Popping pills and knowing when you're truly "in" France

Whenever you're watching a report on telly - wherever you might be in the world - and up pops a photo of the Eiffel Tower, you know the film, report or whatever, is about either Paris or France.

Simple isn't it? It's an instantly recognisable symbol not of only the capital but the whole country - at least to those from the outside.

But there is of course another typical emblem of France - much more representative of everyday life and instantly identifiable to anyone who lives here - la pharmacie or chemist.

They appear to be everywhere - especially in larger towns and cities. Over 22,000 of them spread throughout the country.

Stand in front of one in your nearest town and the chances are you'll be able to see another one not so far away, its familiar green cross flashing outside when open for business.

Yes, you know you're in France when you drop in at the doctors thinking you just have a heavy, if lingering, cold, are diagnosed with bacterial bronchitis (ah, it's so much more reassuring to have a label put to something, it almost makes you feel legitimately "sick") and then sent packing to the chemist or la pharmacie.

Now comes the point when you realise you should have been paying attention to what the doctor was telling you while poking, prodding, taking your temperature, asking about generalised or localised aches or pains, and listening to that whistling sound coming from your chest. 

Because instead of just the anticipated antibiotics, there's also, a course of cortizone, paracetamol ("Pill or soluble form sir?"), breathing apparatus to "help inhalation in times of serious loss of breath or wheezing" as well as what looks like a vacuum cleaner complete with even more drugs and instructions on how to use it.

Just back from la pharmacie

At least that's what appeared on the counter; a fair mountain of drugs it seemed, fit to still the beating heart of even the most fervent hypochondriac (and what's the betting that France has more than its fair share based on such evidence) as the pharmacist runs through the prescription.

Luckily she (in this particular case) doesn't just leave you standing there wondering, "What the heck".

She's a trained professional after all and, besides, can see (and hear) you're (a) pretty zonked out (foreigner).

So before allowing you out of the door, she goes through the whole prescription and treatment not once, but several times ensuring you know what to take, when and how.

And explains the purpose of the "vacuum cleaner" breathing machine (on hire for a week), how it works, where to place the liquid and "How to breathe correctly, sir".

Yes the "patient" - who is now recovering rapidly thanks to the marvels of French drugs (bring 'em on) really should have been listening more carefully as he sat in front of the doctor first time around.

But he thanks his lucky stars there was another trained professional on hand to "walk" and "talk" him through it.

Time for a not entirely appropriate blast from the past.

Any excuse.

Zlatan Ibrahimović - PSG's "homeless" millionaire striker

As you go about your business this week, spare a thought for Zlatan Ibrahimović.

For those of you not so familiar with French football, he's the striker for whom the owners of Paris Saint-Germain (PSG), the Qatar Investment Authority, splashed out a hefty €23 million in transfer fees to AC Milan back in July and whose take home pay is said to be as much as €14 million annually (although it has recently been revised downwards to a mere nine million euros)

Zlatan Ibrahimović (screenshot)

After a slow start, the investment is beginning to pay off - well at least in terms of his performance on the pitch.

The 30-year-old has scored seven goals so far in the team's first six games in Ligue 1 and his presence at the club has undoubtedly captured the imagination of many a fan and sent politicians and the media into a predictable frenzy.

But while he's initially living up to his starring role in the multi-million euro set-up, away from the pitch, not everything appears to be as it should.

Why?

Well it's simple really. With so much lovely take home pay, Ibrahimović hasn't actually got a home to which he can take it.

That's right - he's currently homeless - or in French "Sans domicile fixe".

Along with his other half, actress-model Helena Seger and their two young children, the Swedish international is apparently having problems finding a suitable pad in the French capital and instead is having to "slum" it at a place which is described in its own blurb as "representing the ultimate in French luxury and refinement".

Hardly what could be described as a half-way house, the prestigious Hôtel Le Bristol with the "cheapest" (inverted commas definitely needed) room costing €850 a night (download the PDF file of room rates for a real shock) and a continental breakfast setting back those with more money than sense €35, is the temporary abode for the family of four with PSG footing (ouch - sorry) the bill.

Of course for some extra much-needed publicity, Ibrahimović could call on the services of French telly's best-known estate agent Stéphane Plaza whose programme on M6 "Recherche appartement ou maison" regularly helps families find the "property of their dreams"

But for the moment "Ibracadabra" as he's often nicknamed, doesn't seem in too much of a hurry.

"Paris is a fantastic city with plenty of history," he said wisely at a recent press conference.

"And if things continue as they've started with my living in the hotel, I'll perhaps end up by buying it," he continued none too seriously when the subject of house hunting was broached.

"Or I'll live in the Eiffel Tower and arrive at training sessions by parachute."

Aha, the man seems to have just right sort of preposterous solution to his housing needs.

We wish him luck.

Friday's French music break - Daniel Lévi, "Là bas"

Friday's French music break this week is surely a lesson to any aspiring singer to learn the lyrics and, if performing a popular modern standard, try at least to stick to something resembling the original tune.

Daniel Lévi (screenshot from video of July 14 SOS Racisme concert)

Sadly that's something French singer-song writer Daniel Lévi must wish he had done at the July 14 concert for equality organised by the French anti-racist non-governmental organisation SOS Racisme at the foot of the Eiffel Tower in Paris.

The soon-to-be 50-year-old (he was born on August 26, 1961) was just one of a host of French singers to perform live in front of tens of thousands crammed on to the Champs de Mars, and the many millions watching the event live on France 2 television.

A chance for Lévi to shine and show-off that exceptional and powerful voice which won him so much acclaim when he performed as Moses in Pascal Obispo's 2000 musical "Les dix commandements" (The ten commandments).

But it wasn't to be, as Lévi took to the stage with Indonesian-born French singer-songwriter Anggun and Judith, a former contestant on the TV talent show Star Academy.

The trio were to interpret Jean-Jacques Goldman's "Là bas" in a manner which can only be described as awful.

Now even if you don't like Goldman - and there are plenty who don't - there's no denying the immense talent of the man and the impact he has had over the years on French music.

Many of his songs have become modern French standards and perhaps one that stands out is "Là bas", the 1987 hit he sang with the late Sri Lankan-born British singer Sirima.

It has been covered by many artists throughout the years but none can have been quite as embarrassing and appalling as Lévi's in what turned out to be surely the worst rendition - ever.

During the performance the teleprompter reportedly broke and that - to put it mildly - rather threw Lévi.

The true professional that he clearly wasn't under the circumstances appeared lost without the prompter and, forgetting the lyrics, la-la-la-ed his way through great chunks of the song.

Worse still he was out of tune in both his solos and harmonies and even though he grinned inanely throughout, nobody listening and watching could have been impressed.

Anggun and Judith didn't fare much better and couldn't have been too chuffed about their own performances, but in comparison to Levi, their voices were tunefully angelic.

If you're feeling exceptionally brave and feel those lugholes are up to it, then you might - repeat, might - want to click on the accompanying video to listen and watch.

Be warned though. It really is terrible.

Perhaps you would be better advised to listen to the original which is, quite simply, beautiful.

http://www.dailymotion.com/video/xjx4mk_extrait-la-bas-daniel-levi-judith-et-anggun-page-facebook-welcome-with-paradispop_music


EXTRAIT : Là-Bas - Daniel Lévi , Judith et... par PARADISPOP