Incomplete faction: French mobile operator Orange to launch a new service "guaranteeing bugs"

After France's largest mobile 'phone operator and Internet provider, Orange, treated its 28 million users - and then some - to a total 12-hour blackout from Friday afternoon until the early hours of Saturday morning, the company says it has hit upon a new marketing strategy.

It has promised to increase its current list of easy-to-navigate and simple-to-understand subscriptions with a new limited-availability only offer.

(screenshot from Orange commercial)

Called "Way-you-go" it will apparently guarantee a minimum service to mobile 'phone users at a maximum price, ensuring that subscribers have absolutely no service for at least 12 hours every month at a time which the company promises will be "totally at random" and "most inconvenient".

"It's the future of telecommunications," says a release on the company's website, issued at the same time as an apology for the bug that hit the France Telecom subsidiary and thereby guaranteeing that nobody would be able to read it.

"Friday's crash was such a success and touched so many people that we've decided to make a regular thing of it."

In addition the company says it plans to launch a new "Up yours" subscription for customers taking advantage of its combined mobile 'phone and Internet offer to "ensure that we are able to continue to provide the kind of service our customers have come to expect."

"We'll also be transferring our helplines to non French-speaking countries just to make certain that anyone having problems will have as much difficulty as possible finding someone who can provide them with an immediate solution."

Full details are expected to be released by the end of the month.

Pure genius and surely proof, as Orange said in a recent advertising campaign, that it is only satisfied, "when able to offer a service the customer appreciates."

rnet provider, Orange, announces a new bug-laden service for customers.

"We like the world" round-the-world Facebook journey

If you're one of those people who casts doubts on whether Facebook "friends" can ever exist outside of the virtual world, then a French family is surely set to make you think again.

In July Frédéric and Estelle Colas, along with their eight-year-old daughter Héloïse, will leave Paris to set off on a round-the-world trip with a difference.

They'll be staying with Facebook friends in every country they visit.

The Colas family (screenshot from YouTube video)

Yes that's right; people they don't necessarily know and perhaps have never met but who have become "friends' in that Social Network definition of the word.



But this isn't just a gimmick or a publicity stunt and it's not a trip dedicated purely to pleasure - although there is obviously some of that involved too - as Frédéric Colas explained to journalist David Abiker on Europe 1 radio on Sunday.

There's also a purpose behind it.

"Every time one of our Facebook friends puts us up for the night, we'll donate the money we would otherwise have spent on a hotel to a fund aimed at building a girls' school in Burkina Faso together with the association La voix de l'enfant," he said.

The couple, both in their early forties and professionals in communications and advertising see the project as being a combination of making a dream come true, taking a break and allowing their daughter to discover the world.

And at the some time, they'll be doing something much more important, as Fréderic writes on We like the world's website.

"It is the time to ask myself important questions about what I want to do about my life while keeping my feet on the ground," he writes.

"It is a year when I want to 'be' but also to 'achieve' something. As in any project, I anticipate having constraints and some form of pressure, because I want to see the school built thanks to all the people who are interested in our project."

If you would like to become a friend of the project, offer the family accommodation overnight at some point during their trip o simply follow their progress, then check out the Facebook page for We like the world.

The Colas family (screenshot from YouTube video)

"The question is often asked what do Facebook 'friends' really mean in terms of proper friendship," says Colas.

"Our aim is to show that with the help of a Social Network we can do some good, something enjoyable and something that exists in the 'real life'."

We like the world - french

View more presentations from Frederic Colas

Carla Bruni-Sarkozy pregnancy rumours

Speculation is rife on the Net that France's first lady, Carla Bruni-Sarkozy, is pregnant.

The source of course is an irreproachable one; the French weekly celebrity gossip magazine Closer, which asserts in its latest edition that "someone very close to the couple," had provided the information.


It's a story which really doesn't matter whether it's true. The very fact that it's out there in the public domain - albeit it Twitterdom and the less serious elements of the mainstream media - means that it has somewhat taken on a life of its own.

The presidential office - the Elysée palace - has reacted of sorts when questioned by the national weekly newspaper Le Journal du Dimanche with "It's a matter which touches on the private life of the president" - another way of saying "No comment' in a country which has very strict laws which are largely accepted when it comes to public figures.

Perhaps that explains why the so-called story has not really made on the sites or pages of France's main newspapers and magazines, let alone the airwaves and screens of radio and television.

As Bruno Roger-Petit points out on the French website Le Post, there has been almost complete indifference from the mainstream media (other than the usual suspects) to the speculation so far.

Perhaps that's not so surprising as this is the third time in as many years that rumours have surfaced about an impending patter of tiny feet at the Elysée palace.

Just run a Google search and you'll be able to pull up umpteen articles maintaining Bruni-Sarkozy has at one point or another been expecting.

Be that as it may, Closer is sticking to its guns this time around.

The editor of the magazine, Laurence Pieau, confirmed the "scoop" to the national daily Le Parisien, saying that she was certain the information was more than reliable.

"We would not have divulged the news without being completely sure," she said.

"It has been corroborated by several different sources and we are convinced that Carla Bruni-Sarkozy is in the earliest weeks of her pregnancy."

The next few days and weeks will tell whether the rumour is true, but in the meantime, Closer has created a buzz, ensured its sales for the following week, and taken everyone's mind away from political affairs that might actually be of some importance over the coming year as campaigning hots up for the presidential elections in May 2012.

Nadine Morano's Renaud-Renault howler - the song

You kind of knew it was going to happen.

It's barely a week since Nadine Morano, the minister in charge of apprenticeships and professional training, made a complete fool of herself during an interview on an early morning television programme.

Nadine Morano and Caroline Roux (screenshot La Matinale Canal +)

Her classic confusion of "Renaud", a French singer-songwriter with a distinctive "broken voice", with "Renault", the car manufacturer at the centre of the non-existent industrial espionage story, became an instant Internet hit and the object of plenty of ridicule.

Now though, an Internaut has come to her rescue - sort of.

Jérôme Niel aka La Ferme Jérôme (screenshot from video)

Jérôme Niel has written a song whose title uses the exact words in the question that so confused Morano, "Tous coupables sauf Carlos Ghosn" and performing it as - who else - but Renaud.

Just to refresh your memory, Morano was asked what she thought of the case of Renault in which everyone seemed to be guilty except its CEO Carlos Ghosn.

"J'aime, j'aime pas 'Tous coupables sauf Carlos Ghosn'," was what Morano was asked on an edition last week of La Matinale on Canal +.

And those words, as far as Niel were concerned, were at the nub of the minister's befuddlement.

"I watched the mistake Nadine Morano made and if you listen to the way the journalist (Caroline Roux) poses the question you can hear that it sounds like the title of a song 'Tous coupable sauf Carlos Ghosn'," he said.

"I thought why not simply use that as a starting point and I put it online and it has aroused a great deal of interest both on the Net and among the media."

Looking - sort of - and sounding - more so - like Renaud, Niel lets Morano of the hook in a manner of speaking, because her blunder is no longer as silly as it seemed!

Well that's if you can get over the fact of a politician being so ill-informed on what was the major domestic news story of the day.



Of course it's all a spoof and not the first time the web humorist has composed and performed such a parody.

There's more, much more on his blog La Ferme Jérôme and his Facebook page

No reaction from Morano herself yet - which is probably the best approach.

French département provides sixth graders with iPads

If you've been lusting after an iPad since its launch in April this year, then you might wish you were back at school.

Well at least if you live in the French département of Corrèze.

That's because its conseil général (or general council) has taken the decision to provide the département's 2,500 sixth grade schoolchildren (11 to 12-year-olds) and their 800 teachers with the very latest Apple technology - the iPad.

Snapshot from Apple iPad video

Now if you're having trouble locating the Corrèze, don't worry. It's described as being in "south central France" and it's one of the smaller départements, in terms of population.

The largest, and best-known city is Brive-la-Gaillarde, although the capital (if you will) is the smaller town of Tulle.

For the Brits amongst you, Corrèze is bordered to the southwest by the département of Dordogne.

Anyway, back to those 3,300 iPads. They'll be equipped with educational software and, said the spokesman for the council, Jacques Spindler, the total cost of the operation which will take until the end of December, will be €1.5 million.

"According to Apple, it's a first both in France and Europe," he told Agence France Presse.

Corrèze is no stranger to investing in technology for its schoolchildren.

In 2008 it issued fifth graders (12 to 13-year-olds) and their teachers with laptops with the aim that at the end of three-years they would become the owners.

"At the end of this academic year we'll assess whether to this experiment (with the iPad) has been successful and whether it'll be extended," said Spindler.

A musical tribute to Rachida Dati's "inflation-fellatio" slip of the tongue

French rapper Dirty Dahn has been at it again.

French rapper Dirty Dahn (screeenshot from "Amoreux 2 Rachida"

The self-confessed Rachida Dati admirer has paid tribute to the former French justice minister in his latest video and in particular to the much publicised television interview last month during which a slip of the tongue had her replace "inflation" with the word "fellatio".

While that blunder made the headlines both in France and abroad, for Dahn, and his sidekick Richie Adams, it was far from being unintended.

Dirty Dahn (left) and Richie Adams (screeenshot from "Amoreux 2 Rachida"

In fact it was just the excuse the pair needed to release a follow-up to their 2009 offering "Amoureux de Rachida" in which the pair lamented Dati stepping down from the government and "exiling herself" as a member of the European parliament.

This time around Dahn has reworked the 1989 Richard Marx (does anyone remember him?) hit "Right here waiting" in his own inimitable style to come up with "Amoreux 2 Rachida".

It is, as the introduction to the video makes clear, a song written with the conviction that Dati's slip-up was "a signal meant for his ears" and it reawakened hope in him after "several months spent in depression following the failure of his relationship with the former justice minister."

Indeed those are pretty much the sentiments expressed in the lyrics too of a video which has become something of an Internet hit in France since it was released at the beginning of this month.

So sit back, enjoy and swoon along with Dahn in his ode to Dati courtesy of Dailymotion.


AMOUREUX 2 RACHIDA feat. Richie Adams
envoyé par dirty-dahn. - Gag, sketch et parodie humouristique en video.

René la Taupe tops the French charts

René la Taupe (or René the mole) first hit the top of the French singles charts in September.

And now, five weeks later, the "virtual singing character" is still there, keeping off the likes of international stars (and real human beings) such as Shakira and Katy Perry.

Ah yes, from the country that has brought the world singers that include Edith Piaf to Charles Aznavour, or Serge Gainsbourg to Vanessa Paradis and not forgetting Carla Bruni-Sarkozy (Italian by birth, French by marriage) along the way, comes a little fellow that is...well "annoying" might be an appropriate world.

"Mignon mignon" is the critter's second hit single and, according to the entry on Wikipedia, took lyricist Séverine Thomazo all of seven minutes to write.

And the result of all that hard work has brought France and the world the following (first verse)

"Ce qui me plait chez toi
C’est ton petit bidon
Tes petites poignées d’amour
Je trouve ça trop mignon
Même si les autres dans la rue
Te trouvent un peu trop gras
Pour moi c’est confortable
Quand tu me prends dans tes bras"

Translated as:

"What I like about you
Is your little tummy,
I find your little love handles
Just too cute
Even if others in the street
Find you a little tubby
For me it's really snug
When you take me in your arms"

Ahem. All right.

Perhaps not Grammy award-winning material, but a commercial success nevertheless.

You want more?

Well there's the accompanying video of course available on YouTube and Dailymotion.

Wander over to Facebook and you'll find thousands of "friends" on both the pro and anti René la Taupe pages

And naturally there's a blog which tells you how to download the remixed ringtone.

That's right - ringtone.

Move over Myspace, the mobile 'phone is now clearly THE place to launch a perhaps short-lived but all-the-same lucrative singing career.

Because France's top-selling song is from an "artist" created to help promote and market a mobile 'phone content provider.

A Christmas song is rumoured to be in the works.

Hooray!

René la Taupe - Mignon Mignon (Version longue) Vidéo ambrase13 sélectionnée dans Humour

Sarkozy inspires hip-hop "save-the-world" video

Early into his "reign of office" there was a rapping video dedicated to the French president, Nicolas Sarkozy, featuring him as "The King of Bling Bling" which you might remember.

While that clip focussed on Sarkozy's apparent love of "show", the latest music video to hit the Net and starring the French president is somewhat more sober - at least in terms of content.

screenshot from video

It was made by the team of the weekly television programme, "Tout le monde il est beau" on Canal +.

It's a show, hosted by the excellent Bruce Toussaint which, in its own words "revisits the previous week's news stories". In other words it's no holds barred when it comes to poking fun at whenever and where ever it deems appropriate.

In its most recent edition it took Sarkozy's speech at the United Nations in New York last week when he pressed for "a global tax on financial transactions to fund development aid" set it to the music of Alicia Key's monster 2009 hit "Empire state of mind" with reworked lyrics and came up with something described by the French site Le Post as a special "New York hip-hop and bling-bling" version.



The latest musical clip is just one in a long line of those featuring French politicians that have made the Net since Sarkozy came to power in May 2007.

There was the Lipdubbing bandwaggon which the Youth wing of the party so memorably jumped on last year with its video featuring government ministers lip-synching to "Tous ceux qui veulent changer le monde" ("Everyone who wants to change the world"). You can watch it again here should you wish.

Before that a French rapper offered up an ode, or rather a love song, to the former justice minister Rachida Dati just as she was preparing to leave the government and take up her post at the European parliament.

And when Sarkozy reshuffled his government in January 2009 there was another somewhat irreverent video to "celebrate".

All the while of course there has been the support and participation - musically speaking - of a real singer in the shape of France's first lady, Carla Bruni-Sarkozy.

She most recently brought her own very special universe to rework David Bowie's "Absolute Beginners" - à la Carla.

"If music be the food of love, play on" wrote William Shakespeare in the opening lines of "Twelfth Night".

Well if the Bard were around today perhaps he would adapt his well-known quote a little to comment on French political life and the fun many seem to have in setting politics to music.

French TV channel slaps daytime ban on singer's video

Clearly one of France's national television channels, M6, is taking its responsibility to look after the moral welfare of this country's youth seriously.

It has decided that the video accompanying singer-songwriter Raphaël's latest single is "too violent to be shown during daytime hours" and has banished it to late at night or the wee hours of the morning when young children and teenagers are safely tucked up in bed.

screenshot of French singer Raphaël from his latest video

The problem, it would appear to be, is the sight of a "frail young woman being kidnapped by two hooded men" in the clip of "Bar De L'hôtel".

Yes the broadcaster, whose sister channel W9 recently offer viewers of all ages the chance to watch the delights and saucy goings-on of "Dilemma"; reality TV that left little to the imagination (albeit shown at a respectable past-the watershed hour) has decided that Raphaël's video oversteps the mark.

As the website Le Post points out, it might be less graphic and certainly far from being as violent as other clips that M6 regularly broadcasts during the day, but as far as the channel is concerned the agreement it has with the television watchdog Conseil Supérieur de l'Audiovisuel, CSA, means that it has an obligation to protect the sensibilities of younger viewers.

Fans and the simply curious though need have no fear of not being able to see the video.

It is of course out there on the Net for everyone to see, on the singer's official website, YouTube, Dailymotion and and elsewhere, and perhaps thanks to M6 is happily picking up a steady flow of hits.

Take a look and judge for yourselves.

The joys of SPAM

Who needs Facebook to make new friends? Or followers on Twitter?

Hey who even needs any sort of social networking sites when there's still ol' fashioned (did I really just write that?) email around.

Simply open an account and sit back because you're guaranteed to be flooded with messages from people you don't know, all of whom want to be your new best friend.

What's more they all seem to want to make you rich. And not just tiddly save-a-centime here or there wealthy, but tantalising rolling-in-lolly and pass-me-the-bucket-for the champagne type dosh.

Well surely that's the only conclusion to be drawn by speed reading some of those "Oh just too good to be true" offers I've been receiving recently.

You must have had them.

I sure have.

A virtual deluge pouring into my Inbox and getting me worked up into a frenzy of anticipation every time I log on.

What's more, even though they're all messages from (to me) complete strangers, there's no beating about that proverbial bush as they get straight into those life-changing offers.

Take Karim A* for example. He has written to me on more than one occasion, dangling one tempting apple after another, in front of me.

He's an "auditing and account maneger" (please Karim - I may call you Karim surely - proof read your emails before you hit the send button) at the "Bank of Africa" in Ouagadougou, Burkina Faso.

Work must be tedious for Karim as I later discovered that he had sent me not one, but three "urgent messages" telling me that he needed my "urgent assistance (so much urgency) in transferring the sum of €9.5 million (he even spellt it out for me in words just in case I hadn't understood) to my account within 10 to 17 banking days."

And all that was required from me were a few personal details such as my "nameinfull", "address", "nationality", "age", "sex", "occupation", "marital status", "phone" and "fax".

Really Karim, you should know me well enough not to have to ask. After all you're offering me so much spondoolicks "just like that" you must have done your research ahead of time.

And what is it with the "10 to 17 banking days"? Why such a curious number?

Next up was a "Proposition confidentielle" (I won't bother translating) from Mamadou R. also at the Bank of Africa, but another branch.

It exists. The Bank of Africa, I mean. I checked it out. It's a multinational group founded in Mali in the early 80s and has subsidiaries in several African countries.

Nonetheless I'm not sure the said Monsieur R is actually an employee, even though he insisted his records showed "I was the sole (yes sole) beneficiery of $1,500,000" and it would be a "mere doddle" (I'm paraphrasing) "for me to make my claim".

The only problem is that Monsieur R left it at that and forget to mention how I could retrieve my fortune. Guess I'll have to wait until he contacts me again.

Waiting though can sometimes result in a somewhat impolite email, such as the one from "Lemberger" - no Mrs, Mr, Ms or otherwise - who wrote to remind me that £4,600,000 (odd amount that) was still on their account, but that the exact details were "being withheld" because I hadn't responded to an earlier "letter".

Huh. See if I care, because the very next message was from a woman who seems to have something of a thing for me, judging by the way she starts he email.

"My Dearest," begins "Joy K". "I am writing this mail to you with due respect trust and humanity, i (she seems to like using the lower case and I won't mention punctuation) appeal to you to exercise a little patience and read through my letter i feel quite safe dealing with you in this important business having gone through your remarkable profile, honestly i am writing this email to you with pains, tears and sorrow from my heart, i will really like to have a good relationship with you and i have a special reason why i decided to contact you..."

Now this is someone who really knows how to capture my attention.

How could I resist continuing?

So many compliments in such a short space of time.

And I don't even know the woman.

Her story was of course excruciatingly complicated and convoluted and involved a 'plane crash a couple of years ago in which her incredibly wealthy father had lost his life, some Italians who had managed to get their hands on all his property, and a mystery bank account in which her father had apparently deposited huge amounts of lovely lolly.

The only problem was Joy couldn't actually withdraw it unless she were married or managed to present someone to the bank who would act as a trustee and help her invest it overseas.

We're not talking peanuts here, far from it. $US 8.5 million in total with Joy offering me a 40 per cent cut because..."I'm so honest."

So 40 per cent of 8.5 million....well you do the maths.

Tempting, and sorely so, but Im not sure my Superior Other would be too pleased if I upped sticks and tied the knot with a complete stranger.

Besides with so many other emails still stuffed in my Inbox, going on current form, I felt another even better offer was just one click away.

And that intuition was indeed rewarded, as one cursor-hovering second later I read a message from Mr S. who was The Manager/Audit Section at African Development Bank (do you think perhaps the definite article went walkabouts there) .

He sent me a hearty "greetings" and asked how I was ("touched", I think would be the appropriate response) before telling me that he had decided to contact me for a "fund transfer transaction worth the sum of $9.3 million." Actually rather than spelling it out as Karim had done, he let the figures speak for themselves.

I was hearing them loud and clear.

Apparently I was the sole (here we go again) NEXT-OF-KIN (unlike Joy above, Mr S patently liked his CAPS LOCK) to one of the bank's deceased customers, an "International Billionaire French Businessman" who had been killed with his entire family (except me obviously) by "PLANE-CRASH in Central England atmost (?) 5 years ago."

Although I have to admit I admired Mr S for his ingenuity in combining my nationality (British in case you were wondering) with my country of residence (France) in his tale, it just seemed, well a tad too familiar, and when he went on to explain how I could get my mitts on the money I was...well confused wouldn't go halfway to describing it.

"Since his death occured, no body have show up as his next of kin for the claim because the account is untraceable," he wrote.

"Upon the investigation I carried out from his records, I found out that his foreign business consultant who would have trace the account died earlier before the deceased," he continued.

"Therefore, this is a confidential and sealed deal."

Oops - didn't read that final bit too well. Guess I've gone and blown the confidentiality clause now. Never mind I hadn't really been able to get to grips with Mr Sayed's explanation.

Moving swiftly along.

MAYOD S (need I tell you that here was another CAPS LOCK lover) had discovered that I could be entitled to $9.5 million to establish a "MEDIUM SIZED INDUSTRY" in my country.

Which one would that be, I wondered. The one from which I originally hail, or the place I've decided to make my home?

A rhetorical question I hasten to add. There's no need for you all to reach for your collective keyboards.

Once again the money, it appeared, had been left in his bank by a client who had died in a 'plane crash in 2000.

This time there was even a link to a CNN story. So it HAD TO BE TRUE (whoops, now I've picked up the habit). But that nagging doubt and uncanny familiarity with other messages just wouldn't leave me.

"Claire P" or rather "Mrs Claire P" wrote to me telling me to contact her lawyer.

Edward C was a lawyer or a "solicitor at law" as he put it. Both had huge cash deals to offer me following the deaths of their family members/clients respectively who had all perished in car crashes.

Talking autmobiles, Mrs Steven M told me I had won a new BMW and I would only have to contact her with a few personal details to secure delivery.

There was a message from Yahoo - sorry, "Yahoo customer services" - informing me that it "would shut down al (sic) unused accounts" and that "in order to (don't you just hate the use of three words when just the last one will do?) avoid the deactivation of my account" all I had to do was to send an email confirming....gosh exactly the same information Karim wanted. Now there's a suprise.

Apparently it's all down to "congestion". My advice - take a Rennies and it'll soon pass.

Finally just for something completely different, I was offered a job.

It was rather a curious proposal and perhaps not entirely appropriate to say the least.

I had apparently been recommended to "a lovely couple from sunny California" who in typical American style started off their email with a "Hi Johnny" before offering me "the opportunity of a lifetime to come and join them to look after their three wonderful kids."

Not bad going for a bloke in his forties. A midlife crisis career change could be just what I need.

Except I've now made so many new friends and am potentially richer than Croesus that I really don't have to even have to lift the tiniest of little fingers in daily toil.

I could go on and on and on ad nauseam. But, dear readers, I think you get the picture.

There were still plenty of unread messages in my Inbox happily waiting to be read and "ACTED UPON".

I never have done and I never will.

Instead with the help of my magic forefinger and the "enter" button, I happily consign them where they undoubtedly belong; to Internet oblivion.

La fin.

* Full names have been avoided to protect the privacy of my new 'friends".

A "perfect" summer job

There were probably plenty of disappointed applicants last year when Briton Ben Southall beat out over 34,000 others to become caretaker of an Australian tropical island for six months in the so-called "Best job in the world".

But now a similar position of sorts is up for grabs in France, albeit for a limited period and with a distinctive - how to put it? - French touch perhaps.

It's the "Summer job of 2010" (le "job de l'été 2010") offered by the tourist office of the seaside town of Les Sables-d'Olonne and involves - among other things - spreading suntan lotion on holidaymakers: a six week stint which will earn the lucky recruits €5,000.

Photo, Payton Chung from Chicago, USA - from Wikipedia

Actually there isn't just one position as a "creamer" (yep that really is the name the organisers have dreamt up for the job) available but two, as François Boche the director of the town's tourist office explained on national radio.

And the successful candidates won't just be rubbing lotion into sunbathers who've perhaps forgotten to bring along some protection.

"We're looking for a young woman and a young man and applicants will be judged on their ability to get along with members of the public," he said.

"And they'll also need to have some knowledge of health issues and in particular the need to wear sun protection," he continued.

"As well as applying lotion to sunbathers, the successful candidates will be offering advice and information on sun protection," he added.

"And they'll be handing out free samples from the company sponsoring the whole operation."

Ah yes. The "Summer job of 2010" isn't just a public service aimed at increasing awareness of the need to protect against the sun's rays, but also a marketing strategy, and Boche admits that the relatively high pay - €5,000 for just six weeks work - is also a way for the town to promote itself.

So how do all those aspiring "creamers" who want to spend six weeks in July and August on the beaches of the western coast of France actually go about applying?

Well first up they'll have to submit a 45-second video (as well as communications skills and "some knowledge of health issues" they'll presumably also need to be attractive) and a brief curriculum vitæ outlining why they want the job, online.



A site has been set up specifically for applications.

They're then encouraged to mobilise support among their "network of friends online through Facebook, Twitter or email" because the initial voting process is open to anyone logging on to the site.

In June, the 10 candidates with the highest number of votes will then appear before a jury which will choose the two winners.

Just for the record, and for those of you who might be popping along to the beach at Les Sables-d'Olonne some time over the summer and aren't too thrilled at the thought of a complete stranger offering to apply suntan lotion, Boche has a few words of comfort.

"To avoid any problems, the two 'creamers' will only be proposing to apply protection to the upper back and the arms," he said.

"And as far as children are concerned, it'll only be done in the presence of the parents."

Christophe Willem at Eurovision Song Contest 2010?

It's one of those rumours that has been doing the rounds on the Net over the past week, and just like any speculation, once it's out there it seems that it won't go away - even though it has been denied.

Christophe Willem, the winner of the fourth edition of Nouvelle Star (the French version of Pop Idol) back in 2006, will represent France at this year's Eurovision Song Contest in May.

"Not so," said those responsible at France Television which will broadcast the show here live when contacted shortly after the "news" broke.

"Several websites have been saying this for several hours to create a buzz but the problem is it's completely untrue."

Right, that's clear then. One of those categorical denials that cannot be disputed.

Except some might remember what happened last year when similar rumours circulated that Patricia Kaas would be singing her heart out for this country in Moscow, the host of the 2009 contest.

Both Kaas and her management started out by trying to scotch them, only to end up announcing officially that she would indeed be singing France's entry.

And there she was in Russia

For those of you out there who have no idea what the Eurovision Song Contest is, it's an annual "musical" jamboree (very heavy on the inverted commas) which many music aficionados dread but the viewing public seems to love.

From humble beginnings in 1956 when just seven countries entered, it has under the auspices of the European Broadcasting Union (EBU) become something of an institution with millions tuning in to watch the very best and worst of what Europe has to offer - musically speaking.

In fact it has become so big that semi-finals take place to determine which countries will be allowed to take part.

Only the so-called Big Four - France, United Kingdom, Spain and Germany - qualify automatically for the final as they're the biggest financial contributors to the EBU and without them the production costs would be prohibitive.

This year it'll be coming from Oslo as Norway won the competition last time around and with it the honours to play host.

Alexander Rybak - Fairytale HD
par Uncensored-production

Since last winning the contest way back in 1977 when Marie Myriam sung the unforgettable "L'oiseau Et L'enfant", France has had a pretty dismal record, and not even the presence of a "big gun" such as Kaas in Moscow last year could woo enough support. She eventually finished eighth.

Anyway, back to the "yes he will, no he won't" rumour that Willem has been chosen to represent France.

The 26-year-old is arguably one of the most successful winners of a television talent show here in France, has had a clutch of hit singles and has released two albums.

There's a Facebook group (isn't there always in such cases?) that has been set up to gather support for him to represent France in Oslo, and when interviewed on whether the rumours were true or false he said the idea had been run past him and he had been in touch with some writers who could perhaps make the idea a reality.

"They're working on other projects at the moment," he said.

"So apparently it won't be me even though I too have read everywhere that it has been confirmed, but that's not the case," he added.

As to what he thought about the idea of singing at the Eurovision Song Contest, Willem admitted that it did have an appeal and he was in no way opposed to it.

"It's certainly a bit old fashioned in its concept" he said.

"But at the same time I find it quite interesting as we are constantly talking about Europe, and this is a concrete way of seeing what Europe is all about," he continued.

"It's a way of sharing music with each other and it could be a cool idea."



So there you have it. The Net helping add life to a rumour that has been denied but by the same token appears to have taken on a life of its own.

The French government's million-billion loan muddle

It's an easy enough mistake perhaps getting a few zeros confused especially when the amounts involved are to most of us pretty mind boggling.

But it's not really the sort of error you would expect from a government purportedly more adept at matters financial and charged with balancing the nation's books.

That however, is exactly what the French government has been up to recently, proudly outlining on its official site how the planned €35 billion loan, announced by the president, Nicolas Sarkozy, earlier in the month "to boost the country's competitiveness and fund the best universities in the world" would be spent.

On Christmas Eve it went online with a breakdown of how the money would be apportioned to each of the main sectors such as universities, small businesses, sustainable development and the digital economy that would spearhead Sarkozy's plan to ensure that France could "fully benefit from the recovery, so that it would be stronger, more competitive, and create more jobs."

Except someone clearly got in rather a muddle as to the number of zeros involved, or simply repeatedly hit the wrong letter on the keyboard (after all it can easily happen to those unfamiliar with the French AZERTY layout) because the 35 billion suddenly became a rather more modest 35 million.

And there the blunder remained for all to see until the afternoon of December 29 when the figures were corrected.




For those who might have missed what was - as the government's press service assured - "a mistake" - the national daily Le Figaro helpfully published a screen shot of the "million-billion" mix-up.

Perhaps it was the timing of the release that left the rather embarrassing miscalculation in the public domain for four days.

After all who in their right mind would take a break from the Christmas festivities to take a glance at what was on the government's website?

But of course it's not the first time the French government has had problems with the flow of information making it on to its own site.

Back in August it published the names of Frédéric Lefebvre, Axel Poniatowski and Paul Giaccobi as three new junior minister appointed to the government, before quickly taking them down again the same afternoon in what initially described as a "technical problem" and was later explained as "human error".

Sarkozy, the French Socialist party's "head of human resources"

He's at it again. The French president, Nicolas Sarkozy, has been bashing the opposition Socialist party.

And while it wasn't supposed to have been recorded on camera, somehow a clip of his sometimes less-than-diplomatic (and in this case probably intentional) way with words has managed to make its way on to the Net.

It occurred earlier this week at a meeting of 800 or so faithful of the governing centre-right Union pour un Mouvement Populaire) Union for a Popular Movement,UMP) party at Lingolsheim in the east of France.

Sarkozy was there rallying support among party members, with an eye on the regional elections next March.

It was supposed to be a "closed" session: no journalists, no cameras and nothing to record what was said - apart from those present.

Except, as often seems to be the case under such circumstances, someone couldn't resist using their mobile 'phone to capture some of the more choice moments, especially when the president chose to tell the audience what he thought was wrong with the opposition Socialist party.

It started off gently enough with some comments on the process of "opening up the government", which has characterised Sarkozy's time in office ever since he came to power in May 2007.

"I didn't need to reach out (to other political parties)," he said.

"I've done it because I think France is a country that needs to be reminded of the need for tolerance and not bigotry or division. It's a country that has to be more tolerant."



And then Sarkozy decided to turn his attention to what he thought was wrong with the opposition Socialist party by joking about its leadership in a way he has done before.

"You know what the Socialist party really lacks is a director of human resources," he said.

"They've got the talent but they simply don't know how to use it, so I've decided to do the job for them and to become their HR director," he continued.

And then just to drive the point home, he added, "(Dominique) Strauss-Kahn? He's in Washington. (Bernard) Kouchner? With us. Jack Lang? With me.

"A party like that with such talent...and then it chooses Martine Aubry or Ségolène Royal."

While there was apparently "polite" laughter among those gathered, one person seemed not be be so enthusiastic, and used a mobile 'phone to record the "highlights" and that in spite of instructions that no filming be allowed.

Even though the clip has made its way on to the Net, what he said was certainly not a faux pas on the part of the French president, but a shared (not-so) private joke with those that would most appreciate it and one with which many others might well agree.

Plus given the fact that Sarkozy has in the past referred to himself as the Socialist party's director of human resources in front of television cameras, it's unlikely that he regrets the story getting out to a wider audience.

France's lip-synching government ministers

It's the latest video to create a buzz on the Internet here in France; members of the governing centre-right Union pour un Mouvement Populaire (Union for a Popular Movement UMP) party lip-synching.

Most of the video was shot at the party's summer conference in Seignosse best remembered perhaps for THAT clip of the interior minister, Brice Hortefeux apparently making a remark which many interpreted as racist.

And it features - if that's the right word - several government ministers - past and present - letting their hair down and singing and dancing in perfect harmony, albeit it in playback.

The teaser came out last week with the official release of the full-length version set for release Friday 11 December.

But of course the French media has got hold its hands on it - so to speak - and the pirated version, complete with a Nicolas Sarkozy impersonator voice-over, is already doing the rounds.

The video is the brainchild of the UMP's youth wing. An attempt surely to appeal to the electorate ahead next year's regional elections in which several of the political "artistes" will be standing such as the minister for higher education and research, Valérie Pécresse, in Ile de France and the minister of employment, Xavier Darcos, in Aquitaine.

Also shaking their stuff and joining in the fun in a splendid show of solidarity in "Tous ceux qui veulent changer le monde" ("Everyone who wants to change the world") are several other frontline government ministers including Christine Lagarde, (finance), Eric Besson (immigration) and Eric Woerth (budget) as well as the junior minister for sports, Rama Yade, and the junior minister for family, Nadine Morano.

Not forgetting of course the former prime minister, Jean-Pierre Raffarin, or Rachida Dati, who until June this year was the justice minister and is now a member of the European parliament.

And so the list goes on.

Anyway without further ado, here it is. Sit back, enjoy and...er...sing along?

Le lip dub des jeunes de l'UMP... piraté!
par LePostfr

Have you recovered or are you still singing?

Earlier this year a similar lip-synched video from Daniel Cohn-Bendit's Europe Écologie party ahead of June's European parliamentary elections received more than 90,000 hits.

Election Européenne Lipdub Europe Écologie vote le 7 juin
par EuropeEcologie

While it would without doubt be stretching a point to say that it contributed to the party's success in the election in which it won over 16 per cent of the national vote and gained 14 seats in the European parliament, it certainly didn't do it any harm.

Something perhaps the youth wing of the UMP party is hoping it can repeat in next year's regional elections.

The French do-it-yourself online swine flu test

So you've got a cough or maybe are running a temperature and you think you might be coming down with "swine flu" (H1N1 or influenza A as it's more commonly called in France).

Well now (for those living here) there's a simple online test to determine whether the symptoms you have are cause for concern.

Quizz-grippe.fr has been developed by a team of four medical and web experts, who insist that the site is completely independent of financial, political and commercial interests and allows users to determine for themselves whether the symptoms (if any) they, or other members of their family, have are in any way those that might indicate H1N1.


The test is a simple one in which "every symptom is given a weighting" says Christophe Gareyte, one of those behind the site.

"And that's based on how often it occurs among those who've already had influenza A."

In other words it's still possible that someone has the flu even if they don't have a fever of 38 degrees celsius which occurs in around 75 per cent of influenza A cases, especially if they have enough of the other symptoms.

Before filling in the quick questionnaire users are warned that the "results" cannot be taken as a substitute for a proper examination by a doctor.

And then it's time to take the test.

Based initially on a number of criteria such as age, sex, where you live (only available to French postal codes of course) the "quiz" then asks what initial symptoms there have been - from coughing and a sore throat to fever and fatigue, before moving on to a second list of symptoms such as sensitivity to light or sudden panic attacks.

Click on any (or none) before passing on to the next step to determine what sort of cough you have and a final set of questions asking when symptoms first started occurring and whether you've had a vaccination for seasonal flu and/or against H1N1 itself.

A last click gives users the result with a reminder to consult a doctor if symptoms persist (in the case of influenza not being detected) or to dial an emergency number when "according to the information you provided you show signs that suggest you have the flu".

An innovative use of the Internet and a useful tool to reassure users without of course replacing the need when appropriate for a visit to the doctor?

Or an example of the general public being encouraged to self-diagnose symptoms and perhaps working themselves into an unnecessary frenzy?

You be the judge.

A new case of mobile phone bill madness in France

Just another news-making day in France for Orange, the mobile 'phone network operator and Internet service provider of this country's main telecommunications company, France Telecom.

And that of course can only mean an astronomical bill for someone, somewhere.

Or at least, so it would seem, based on recent evidence.

Following hot on the heels of the story of Eric Gernez, who received a demand for payment courtesy of Orange, of over €45,000 for one month's worth of Internet charges comes the case of Christophe Aupy-Fagues.

http://www.france-today.com/2009/11/one-frenchmans-monster-45000-internet.html

When the company director in the town of Saint-Herblain in western France opened the most recent bill for his firm's mobile 'phone just last Friday he too, just as Gernez before him, received a nasty surprise.

The sum charged was a whopping €39,500 a figure, which Aupy-Fagues said, represented almost 10 per cent of his company's annual turnover.

Just to make matters worse Aupy-Fagues pays his 'phone bill by standing order so the money would have already left the company account had he not immediately contacted the bank and blocked the transfer.

All right, so it wasn't quite as much as the monstrous bill Gernez had been sent, but the period for which Aupy-Fagues had been charged was shorter - just 15 days - which meant that he had run up daily costs of...well you do the maths.

So what's going on here?

Well, the "offender", if you will, had been his business partner who had been on a trip to Spain and taken the 'phone with him.

But as far as Aupy-Fagues was concerned the real culprits were the 3G 'phone, Orange itself and the "unlimited access" contract he had signed with the company.

It was - and is - only valid for use in France, a vital detail of which, Aupy-Fagues maintains, he had never been informed, and the astronomical charges accumulated were a result of that infamous "roaming".

"If we had known that unlimited access was confined to France, my business partner would never have taken the 'phone with him," said Aupy-Fagues, who also blames Orange-France Telecom for not providing its customers with sufficient information or alerting them when charges appear to spiral out of control.

"Nobody got in touch with us or sent us a warning that the charges we had accrued were of such enormous proportions," he said.

Aupy-Fagues is still waiting for an explanation from Orange and hopes there has been some sort of mistake, but in the meantime he intends to try to find other "victims of the 3G key" in France

What's the betting he and Gernez are not the only ones?

One Frenchman's monster €45,000 Internet bill

Those of a certain generation and background will doubtlessly have been raised with the idiom ringing in their ears, "If you look after the pennies, the pounds will look after themselves."

Ah yes the lesson of thrift and sensible budgeting, universal surely in its application.

Sadly though for some the temptation to spend, spend, spend is just too great and the availability of credit makes it easy to build up debts that may prove impossible to repay.

This wasn't the case though for Eric Gernez who took over the running of a bar in Petite-Forêt near the northern French town of Valenciennes in February this year.

He took a while to decide which Internet operator he would use and eventually plumped for Orange, the mobile 'phone network operator and Internet service provider of this country's main telecommunications company, France Telecom.

Gernez signed a contract which, as far as he understood, allowed him unlimited Internet connection and 'phone calls 24/7 for a monthly tariff of €95.

Except when he received his bill last month for the period August 3-31 he had a nasty surprise.

Instead of the €95 he had been expecting to pay, he was greeted by the sum of almost €46,000 or to be exact €45.923 and 61 centimes.

"At first I had to laugh when I saw the bill," he said.

"But I'm not laughing any longer because I've been asked to pay up and have been sent me a reminder," he added.

"I've even received a proposal to repay the amount over a 40-year period."

Gernez says that not only was he not informed that he had a monthly volume limit, but the bill also included international calls which he "had never made".

"This obviously isn't an attempt to rip off a customer," said Laurent Vitoux, the regional director for France Telecom - Orange.

"For the moment we've frozen his account until we have found a solution," he added.

"The contract he signed is adapted to a certain type of user and this was perhaps not the case for Mr Gernez."

Given the circumstances perhaps something of an understatement and a warning to all of us that "unlimited access" doesn't always means what it implies.

Nicolas Sarkozy to start tweeting

Something to look forward to for all those interested in French politics.

The French president, Nicolas Sarkozy, has promised to tweet during December's United Nations Climate Change Conference.

Those following him on Twitter will be able to "track his impressions throughout the summit" as part of an effort by his office at the Elysée Palace to boost the president's popularity by taking a lead from US politicians", according to the French weekly newspaper, Le Journal du Dimanche.

But hang about a moment. Will it really be Sarkozy on the other end tweeting from behind his computer screen or 'phone?

Even though in Saudi Arabia last year he appeared to be caught on camera sending a text message while one of his hosts was making a speech, surely he'll be too busy in the Danish capital to keep us bang up-to-date with what he's doing.

In fact it's more than likely it'll be the person responsible for communications at the Elysée palance, Franck Louvrier, that everyone will actually be "following".

"The president won't be using Twitter himself," admits Louvrier.

"But we'll outline what's happening and how the negotiations are going for the duration of the summit."

Sarkozy is no stranger to the Internet or social media sites. He already has a Facebook page with over 162,000 "supporters"

And he had a website during the 2007 presidential campaign, which has since become (or remained) his official site reminding us that, "Ensemble tout devient possible".

Then of course there's the site of the President of France, complete with photos, schedules, videos of speeches, the chance to send him a message (maximum 4,000 characters) and much, much more.

Meanwhile the other half of France's first couple, Carla Bruni-Sarkozy, has had a few teething problems with her new site, carlabrunisarkozy.org/fr launched on Monday.

It crashed just hours after going online as the number of users eager to gain an insight into her life with her husband at the Elysée palace - oh and all right her charity work too - exhausted the site's capacity.

For those who were unable to admire the layout and design, as well as its more serious content such as her role as ambassador for the Global Fund to Fight Aids, Tuberculosis and Malaria there was always the screen shot provided by the weekly glossy, Gala.

And of course fans could and can still log on to her multilingual music site, should they wish to listen to any one of her three albums.

French police in child porn swoop

Early Tuesday morning police arrested 90 people in a nationwide sweep to break up a suspected online child pornography ring in France.

More than 300 officers were dispatched throughout the country following an investigation that had lasted more than four years and had centred on the sharing of images and videos of children reportedly as young as one year old.

Police also seized computers in Tuesday's operation with one of them alone, according to James Juan, the public prosecutor of the northern city of Beauvais (Oise), containing more than 30,000 images.

"That was just the pictures," he told a news conference. "There were also around 1,000 videos on that single computer."

The roots of the operation go back to December 2004, when a site containing pornographic pictures and videos of children first came to the attention of the police.

The creator, from the northern town of Clermont (Oise), was just 17 years old at the time when he set up the site.

Even though he was arrested in May 2005, the pictures and videos were still on the Net and others were downloading and sharing material from his server; proof as far as the police were concerned, that there was an "organised network in place" for diffusing child pornography.

And so began "Némésis" - the code-name for the investigation - to trace and locate those involved in the suspected ring. It was carried out by a specialised police unit to monitor cyber crime.

It was a process which Robert Bouche, the commander in charge of one of the sections in the northern city of Amiens (Somme), admitted was long, but necessary under the circumstances.

"We were dealing with people who knew how to use the Internet and technology easily," he said

"Many for example were computer experts (data processors or computer scientists) more than capable of making the job of investigators all the more difficult and ensuring they couldn't easily be identified," he added.

The 90 men, whose identities have not been released as investigations are still ongoing, apparently come from all walks of life.

If charged and found guilty they could face prison sentences of up to 10 years.