This time around it was a much closer affair with another French-bred, British-trained horse, the 11-year-old grey thoroughbred Neptune Collonges putting in an amazing turn of speed to beat Sunnyhillboy by a nose in a photo finish.

And that after four miles and four furlongs of what is arguably the most gruelling of horse races.

Neptune Collonges in photo finish with Sunnyhillboy (screenshot Racing UK TV)

But somewhat overshadowing the thrill of the win has been the death of another of horse in the race, Synchronised.

Before the field was underway this year's Gold Cup winner had provided and made quite a spectacle of himself unseating his rider, champion jockey AP McCoy, but being passed fit by course vets to race once he had calmed down.

Everyone knew and knows how dangerous horseracing is and perhaps the Grand National is the most challenging race there is.

But safety measures have been tightened over the years and officials have made changes to the course and size of some of the fences and the infamous Becher's Brook, although still surely the most frightening of obstacles, isn't quite what it once was.

And it was to be Becher's that would prove to be the undoing of the nine-year-old Synchronised when he fell and unseated McCoy on the first circuit.

These horses are bred to race and jump though. They love it and live it, don't they?

That's the argument put forward by many and indeed the way the riderless Synchronised continued jumping certainly seemed to add weight to that argument.

Except five fences he fractured a leg as a result of jumping and had to be put down.

And he wasn't the only fatality during this year's race.

According to Pete, suffered the same demise after he was brought down at Becher's second time around.

In fact, a quick look at recent statistics from the British Horseracing Authority shows that 20 horses have died in races over Grand National fences since 2001 and 10 have died in the race itself in the last 12 years.

Yes the day was a great result for French-bred horses but as a sporting event - was it really worth it?

What chance for France at Eurovision when up against Gramps and Grans?

It's admittedly a couple of months until that annual musical jamboree the Eurovision Song Contest takes place but it's already making the news as participating countries decide who they'll be sending to represent them in Baku.

Yes - as an aside - this year's "musical jamboree" will take place in the capital of Azerbaijan (break out the atlas) thanks to that country's win last year.

Anggun (screenshot from television interview with LCI)

And following hot on the heels of the United Kingdom's decision to send Engelbert Humperdinck to sing his lungs out, Russia has now decided to uphold a long Eurovision tradition by choosing a song to represent it which surely...er...is taking the Michael (that's putting it politely).

And France?

Well it just doesn't seem to be able to treat the "cultural event of the year" in quite the manner those inverted commas would deem appropriate.

Rather than relying on humour, it seems to take the whole affair far too seriously.

Granted, back in 2007 France sent Les Fatals Picards along to represent it in Helsinki with "L'amour à la française", but after only managing 22nd (out of 24 in the final) seemed to realise that perhaps the rest of Europe didn't "get" the French touch at being lighthearted.

So the Powers that Be at France television, realising that it had perhaps made an error, took the choice of who would represent the country away from viewers and reverted to the tradition of appointing an artist who would carry the colours in a manner more befitting the country's (ahem) musical heritage and cultural diversity

There followed, in order, Sébastien Tellier (2008, 19th in Serbia), Patricia Kaas (2009, eighth in Russia), Jessy Matador (2010, 12th in Norway) and Amaury Vassili (2011, 15th in Germany).

Following up on Vassili's dreadfully awful or awfully dreadful "Sognu" from last year, which bookies (at least as far as the French were reporting) ranked among the favourites but only managed in the singer's words a "shitty finish" it's the turn of Indonesian-born Anggun to try her luck.

While the United Kingdom will be sending along ageing crooner Engelbert Humperdinck, who'll be 76 by the time the contest comes around, and Russia has just chosen a bunch of grannies Buranovskiye Babushki (try saying that after a few vodkas) to, in the words of the song "Party for everybody" (see video), France is pinning its hopes on a serious singer with international success and appeal who has already "conquered France and Europe" according to her official bio and won umpteen awards.



Ah yes. But this is Eurovision, an event which has brought millions of viewers such memorable moments as Stefan Raab "ridiculing the ridiculous" as Terry Wogan put it for Germany in 2000 with "Wadde hadde dudde da" or Ireland's Dustin the turkey reminding everyone that "he comes from a nation what knows how to write a song" in 2008 with "Irelande douze pointe"
and Finland's Lordi head banging their way to victory in 2006 with "Hard Rock Hallelujah" (you can click on the links to jog your memory).

What chance does Anggun's "Echo (You and I)" stand especially when up against the gramps and grans of the UK and Russia?

Is Germany's Angela Merkel leading a "boycott François Hollande" pact?

How could anyone think such a thing?

Of course there's absolutely no substance to the report in the German weekly news magazine Der Spiegel that some European leaders have agreed collectively "not to meet the French Socialist party's presidential candidate, François Hollande, when he comes to their respective countries."

François Hollande (screenshot BFM TV news report)

The agreement, according to the magazine, is between Germany's chancellor Angela Merkel and the prime minister of Italy and Spain, Mario Monti and Mariano Rajoy.

They've apparently promised to snub Hollande because of "his plans to renegotiate the treaty on tighter budget discipline for the euro zone."

And just for good measure, the United Kingdom's prime minister, David Cameron is also party to the alleged "pact", even though he didn't sign up to the treaty.

But it can't possibly be true because Berlin has denied the suggestion of the existence of an anti-Hollande pact as the German news channel n-tv reports.

A government spokeswoman told the channel that, "It's up to each individual government leader to decide whether to meet Hollande. So far in Germany, there has been no date fixed."

Aha. That's all right then.

Everyone can forget about that appearance Merkel made with the French president Nicolas Sarkozy on French television's prime time news as a sign of solidarity for the work the two had put in to saving Europe.

After all, Sarkozy wasn't officially a candidate at the time - that came a matter of days later - and Merkel seemed happy to throw her weight behind a man who is, after all, more-or-less in the same broad political family.

Nothing untoward or inappropriate there then.

And David Cameron not meeting Hollande when the Socialist party candidate was in London recently to woo the many French voters who live on the other side of the Channel and put the minds of the City at rest - well, once again that was completely understandable.

In theory at least, Cameron is on the same political wavelength as Sarkozy, so it's obvious he would support the current French president in his bid for re-election and to paraphrase, it's "just not cricket" (or goes against protocol) to meet candidates during an election period (although it's quite all right to offer support as he did to Sarkozy in an interview with Le Figaro a couple of weeks ago).

So it's not snubbing Hollande by any means. Merkel and Cameron et al are quite at liberty to decide who they support and meet; there's absolutely no obligation to even to appear diplomatic and objective.

But wait.

Is that a murmur of disagreement and a word or two of caution from someone highly placed within Merkel's own government?

Surely not.

Yes it is.

And it comes from none other than the German foreign minister and the former leader of the Freie Demokratische Partei (the Free Democratic Party, FDP) currently Merkel's coalition partner in government, Guido Westerwelle.

In an interview with the Sunday edition of the German national daily Die Welt, Westerwelle, while not directly addressing the reports of an implied pact, had a few words of advice for his own country's politicans.

"I would advise all German parties to exercise restraint," he said.

"The party-political debate in Germany is not one that should be transferred to France and the government is not part of the French election campaign," he said.

"We've worked very well with the current French government but we also should also make it clear that we would work closely with any government French voters choose."



Hollande boycotté par les principaux dirigeants... par BFMTV

France gets (David) Beckham's briefs

It might be solace of some sort for French football fans after the rumours that the British player, David Beckham, was about to sign for Ligue 1 side Paris Saint-Germain, came to nowt.

David Beckham (screenshot from H&M commercial)

Because now they can, in a manner of speaking, at least get their hands on a part of one of the world's most famous players after the line of underwear bearing his name was launched in France this week.

All right so it comes a week after the Swedish retail company H&M started selling the "Bodywear collection" in London and that "Beckham in his pants" moment during last Sunday's Super Bowl in the United States when the entire promotional video of the 36-year-old "stretching and arching an eyebrow" clad only in the vestimentary bare essentials was shown during a commercial break.

But retailing at anything from €9.95 to €14.95 the range of underwear, tee-shirts and pajamas are an affordable gift - aren't they?

Hey there are even long johns in the collection to keep both the vitals and the legs warm during this cold winter snap.

The only downside - well there are a couple really - is that donning "Bodywear" won't give you the same sort of figure as the Posh Spice's Other Half and you won't suddenly become an overnight sensation on the pitch.

Never mind, you can always dream.

And maybe someone will dip into their long pockets to offer you a Valentine's gift.

Maïtena Biraben's absurd parody tribute to Queen Elizabeth's 60th anniversary

It was an entry and a half for the presenter of Monday morning's edition of the Canal + breakfast programme "La Matinale".

To mark the 60th anniversary of Britain's Queen Elizabeth II's accession to the throne, La Matinale's presenter, Maïtena Biraben, began the programme disguised as...well who else really?

Maïtena Biraben as Queen Elizabeth II (screenshot from La Matinale)

Dressed from head to toe in what was presumably meant to be a regal version of Barbie pink and donning a ridiculous wig, Biraben got the programme underway to the strains of the 1977 hit "God save the Queen" by the English punk band the Sex Pistols.

An indication surely that just in case viewers were having a hard time realising the whole thing was a parody, the "fun" had to be underscored with a dated song that "attacked Britons' social conformity and deference to the Crown".

Ha ha.

If you're telling a joke and nobody's laughing, try repeating it.

That's bound to raise a smile heh?

Morandini Zap: Maïtena Biraben arrive sur le plateau de "La Matinale" déguisée en Elizabeth II Vidéo jeanmarcmorandini sélectionnée dans Replay TV

Thankfully the remainder of, what is usually, an excellent way to begin the day, had a more conventional approach to reporting and presenting, including a special on the anniversary, an interview and a look at the relationship the British apparently have with their head of state.

Biraben quickly "lost" the absurd garb although it some of it managed to find its way on to fellow journalist Léon Mercadet towards the end of the programme.

Funny?

Well, mildly so perhaps, although it's not hard to imagine that if the Queen had seen it (not exactly likely it has to be admitted) she might well have quoted one of her antecedents to the throne, Victoria, with a cutting, "We are not amused".

Warning.

Biraben ended Tuesday's edition of La Matinale with a hint that viewers should expect something "special" the following day to mark the release in France of Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace 3D.

Oh yes.

After Biraben as Queen Elizabeth II comes Darth Vader perhaps?

London on the move -those geographical wizards at CNN are at it again

Remember a couple of months ago when, during the G20 summit in Cannes the US cable news channel CNN managed to show a map during one report which placed the city not on the French Riviera but several hundred kilometres away in Spain?

No big deal perhaps as Cannes is only slightly well-known internationally for hosting an annual film festival and whoever was responsible for the mix-up can be forgiven for his or her error - can't they?

Obviously though the channel isn't content with "small fry" in its attempt to redraw the map of Europe.

It has now turned its attention to a much bigger "fish" - London.

(screenshot CNN)

Because in a report last weekend on the latest arrests in the 'phone hacking scandal that have "rocked" (don't you just love that word?) the United Kingdom, some bright spark at CNN managed to move the capital 120 miles to the north-east.

It is, according to the channel, now to be found in the county of Norfolk - right where Norwich used to be.

But wait.

That's not all.

CNN has also created an entirely new town in the south-west of the country; Cornwall.

That's reassuring isn't it?

Oh well, let's just hope that when it comes to the Summer Olympics the channel manages to get its act together.

On current form though, it doesn't bode well.

Satire - France seen by foreigners and the French

Perhaps you recall a recent post here, "Europe according to bigots".

It featured satirical maps by Bulgarian-born graphic designer Yanko Tsvetkov and illustrated how the continent was viewed by others around the world by relying on clichés and stereotypes.

There's a similar set of maps doing the rounds concentrating specifically on La Belle France - as it's seen not only from abroad but also by the French.

Of course they're not to be taken seriously, but hidden behind the caricature isn't there just a slight element of truth?

For the Japanese, the country is portrayed as just one big tourist destination while the Chinese are only interested in Paris and its suburbs because both give them the chance to get their hands on businesses at a knock-down rate.

From the French point of view, there's one showing environmentalist and anti-globalisation campaigner José Bové's view of a country covered in McDonald's outlets for example.

And another emphasises Parisians' blinkered view that the City of Lights is the centre of the Universe and anything else is...well provincial.

Here are a few screengrabs showing UK and US views as well as those of some French.

Click on the images to enlarge

(screengrab from wikistrike.com)

(screengrab from wikistrike.com)

For the rest you can go here.

British hairdresser brings the "Hair bus" to a part of rural France

You're probably familiar with the idea of mobile libraries, bakers or even butchers in France; serving mainly (although not exclusively) remote rural areas and a definite Godsend to many.

But how about a mobile hairdresser?

Mark Collett (screenshot from TF1 news)

Yes they exist too - at least one does in the département of Haute-Vienne in the southwestern region of Limousin and it's run by an enterprising British hairdresser, Mark Collett, and his French wife, Isabelle.

"Hair bus", le salon de coiffure itinérant

Collett and his wife Isabelle are both hairdressers and since last September (according to the regional daily la Montagne ) have been running a mobile service for those living within 30 kilometre radius of their base, the village of Saint-Bonnet-Briance.

They are both are both hairdressers and since last September (according to another report in the regional daily la Montagne ) have been running a mobile service for those living within 30 kilometre radius of their base, the village of Saint-Bonnet-Briance

They invested in an old (British) minibus previously used for transporting the disabled and adapted it to suit their needs.

"We chose that type of vehicle because we wanted to make it easier for people who had reduced mobility to take up our service,' Collett told the paper.

It took the couple almost 18 months to remodel the minibus and file the necessary official paperwork, but TF1 news reported on Monday, it certainly seems to be successful.

"We're very happy although sometimes it's pretty unpredictable who'll turn up in certain villages," admits Isabelle.

"But we manage - cutting hair for men, women and of course children."

At €9,50 for men and €13,50 for women their prices are a snip (sorry - inevitable) and customers, judging from the TF1 report, seem to be happy.

And there's no need to make an appointment.

Now that's an enterprising spirit!

The "Hair bus" screenshot from TF1 news)

Cheap airlines tickets - don't be fooled by them

OK so the accompanying video doesn't have a great deal to do with France perhaps - apart from the fact that over the years an increasing number of foreign-based budget airlines have opened up the market by flying into (mainly) provincial destinations.

Ryanair and EasyJet lead the pack of course but there's also FlyBe, Vueling, German Wings, Air Berlin and many, many more. It all depends on where you want to go really.

But one thing many of them share in common are those so-called "hidden costs".

The initial price of the ticket looks like great value.

Only once you start including airport tax, excess baggage charges, the cost of getting to and from an airport which is often miles away from where you actually want to be (The Paris airport which Ryanair uses to "serve" the French capital is actually a good 70 kilometres away) the real "price" you end up paying is far from the original "bargain".

Fascinating Aïda (screenshot from YouTube video)

And that's very much the message behind this hilarious song from the British comedy singing group and satirical cabaret act, Fascinating Aïda.

"Cheap flights" might be a few years old now and contain some rather ribald lyrics for those of you who are faint-hearted (this version comes with subtitles to help you cope with the accent) but it's hysterically funny and - well let's just say - spot on.

Enjoy.

Johnny Depp and Vanessa Paradis - to split or shoddy "reporting"

So after 14 years together and two children, French actress-singer Vanessa Paradis and US actor Johnny Depp are on the brink of splitting up.

Johnny Depp and Vanessa Paradis (screenshot from Gothica940 YouTube video montage)

They're "living sad and separate lives" according to most "reports" and have been doing so for the past year.

Paradis hasn't been attending premiers of Depp's films (even when they're in the same city at the same time).

And goodness, the couple didn't attend last week's Golden Globes award together; Depp was there but apparently Paradis stayed at home with the kids.

The British and American media is "reporting" that it's as good as over and the French is following suit - but with a little more reserve.

It might be waiting for official confirmation but that doesn't stop it from "reporting" the rumours.

Why all those inverted commas?

Well you have to admit it, the term "reporting" has to be used loosely as there's very little demonstration of actual news gathering. You know, find a story, interview some people (preferably those directly involved) and then write or broadcast the material using attributions.

Nope instead "the highly respected publication" People Magazine - as that much revered bastion of quality journalism Britain's Daily Mail calls it - is used as the main source with "some insiders" or "informants" and of course unnamed "sources" providing insight into the couple's relationship and drawing conclusions which might - or might not - be true.

Accuracy, as it does so often, has flown out of the proverbial window to be substituted by rumour and speculation.

Paradis and Depp might well be on the verge of making some sort of announcement about splitting. They wouldn't be the first and they won't be the last.

They could also have been merely "co-habiting" for the past year, as has been suggested by plenty of celebrity journalists - or should that be "informed People watchers".

But come on, give us a break.

The story might sell and make great gossip, but how about doing some proper journalism before telling us all what is "apparently" or "supposedly" happening or about to happen.

BFM TV rewrites Titanic history

The running aground of the Costa Concordia cruise ship after it crashed into rocks off the west coast of Italy last Friday was, of course, a major news story.

Those incredible images of the stricken ship quickly made their way around the world.

And as always, when these things happens, round-the clock news channels were busy reporting "in real time" while looking for new angles to develop the story (and fill air time).

BFM TV - true to its stated desire to bring a "dynamic" US or UK-style presentation to French news reporting - was as usual fast off the mark, pointing out that April would mark the centenary anniversary of the sinking of the Titanic in 1912.

"How come a ship equipped with modern technology to ensure safety could experience a similar fate to that of the Titanic?" the channel asked.

Cue report with expert to "compare and contrast".

Except in its haste to slap something up on the screen, BFM managed to make the simplest of blunders which, in these days of the Net, remains there for everyone to see.

(screenshot from BFM TV report)

As the footage rolled of the Titanic leaving harbour to begin it maiden voyage back in 1912, BFM happily and helpfully informed those watching that just a few days after setting sail, it hit an iceberg.

All when and good, only some gormless newsroom twerp clearly hadn't done their research properly before putting together the report and instead decided to change the ship's UK point of departure.

Perhaps one Hampton was very much like another in the mind of someone who knew no better, but a simple search would have ensured that the channel didn't quite look so idiotic as it informed viewers that... well see for yourself.



For the non Brits among you or those who aren't that hot on UK geography, grab a map of Britain to find just how much of a coastline Northampton has.

Hint - none.

It's a major market town in the landlocked shire which carries its name.

Duh.

Northampton Ordnance Survey OpenData

"Dynamic" was one of the adjectives used in the launch of BFM TV back in 2005.

Perhaps it should also remember another that featured in the PR campaign - "Intelligible".