“Elegance personified” - Gianluigi Buffon drowns out booing fans at Italy-France friendly

Many might (rightly) maintain that the so-called “beautiful game” ain’t exactly what it used to be.

Big bucks and “state of the art” hairdos (or “hairdon'ts) seem to count as much as on-the-pitch skills for the elite that make it to the top of the game.

And let’s not take a nightmare trip down memory lane to the “Knysna affair” at the 2010 World Cup in South Africa when the French national side threw a collective tantrum and refused to train.

It surely marked an all-time low in (French) football.

But there are exceptions of course. And perhaps it should come as no surprise that the man who recently showed such outstanding behaviour should be an Italian.

After all, it’s a country in which football is revered - even among those who don’t really follow the game.

Look at the recent Euro 2016 (held in France) when every Italian man, woman and child (enough hyperbole?) seemed to follow the fortunes of Gli Azzuri until they were knocked out at the quarterfinal stage.

Anyway, back to that man, Italy’s goalkeeper and captain and (more hyperbole perhaps - but just ask an Italian) legend, 38-year-old Gianluigi Buffon.

Gianluigi Buffon (screenshot from Rahim Abdullaev’s YouTube video)

“An example to what we should be seeing on the pitch”, said Fifa president Gianni Infantino after a friendly played on September 1 in the Italian city of Bari between the hosts and France (a game which Italy were to lose 1-3)

But what exactly had Buffon done to earn such plaudits - not only from Infantino but much of a soccer mad world.

Quite simply he had single-handedly led the response to counter booing that occurred from a small section of the crowd at the Stadio San Nicola while the French national anthem was being played before the match began.

Buffon reacted immediately, applauding La Marseillaise throughout, followed by his teammates and, it has to be said - a vast majority of those in the stadium.

Such class Monsieu Buffon!

Online banking made easy - French style

Notice anything...er...ever-so-slightly out of place in the title?

Hint...the idea of a service being both "uncomplicated" and "French" at the same time - two attributes which, sadly, so often reveal themselves to be contradictory.

Of course, that's a gross generalisation.

Or it would be if it weren't for the fact that service in France - no matter in which particular domain - is not quite up to the standards of what might be expected.

The corporate cliché about the direction of a business being determined by the demands of its clientele (summed up in the maxim that the "customer is king") invariably becomes confused if not downright lost when put to the test in France.

And it's as true for online banking as it is for any other sector.

Of course it shouldn't be. The very concept of conducting financial transactions online is...well, very 21st century.

And therein lies the problem perhaps.

It's not that France doesn't have online banking.

Most of the country's main high street banks offer the service and some have even developed their own purely online affiliates: Banque Populaire has BRED,  CIC - Filbanque, Societé Générale - Boursorama and BNP Paribas - Hello bank

It's just...well, for those with regular accounts, the use of the online facilities can be...difficult.

I needed to make a transfer at the weekend.

International you'll understand, even if it meant Euro to Euro.

France to Italy (so you knew trouble would be a-brewin')

The princely sum of €150

First step was to log on to my BNP account and go through the whole  rigmarole of adding a new contact to my list of recipients.

It didn't matter that the payment would be a one-time affair (or that the amount was paltry).

The "rules" stipulate that every time you make an international transfer to a new beneficiary, the same process has to be followed.

First up, fill in the amount.

Next step - complete the recipient's IBAN (or International Bank Account Number) then the BIC (Bank Identifier Code).

Everything seemed in order - a quick double-check.

Yep.

Painless so far.

The final stage was to receive a text-message confirmation on my mobile 'phone so that the transfer could be made.

Except...the number the bank had on its file was that of my previous 'phone.

I had informed them in June last year that my number had changed. And there in the "emails sent" box was a copy of what I had written.

Time for a snotty email to the person responsible for customer relations (yes, they still have real people to answer queries at BNP - just not outside of regular working hours).

So transfer aborted and over to my account at Crédit Agricole to see whether I would fare any better there.

By now, you can probably guess where this is going.

Crédit Agricole puts customers through pretty much the same palaver to make an international transfer...amount, IBAN, BIC, reason (not obligatory) and that final page telling me that it would take three days - THREE WHOLE DAYS - for the both the new recipient and the transfer to be approved.

Result?

Well, no result.

Over 30 minutes online to use a service which the banks promise is "simple, smart, and secure"  and I had got absolutely nowhere.

Update. Heard back from my personal banker at BNP later in the week to be told that I could have changed my mobile telephone number myself online.

I simply had to log on to the page which contained my personal details (lost on a website that seems to believe user-friendliness equates with presenting the maximum information in the most complicated format imaginable) and change the number.

I would then receive - by post - confirmation that I had changed the number to which text message confirmations should be sent.

So simple.

Welcome to online banking - French style.

Le prang

I've admitted before that I'm not exactly the world's best driver.

Probably fair to middling would be the best description with parking remaining my weakest point.

Well that and negotiating ramps leading to and from underground car parks.

But that is ground well trodden - or not so well driven  - as the case may be.

As far as accidents go? Well, I've been pretty fortunate over the years.

I've only had one major incident. It happened almost two decades ago on a long drive back from Florence in Italy to Frankfurt in Germany.

I was in Switzerland late at night, clearly driving too quickly given the pouring rain conditions, with dogs in the back and my late mother in the passenger seat.

It was nothing too dramatic, just a one vehicle (mine) accident ending up in the middle of the motorway, the car written off and my dear old ma (unhurt) asking, "So can we continue now?"

Apart from that, nothing. Not even a bump or a dent (I don't consider that Paris underground ramp affair to have been an accident, rather a moment or two of close contact involving a borrowed clunker - well it resembled one by the time I had finished - and the walls of a car park).

Give the man a prize.

Until last week, that is.

Because that's when I had the "prang".

Of course it wasn't my fault - these sorts of things never are, are they?

But in the eyes of the law and for insurance purposes, it was.

After a dash around the supermarket and the less-than-15-items till, because these places are not the temples of delight for me that they seem to be for many others, I made my way back to my car.

Leaving the car park, I found myself behind a woman driving at less than five kilometres an hour with a couple of stalled engines thrown in for good measure.

I kept my distance, ready - I thought - for the next unexpectedly sudden stop.

But as we both approached the roundabout, I failed to anticipate that she would decide to come to a complete halt for no reason at all.

Even though there was nothing coming (although she later claimed otherwise) Clarice - for that turned out to be her name - slammed her foot on the brake.

I didn't.

It was the gentlest of bumps but enough to have us both jump out of our repective cars to inspect the damage.

Mine was unscathed - apart from a slightly buckled registration plate, while hers...well it seemed to have "suffered" the smallest of dents beneath the rear bumper, but one which looked suspiciously "older" to me.

I said as much, along with a few well chosen but polite (honestly) words on the level of her driving skills.

Clarice though, remained convinced that the blame lay fairly and squarely with me. She had stopped because of oncoming traffic and I was clearly in the wrong because I had driven into her.

"Isn't that right Gladys?" she said to her friend who had been sitting in the passenger seat.

Gladys didn't look entirely convinced, but nodded in circumspect agreement.

And then the official fun began.

Neither of us had a copy of the wonderfully named (in French) constat amiable d'accident automobile (accident report) in the car (I had recently had the annual clear-out and must have chucked it) required for insurance purposes if the accident is minor and the two parties involved decide to come to an amicable agreement.

Clarice didn't have one either because...well the reason will become clearer in a moment.

So what to do?

Well first of all, I took a couple of photos of the position of both cars when the two joined in unholy "bumplock".

Friendly enough after the initial "shock", Clarice didn't think much of my idea of driving together to the nearest insurance agent to request a form to fill out together.

Instead she wanted to call her husband for advice on what to do.

He, however, was unavailable.

So in true "Qui veut gagner des millions" ("Who wants to be a millionaire") style, Clarice opted to ring a close friend who convinced her that we should all make our way to the police municipale where we could sort it out.

The "amicable agreement" looked set to turn in to a major (road) incident: the main protagonists - that slightly bent registration plate and the dubious dent.

So off to the police municipale we headed. I led the way, as something told me that I would be better off in front of Clarice rather than behind her.

As luck would have it, and this being France, the police municipale had, of course, shut up shop for the day, although there was a contact number for emergencies.

I kept quiet, fearing the worst.

But the now emboldened Clarice had a "better" solution - and that without 'phoning a friend.

"The gendarmerie!" she exclaimed.

"We can go there and report the incident. Plus they'll have all the necessary forms available."

Gladys and I exchanged looks as though we sensed that this would prove to be yet another over-the-top reaction, but Clarice was not a woman to be stopped. She was in full quest mode...justice.

Besides, I wasn't in the mood for an argument and so, off we set.

A few moments later we all walked in to the gendarmerie compound to be greeted by a young man dragging on the remnants of a cigarette.

Explanations quickly made, he told us that the constat was all we really needed, whereby we could agree what had happened, countersign and then complete details of our own version of events for our respective insurance companies.

As for the constat - he didn't have one. We didn't have one. Did we really want to fill out an official report for something so minor?

"No," I thought, as providence once again stepped in, this time in the form of a call from Clarice's husband.

Her saviour. My saviour. He had a spare constat and would make his way into town so that we could finally reach that agreement which had Clarice had been so unwilling to accept in the first place.

We all bid farewell to the gendarme who wished us a pleasant evening and waited.

The 15 minutes Monsieur Husband of Clarice said he would need to arrive eventually turned into half an hour but, once he appeared, I quickly discovered I had an ally.

"Honey - again?" he  said, looking at his wife as he introduced himself to me.

I looked at him.

I looked at Clarice

"Again? I asked

"Yes, this is the third time in as many months," he replied.

I returned my gaze to Clarice, who preferred to look away sheepishly.

As Monsieur Husband of Clarice and I completed the tedious task of detaling what had happened and answering what seemed like a multitude of questions, his wife remained understandably quiet.

She no longer contested my version of events which, I knew, would not exonerate me in terms of the insurance claim.

And that suspicious dent?

Well that'll be for the insurance company to decide. They have the photos and the completed constat.

Sure, I'll have to drive extra carefully for the next five years apparently if I want to recover my no claims bonus.

On past form, that shouldn't be too much of a problem...unless I happen to "bump" into the likes of Clarice on the road.

But at least now, even though it's not a legal obligation in France, I've got a copy of the constat in the car...just in case.

The cost of "Immortalising" Carla Bruni-Sarkozy - 90,000 euros

Have no fears, France's former first lady is not about to be elevated the Académie française - perish the thought.

Although perhaps it shouldn't be dismissed so easily.

After all some bright spark might well decide that France's former first lady has indeed been a true pioneer in the field of music and cinema and deserves appropriate recognition for her artistic contribution in much the same way as her husband has been a bringer of peace to the world with his name being submitted as a potential future candidate for the Nobel prize.

But that of course is another story.

No the "glorification" of Carla is in the form of a bronze statue to be unveiled in the eastern Parisian suburb of Nogent-sur-Marne.

The idea was the.....er... "brainchild" of Jacques Martin, the mayor of the town - not the late television entertainer who was married to Sarkozy's second wife Cécila.

Sculptor Elisabeth Cibont (screenshot from Le Parisien video)

Martin wanted to pay tribute to the contribution the town's Italian community hade made and in particular immigrant Italian women who had worked in its factories over the decades, and he commissioned sculptor Elisabeth Cibont to produce a bronze.

All well and good only Martin, who also just happened to be a member for the same centre-right Union pour un mouvement populaire (Union for a Popular Movement, UMP)  as Bruni-Sarkozy's other half (who was president at the time, as if you needed reminding), wanted to fund the project from the public purse.

That didn't go down well with opposition parties on the local council who intepreted the whole idea as simple sycophancy on the part of Martin, a personal whim and a waste of money.

And when they discovered whose face would be portraying the "average Italian immigrant woman of the early 20th century" the "polemic" began.

Yep, you've guessed it; the former model-cum-singer-and-wannabee-actress-and-now-former-first-lady Carla Bruni-Sarkozy.

Martin was forced to split the cost of creating the magnificent two-metre bronze between public and private funding before Cibont was able to get on with her job.

As Cibont is keen to stress though, the whole "polemic" (there's that word again) surrounding "using" Bruni-Sarkozy as a model was completely inappropriate as far as she - an artist - was concerned.

"It's not a statue Carla, but of an Italian woman from the early part of the 20th century," she said.

"It a homage to those women," she continued.

"The only thing of course is that the the statue's face has been inspired directly by that of Carla Bruni-Sarkozy who, after all was born in Italy and as a consequence it gives a contemporary or up-to-date feeling to the bronze."

Oh right, yada, yada, yada. Bruni-Sarkozy is so typically representative of today's Italian woman just as much as she is of one from the early decades of the 20th century.

Don't you think?

You'll have to wait a while if you're desperate to see what €90,000 will buy you when it comes to a bronzed Carla.

The statue isn't due to be officially unveiled until September.

Statue de Carla Bruni : ce qu'en pensent les habitants de Nogent-sur-Marne Vidéo LCIWAT sélectionnée dans Actualité

Incomplete sporting faction: what next for Qatar Investment Authority - takeover of the French football federation?

Word has it on the sporting grapevine that the so-called Beautiful Game in France is about to receive a much-needed financial boost and an overhaul to the rules.

The Qatar Investment Authority (QIA) is believed to have put forward a proposal for a multi-million buyout of the entire board of the Fédération française de football (French football federation, FFF) - the sport's governing body in this country.

It's a move which some commentators say would not only be good for the business of the sport in France, it would also raise the profile of Ligue 1 to match that of some of the other top championships around Europe.

Among the propositions believed to be on the table are the injection of cash to Ligue 1 clubs in proportion to their current expenditure on the transfer market and exclusive QIA-sponsorship of referees and linesman.

QIA is of course the majority shareholder in Paris Saint-German, a club in which it bought a controlling interest last year.

Since then it has hired big names such as former Brazil international Leonardo as director of football and Italian Carlo Ancelotti as manager.

It has also invested heavily in recruiting players,  spending millions in the process - all in the name of sport of course and to build a side capable of winning domestic and, more importantly, European trophies.

The strategy didn't quite pay off last season though as PSG only managed to finish runners-up to the much more modest spending champions Montpellier.

Thiago Silva and Zlatan Ibrahimović (screenshot YouTube video)

But that hasn't stopped QIA from dipping even further into its coffers ahead of the new season which kicks off on August 10, stumping up a miserly €46 million to sign Brazil's international defender Thiago Silva from Italy's AC Milan.

Spare a thought for the 27-year-old when you next check your bank balance, because he'll have to struggle with annual after-tax earnings of just €9 million to €12.5 million (depending on which reports you read) for the next five years - should he last that long at the club.

PSG is also reportedly in talks with another AC Milan player, the Swedish international striker,  Zlatan Ibrahimović.

"Everyone is beginning to understand that PSG is becoming a major player in the game," manager Carlo Ancelotti commented on news of Silva's signing after his team had drawn 2-2 with CSKA Moscow in in a pre-season tournament in Austria at the weekend.

"That's the message," he said.

Clearly Ancelotti, PSG and most importantly QIA ain't kidding.

Jean-Pierre Pernaut, France's favourite continuity announcer - sorry, news anchor - and Euro 2012

Whatever you might think of the French football team's behaviour during and just after Euro 2012, one thing's for sure.

Each and every player was under close(r) media scrutiny especially after those infamous events in the disastrous World Cup campaign in South Africa back in 2010.

Their gestures, comments and reaction were interpreted and analysed to the  nth degree and unfortunately the performance on the pitch didn't really live up to most commentators' expectations.

Or perhaps it did.

There was the usual (so far) fruitless polemic (the French just love that word) which seems to have been as short-lived as the team's campaign, but will doubtless rear its in the not-too-distant future as the former manager, Laurent Blanc is made a scapegoat for all the teams woes and unbridled hope is invested in his successor.

Overpaid, spoilt brats, ill-educated, lack of team spirit: all descriptions used and lapped up by the media to report the story of Les Bleus.

Heck the team and Samir Nasri's exploits in particular, even made the front cover of one paper not usually given to following the feats of national sporting teams.

The far-right weekly Minute running with a photograph of Nasri and the headline, "They've once again tainted the blue jersey."

Samir Nasri makes front cover of Minute

Set aside for a moment your personal views on their behaviour as reported in much of the press. You would hope and think that the main television and radio bulletins would manage to report the facts, accurately and  without necessarily commenting on them.

Leave that to the experts and the specialists hey? Those from whom you would expect and welcome in-depth analysis.

Aha. But that's not taking into account the talents of one of the country's leading news readers to share with viewers what he surely considers the benefit of his opinion.

Who else but Jean-Pierre Pernaut.

Jean-Pierre Pernaut (screenshot TF1 news)

He presents the weekday lunchtime news on TF1 and is described in his Wikipedia entry (so it MUST be right) as a "news reader and broadcaster" (no mention of journalist) who "combines an avuncular (great word that) personality and authoritative delivery (really?)" that has made him one of France's most popular news readers."

There's little doubt that his "show" - because that's what the lunchtime new tends to be focussing as it does on fluffier, regional pieces rather than hard news -  attracts viewers and has an appeal.

That might say more about what the French enjoy as they digest their meals and it's definitely an approach which Pernaut has nurtured and encouraged during his 20 years + tenure and in his role as editor-in-chief.

Objective, balanced and unbiased journalism though are characteristics which often fail as he sees fit to comment - albeit briefly - on the events, clips and reports he's introducing.

Yep, Pernaut, who let's face it is nothing more than a very high profile continuity announcer (or in French terms an up-to-date version of that emblematic figure of television in its early days here - the Speakerine" only in the male form so without the "e"), has a penchant for sharing what he thinks about a story.

And that's exactly what he did once again this past week when reporting the result of the previous night's quarterfinal between Italy and England, with the Italians qualifying for the semis.

Pernaut managed, in his own inimitable style to pass his wonderfully arrogant judgement as an "informed" sports reporter on the French team's behaviour.

He didn't turn round and say straight out what he thought.

That would have been unprofessional. Tut, tut.

Oh no, Pernaut - his own-editor-in-chief remember so ultimately answerable to...himself, was far more snarky than that.

 "It was a great game between two teams proud to carry the colours of their nation," he said  about the Italy- England game.

"That makes a change," he added.

And he followed that up later in the report when referring to the Italian players' decision not to lay claim to the match bonuses with, "Fortunately there are countries where players have  education and good manners!"

So there you have it.

Jean-Pierre Pernaut, 62 years old (with hair apparently looking as though it's  couple of decades younger) and at the helm of the lunchtime news since 1988, once again proving there's nothing like objectivity in journalism and still a place for an opinionated Speakerin on French telly.

Is Germany's Angela Merkel leading a "boycott François Hollande" pact?

How could anyone think such a thing?

Of course there's absolutely no substance to the report in the German weekly news magazine Der Spiegel that some European leaders have agreed collectively "not to meet the French Socialist party's presidential candidate, François Hollande, when he comes to their respective countries."

François Hollande (screenshot BFM TV news report)

The agreement, according to the magazine, is between Germany's chancellor Angela Merkel and the prime minister of Italy and Spain, Mario Monti and Mariano Rajoy.

They've apparently promised to snub Hollande because of "his plans to renegotiate the treaty on tighter budget discipline for the euro zone."

And just for good measure, the United Kingdom's prime minister, David Cameron is also party to the alleged "pact", even though he didn't sign up to the treaty.

But it can't possibly be true because Berlin has denied the suggestion of the existence of an anti-Hollande pact as the German news channel n-tv reports.

A government spokeswoman told the channel that, "It's up to each individual government leader to decide whether to meet Hollande. So far in Germany, there has been no date fixed."

Aha. That's all right then.

Everyone can forget about that appearance Merkel made with the French president Nicolas Sarkozy on French television's prime time news as a sign of solidarity for the work the two had put in to saving Europe.

After all, Sarkozy wasn't officially a candidate at the time - that came a matter of days later - and Merkel seemed happy to throw her weight behind a man who is, after all, more-or-less in the same broad political family.

Nothing untoward or inappropriate there then.

And David Cameron not meeting Hollande when the Socialist party candidate was in London recently to woo the many French voters who live on the other side of the Channel and put the minds of the City at rest - well, once again that was completely understandable.

In theory at least, Cameron is on the same political wavelength as Sarkozy, so it's obvious he would support the current French president in his bid for re-election and to paraphrase, it's "just not cricket" (or goes against protocol) to meet candidates during an election period (although it's quite all right to offer support as he did to Sarkozy in an interview with Le Figaro a couple of weeks ago).

So it's not snubbing Hollande by any means. Merkel and Cameron et al are quite at liberty to decide who they support and meet; there's absolutely no obligation to even to appear diplomatic and objective.

But wait.

Is that a murmur of disagreement and a word or two of caution from someone highly placed within Merkel's own government?

Surely not.

Yes it is.

And it comes from none other than the German foreign minister and the former leader of the Freie Demokratische Partei (the Free Democratic Party, FDP) currently Merkel's coalition partner in government, Guido Westerwelle.

In an interview with the Sunday edition of the German national daily Die Welt, Westerwelle, while not directly addressing the reports of an implied pact, had a few words of advice for his own country's politicans.

"I would advise all German parties to exercise restraint," he said.

"The party-political debate in Germany is not one that should be transferred to France and the government is not part of the French election campaign," he said.

"We've worked very well with the current French government but we also should also make it clear that we would work closely with any government French voters choose."



Hollande boycotté par les principaux dirigeants... par BFMTV

BFM TV rewrites Titanic history

The running aground of the Costa Concordia cruise ship after it crashed into rocks off the west coast of Italy last Friday was, of course, a major news story.

Those incredible images of the stricken ship quickly made their way around the world.

And as always, when these things happens, round-the clock news channels were busy reporting "in real time" while looking for new angles to develop the story (and fill air time).

BFM TV - true to its stated desire to bring a "dynamic" US or UK-style presentation to French news reporting - was as usual fast off the mark, pointing out that April would mark the centenary anniversary of the sinking of the Titanic in 1912.

"How come a ship equipped with modern technology to ensure safety could experience a similar fate to that of the Titanic?" the channel asked.

Cue report with expert to "compare and contrast".

Except in its haste to slap something up on the screen, BFM managed to make the simplest of blunders which, in these days of the Net, remains there for everyone to see.

(screenshot from BFM TV report)

As the footage rolled of the Titanic leaving harbour to begin it maiden voyage back in 1912, BFM happily and helpfully informed those watching that just a few days after setting sail, it hit an iceberg.

All when and good, only some gormless newsroom twerp clearly hadn't done their research properly before putting together the report and instead decided to change the ship's UK point of departure.

Perhaps one Hampton was very much like another in the mind of someone who knew no better, but a simple search would have ensured that the channel didn't quite look so idiotic as it informed viewers that... well see for yourself.



For the non Brits among you or those who aren't that hot on UK geography, grab a map of Britain to find just how much of a coastline Northampton has.

Hint - none.

It's a major market town in the landlocked shire which carries its name.

Duh.

Northampton Ordnance Survey OpenData

"Dynamic" was one of the adjectives used in the launch of BFM TV back in 2005.

Perhaps it should also remember another that featured in the PR campaign - "Intelligible".

German skit of Merkozy "Rescue summit or Euros for No One"

Now it definitely helps if you speak German for a video that has become something of a hit on YouTube ever since it was first posted on December 28.

Merkozy (screenshot from YouTube clip)

It's a parody of a comedy skit broadcast twice every New Year's Eve on German television.

The original is "Dinner for One", a 1963 sketch featuring British comedian Freddie Frinton as James the butler and May Warren as Miss Sophie, who has sadly outlived all her friends but insists on celebrating her 90th birthday party in style...with places set for each of her guests.

Frinton serves each absent guest a drink with every course and raises a toast to the birthday girl on behalf of those invited.

The result is predictable. Frinton becomes ever tipsier until the final scene in which he is about to escort Warren upstairs with the "hilarious" lines,

"Same procedure as last year Miss Sophie?" asks Frinton.

"The same procedure as every year James," replies Warren.

"Well, I'll do my very best," responds Frinton with a saucy wink and a "Good night."

Perhaps it's a German thing, but it has most definitely become an annual institution.

Some bright spark at ARD, one of Germany's two national public broadcasters, though decided to update the whole thing and make it more...well relevant to a modern-day audience.

Satirist Udo Eling of the channel's Morgenmagazin decided to superimpose the heads of French president Nicolas Sarkozy on James the Butler and...well you've probably guessed the other "character" - Germany's chancellor, Angela Merkel as Miss Sophie.

The dialogue is different of course focussing on the relationship of the two who're often collectively called "Merkozy" in the media.

And "absent friends" include the former prime ministers Greece and Spain, Giorgios Papandreou and José Luis Rodríguez Zapatero as well as UK prime minister David Cameron. Italy's Silvio Berlusconi wasn't invited.

The last line of the parody which has Sarkozy fawning to Merkel, described earlier in the sketch as the "only real statesman Europe has to offer" has the French president asking as they mount the staircase, "Madame Merkel, this time without Eurobonds?"

"Yes of course," she replies.

"As always without Eurobonds."

To which Sarkozy responds, "I'll give you my Triple A Madame Merkel."

Well, maybe it sounds funnier in German.

Enjoy?



And the original "Dinner for One" just in case you're up for it.

In memory of Silvio Berlusconi

Europe...according to bigots

Now this should make you smile.

The maps reproduced here are a timely reminder, given the state of the Eurozone and the protracted attempts to deal with the debt crisis, of just how much we all generalise about the characteristics of other countries.

Europe according to France (creative commons: alphadesigner)

They're the work of Bulgarian-born graphic designer Yanko Tsvetkov who uses the pseudonym alphadesigner because, as he says, "that usually makes people think what I do is really important. That's why I chose it."

Europe according to France, Germany, Britain, the United States and others are part of the appropriately entitled project which has produced Mapping Sterotypes, the ultimate bigot's calendar of Europe.

Of course they're purely satirical and rely on clichés and stereotypes.

But isn't there also a revealing element of truth in showing us how ignorant and intolerant we often are of one another?

It helps if you know your European geography a bit...er...on the other hand, perhaps it doesn't matter a jot.

The 2012 calendar is available online now, although sadly it doesn't include Berlusconi's "vision" but there again you could alway order that as a tee-shirt, mug or poster.


Take a look at alphadesigner's site. Who knows, you might even find the ideal (dare it be said) Christmas present for your (least) favourite bigot.

Europe according to Britain

Europe according to Britain (creative commons: alphadesigner)

Europe according to the USA

Europe according to the United States (creative commons: alphadesigner)

Europe according to Spain

Europe according to Spain (creative commons: alphadesigner)

Europe according to Germany

Europe according to Germany (creative commons: alphadesigner)

Europe according to Greece

Europe according to Greece (creative commons: alphadesigner)

And finally, Europe according to Berlusconi

Europe according to Berlusconi (creative commons: alphadesigner)

Friday's French music break - Bob Sinclar featuring Raffaella Carrà, "Far l'amore"

Friday's French music break this week breathes new life into a real blast from the past.

It's French DJ Bob Sinclar's remake of Raffaella Carrà's humongous hit throughout Europe in 1977 "A far l'amore comincia tu".

Screenshot from Bob Sinclar's video "Far l'amore"

Doesn't mean anything to you?

Then try the French version "Puisque tu l'aimes dis-le lui" or perhaps the German "Liebelei".

There's also the Spanish "En El Amor Todo Es Empezar".

Still doesn't ring any bells?

Raffaella Carrà back in 1977 (screenshot from YouTube video "Do it, do it again")

Well if you're of a certain age, you'll definitely remember it in English - Carrà's one and only hit in the United Kingdom, "Do it, do it again".

Yes it's the same song, sung in four different languages. Little wonder it sold so well way back then.

Anyway back to Sinclar's revamped club version for 2011 and it's...er...high camp at its most ostentatious, at least as far as the video is concerned.

Wonderful!

Screenshot from Bob Sinclar's video "Far l'amore"

The 42-year-old (whose real name is Christophe Le Friant) along with David Guetta, Martin Solveig and Laurent Wolf is one of a handful of French DJs to have made a name for themselves internationally.

His biggest hit to date was his 2005 release "Love generation" which topped the charts throughout most of Europe in 2006 and was the best-selling single of that year in Germany, thanks largely to it being used throughout the Fifa World Cup which the country hosted.

Sinclar might be all about bringing that French house beat to clubs, but he's a "nostalgic at heart"...well at least if his official biography is to be believed....who "has never ceased to be that curious adolescent transported by music, building his universe from rhythms that take him to another place."

Let's see, adolescent...42 years old...born in 1969, so he was eight when Carrà was strutting her stuff around Europe in the tightest of 70s fashion, tra-la-la-ing her way through "Do it, do it again" and messing up her blond bob as she dipped forward while performing the "boom boom" (check out the video) refrain.

Whatever, the song is fun, It's great to hear that Carrà - who has had a successful singing, acting and TV presenting career both at home in Italy and abroad - is more than just the one-hit wonder many British (who have memories going back that far) might have mistakenly credited her with.

And at 68, why shouldn't she still be getting today's generation on to the dancefloor?

The far right pottiness of Marine Le Pen - it's all in the name

Heaven's above. The leader of France's far right Front National, Marine La Pen, really knows how to milk the media.

Marine Le Pen (Wikipedia, author Marie-Lan Nguyen)

Her latest declaration is that children born in France or those born outside of the country but who have obtained French nationality should carry a "proper" French name.

It has worked in the past and it would help those of foreign origin to integrate better according to Le Pen.

She was talking to future journalists from one of the country's top journalism schools the Centre de formation des journalistes (CFJ) in Paris on YouTube's Election 2012 channel.

It's an initiative launched jointly by the CFJ, Agence France Presse and Twitter to allow candidates in next year's French presidential election to give their vision of the world and answer questions on a range of subjects.

Ah yes, La Pen and the rest of her dangerously loony friends on the far right of French politics have well and truly been given credibility by all elements of the mass media and the French are going to have to learn to live with it during campaigning for next year's elections.

Anyway, La Pen's vision of the world à la française quite unsurprisingly includes all children in this country having proper French names and none of those nonsense foreign ones.



Admittedly the question, supplied from Hélène from Paris (thank you Hélène) and which elicited Le Pen's typical "France for the French" response, was a bit of a leading one.

But there again Le Pen doesn't really need much encouragement (if any) to take the bait.

"Are you in favour of parents choosing 'French' names for their children born in France from among those appearing on the calendar (the so-called nameday custom in which every day of the year is associated with a given name)." she was asked.

"Yes, I'm in favour," she replied.

"It was one of the elements that worked extremely well throughout the history of France and allowed foreign communities to assimilate very quickly. It was the case for the Italians, the Portuguese, the Spanish and the Polish," she said.



"It's a very effective way of assimilating which isn't the case today whereby children are given foreign-sounding names under the pretext of trying to maintain a link with the country or culture of origin," she continued.

"It think it makes life more complicated for them and it doesn't help them fit in."

Oh well, that's that said. So it must be true.

Expect more of the same and worse over the next 10 months.

The new World Pizza Champion is French - and a woman - Dorothée Leombruni

Think pizza, think Italy - right?

Well think again.

Pizza Margherita (from Wikipedia, author ElfQrin (Valerio Capello)

Yes it might be a traditional Italian dish, but the new World Pizza Champion is....French.

As the regional daily La Provence proudly reports Dorothée Leombruni from the southern French town of Salon-de-Provence "blew the judges away" at the recent championships held in Rome, Italy.

What makes Leombruni's exploits even more extraordinary, says the paper - apart from the fact that the 31-year-old is a woman in what is predominantly man's world - is that she's only been in the pizza business for a couple of years.

In November 2009 she decided a change in direction was needed so she gave up the security of her nine-to-five job, took a course in Italy in how to make pizzas and then returned to Salon-de-Provence to set up shop and "perfect her technique."

Success came pretty quickly as her pizzaria "Stellina Pizza" quickly became a hit with the locals and in 2010 Leombruni was crowned France's pizza champion when she served up "Abruzzo", a pizza whose ingredients were cream of porcini mushrooms, fresh tomatoes and truffle cream.

For the judges in Rome she pulled out all the stops with the appropriately-named "Stella di Mare" consisting of - wait for it - langoustines, black truffles, courgette, cherry tomoto confit and crab bisque.

But if you're hoping to ring Salon-de-Provence in the hope of ordering one, you'll be disappointed as Leombruni explained to the national daily Aujourd'hui en France - Le Parisien.

"Everyone's asking me for it," she told the newspaper.

"But unfortunately it's just too complicated."

Still with over 22 currently on her menu including the Classics such as "Magherita", the Mythical in the form of "Bollywood" (chicken, curry sauce and mozzarella) or Gastronomic for example "Salannaise" (tapanade, tomotoes, mozzarella, mushrooms, aubergines and artichoke hearts) there's pretty much something for every palate.

And prices run from €8.50 to €16 - not bad for something served up by a world champion.

Friday's French music break, Ben l'Oncle Soul's "Soul man"

Friday's French music break this week is a treat and a half for Soul lovers.

It comes from Benjamin Duterde, better known by his stage name of Ben l'Oncle Soul.

Ben l'Oncle Soul (screenshot from "Soul man" video)

Yes, France has a singer who can groove with very best that US R&B has to offer and as his name suggests has plenty of soul.

If you're familiar with this site you might well have heard of Ben l'Oncle Soul before as he was nominated for Les Victoires de la Musique, or the French equivalent of the Grammys, in four categories back in February.

They included Best Newcomer, which for some reason he didn't win, and Révélation Scène, which he did, and anyone who has been lucky enough to catch the 27-year-old will understand exactly why.

With his mighty voice, great stage presence and undeniable rhythm, Ben l'Oncle Soul has a sound influenced by the "old school of artists such as Otis Redding, Al Green and Aretha Franklin."

Little wonder then that he has signed to Motown France.

Ben l'Oncle Soul (screenshot from "Soul man" video)

He'll be performing at a number of festivals not just in France but also in Belgium, Hungary, Italy, Switzerland, United Kingdom and United States over the summer.

And from November he'll be on tour in France, appearing in a number of Zénith venues including two dates in Paris.

If you haven't bought a ticket yet - hurry. He's well worth it.

You can find the full schedule on his Myspace site here.

In the meantime, here's his monster hit from last year, the appropriately entitled "Soul Man".

And here's a challenge while you're watching and listening - try sitting still!

France's European minister Laurent Wauquiez's "17-member" Schengen howler

Once again it appears as though a French minister hasn't quite got a grasp of the essentials of the job.

This time around it's the minister for European affairs, Laurent Wauquiez - who clearly needs to brush up his knowledge on the portfolio for which he is responsible...Europe.

Laurent Wauquiez (screenshot from BFM TV interview)

When asked during a television interview how many countries belonged to Schengen, the 36-year-old managed to make a complete mess of his answer - and look a fool in the process.

Schengen is the treaty which "abolishes internal borders, enabling passport-free movement between a large number of European countries" and it has been in the news a lot recently

On Tuesday the French president, Nicolas Sarkozy, and the Italian prime minister, Silvio Berlusconi, jointly requested that it be revised to deal with what they see as an overwhelming number of North Africans (Tunisians) arriving in Europe.

Appearing on BFM TV's early morning show Bourdin Direct on Wednesday, Wauquiez was slipped a question by the journalist Christophe Jakubyszyn which was seemed almost aimed at tripping him up.

And Wauquiez duly obliged.

Laurent Wauquiez and Christophe Jakubyszyn (screenshot from BFM TV interview)

"You're the minister for European affairs," Jakubyszyn said to Wauquiez in that style French journalists seem to love so much, almost assuming their guest have forgotten what daytime job they held.

"How many countries are there in Schengen?"

"17," replied Wauquiez without a moment's hesitation

"22," was Jakubyszyn's immediate response.

"There are four that aren't members of the European Union but are part of Schengen; Iceland, Norway, Switzerland and Liechtenstein."

All right so Wauquiez's mistake is perhaps understandable as it's easy to confuse the 27-strong EU with Schengen.

But not all members of the EU have signed up to Schengen.

And just to complicate matters a little more, as Jakubyszyn pointed out, not all Schengen signatories are EU members.

So perhaps Wauquiez could be forgiven - except that he IS minister for European affairs, and really should know these things.

There again perhaps Jakubyszyn's reply wasn't exactly clear either.

22 refers to the number of EU countries that are part of Schengen, with three other non-EU countries - Iceland, Norway and Switzerland - also fully fledged and Liechtenstein "sort-of-fully-fledged" to the area (this is Europe where NOTHING is ever as clear as it could be).

Take a look at the European Commission Home Affairs site and you'll discover just how many countries officially belong to Schengen.

Then go away and have a very stiff drink.



Wauquiez had the good manners to thank Jakubyszyn for correcting him once the interview had finished.

Carla Bruni-Sarkozy's musical homage to Charles Trenet - in Italian

Perhaps you remember France's first lady, Carla Bruni-Sarkozy, confirming last December that she would be going back into the recording studio this year to prepare her fourth album.

Well she's reportedly doing just that and everyone has been rather tight-lipped about which songs could be included on the album and who, among France's songwriters, might lend a hand or better still a song, for Bruni-Sarkozy to interpret.

Now though word has trickled out that one of the tracks that could figure on the album is a remake of Charles Trenet's 1943 song "Douce France" but sung in Italian to become of course "Dolce Francia".

Screenshot from LCI news report

It's no done deal though that it'll make the final cut.

"The album will feature songs in French and others in Italian but at this stage we don't know whether this particular one will be included," Bruni-Sarkozy's agent told Agence France Presse.

"I've heard an unreleased preliminary version and it's a good interpretation."

The regional daily Midi Libre has an extract on its site for everyone to judge for themselves how well (or not) they think France's first lady has covered the original.

And the timing of the sneak preview couldn't be better as February 19 marks the tenth anniversary of Trenet's death.

Trenet was a French singer-songwriter whose most famous hits date from the 1930s to the mid-1950s but who continued recording until he died in 2001 and, although he might be considered to be from another era, remains something of a national treasure as far as the French are concerned.

He was described shortly before his death by Radio France Internationale as "one of the last of the legendary French chanson stars" and one who would "inevitably go down in history as the man who wrote the unforgettable 'Le Mer'" a song whose lyrics he claimed to have written in a matter of minutes while on a train and one which was has apparently been covered by more than 400 artists in many languages to become "one of the most famous French songs of all time."



As if to underline Trenet's enduring popularity a poll conducted on behalf of the regional daily Midi Libre reveals that even a decade after his death 60 per cent of those questioned say they liked his songs with the most popular one being "Douce France".

A simple search will pull up any number of English translations of the lyrics, but maybe you should just sit back and enjoy the original in French from the man himself - crackles and hisses included.

A "holy game" of football

The club football season might be over in Europe and supporters of the so-called "beautiful game" preparing to follow the World Cup which kicks off in a couple of weeks time, but one important match remained to be played last weekend - the Clericus Cup final

As Agence France Presse (AFP) news agency reports, the match was in a sense the Catholic Church's very own version of the event to be hosted next month in South Africa and one in which "both teams could claim to have God on their side."

Players in prayer at the end of the match, Agence France Presse TV screen shot

The Clericus Cup is a tournament which has been contested annually since 2007 and is made up of teams whose players are all priests or seminarists from around the world attending the Vatican City's Papal colleges.

Saturday's final (there are no tournament games on a Sunday) was a repeat of last year's with holders Redemptoris Mater taking on rivals Pontifical North American College; the Italians once again running out the winners with the only goal of the game.

While the president of the Cup, Monsignor Claudio Paganini admitted that there had been several on-the pitch incidents and that perhaps not all the players had always "behaved entirely correctly" the competition had shown another side of the Catholic Church - away from the scandals that have dominated recent news stories.

http://www.france24.com/fr/20100530-football-avant-le-mondial-leglise-catholique-a-deja-son-champion

"At a time when the Church is being attacked over issues of paedophilia we're showing here how games and the body are values and not limitations," he told AFPTV.

"The human body should be used to give glory to God, not for acts of deviance."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PlDslMckFCg

Redemptoris Mater have appeared in each of the four finals that have taken place since the Cup began in 2007.

The only time they have failed to lift the trophy was in 2008 when they lost out to Mater Ecclesiae.

San Remo sans Carla

It's the news that's rocking (forgive the weak musical pun) Italy at the moment.

France's first lady, Carla Bruni-Sarkozy has pulled out of the country's San Remo music festival due to take place in a couple of weeks time.

And the order - for that's what it is if sectors of both the Italian and French media are to be believed - is a presidential one, courtesy of her husband the head of state of this country, Nicolas (Sarkozy for those who might have been on another planet for the past couple of years).

The Elysée palace (the French president's official residence and office) and ergo Bruni-Sarkozy were reportedly upset over the lyrics of a song to be performed by another artist and previous winner of the festival in 2007, Simone Cristicchi.

Her "Meno male," pokes fun at France's first couple by suggesting that the former model is a beguiling and "glamourous distraction" from any political problems her husband might be facing.

The announcement that Bruni-Sarkozy would be a no-show at Italy's best known singing jamboree came at the weekend and was made by the TV presenter Massimo Giletti on Italy's main public television channel, Rai Uno.

He divulged to viewers that he had been told by "friends" of France's first lady that she wouldn't be appearing because "the Elysée palace didn't want her exposed to public ridicule by being on the same stage" (although obviously not at the same time) "as Simone Cristicci, who had "mocked the French president in her song."

What's more he later told journalists that he had seen an email from Bruni-Sarkozy's staff that backed up his claim.

The formal explanation, offered up in the pages of the Italian daily Corriere della Sera, is of course quite different in that "obligations", both official as France's first lady and personal commitments, always made her presence unlikely.

But there are few around, so it would seem, who believe that to be the real reason for the late cancellation.

Bruni-Sarkozy was due to have sung a duet with Italian singer Gino Paoli during the festival. Instead he'll be singing alone and as some wits in France have enjoyed saying on more than one occasion (and this only really works in French) "San Remo will be 'sans' Carla this year."

The San Remo music festival has been a national treasure in Italy for decades and is seen by many as the inspiration for that other European musical shindig, the Eurovision Song Contest.

Venice - a photoreportage

It's easy - oh so easy perhaps - to take glorious photos of Venice, even for the most talentless among us.

Simply point the camera in any direction, press, whirr and voilà.

And with digital technology you've got not just one but several (hundred?) snapshots of those canals, water, bridges, piazzas, more water, palaces, boats, gondoliers, even more water and so on and so forth.

Souvenirs of a city that is without question one of the most romantic in the world.

Well just for a change, here, mixed in with those typical tourist photos (well what did you expect?) is a selection of a few other images and clips taken by one galoshes-wearing happy snapper traipsing - or should that be sploshing - around the "Queen of the Adriatic" as the sun put in a brief appearance during acqua alta or "high water".

Braving the raised walkways at the Rialto bridge

equipped with wellies that have clearly never seen the countryside

After the rain, the sun

It might be chilly but some are determined to make the most out of the sun

Just to state the obvious, Venice of course means boats

...and canals, starting with the Grand Canal

...and continuing with the side canals

...gondoliers at work, waiting and taking a break

and gondolas - take one or make one

It's a city with the narrowest of streets

and where.daily exercise Venetian style entails lugging pushchairs over bridges

As it's Italy it's time to shop. Tat for sale - masks, tee shirts and "original" Murano

And then there are some extravagant loo brushes

Signs (galore) - where exactly are we? - posters, instructions and graffiti











Hung out to dry

Bells and doors

All right then, a couple of typical tourist shots to finish with.

St Mark's - in the rain and at dusk