So, who's "Lookin' after number one"?

Well, the title is not an allusion to the 1977 debut single of the same name by The Boomtown Rats.

Instead it's a tortured reference to one of the "big" political stories to have made the news in France over the past week.

"What could that be?" you might be asking (or not).

After all, it's a while since I let my fingers do the walking and brought you bang up-to-date with an objective look at the wonderful world that is French politics.

It's the upcoming European elections perhaps, and the somewhat "contrived" battery of polls which show French voters apparently giving the far-right Front National's (FN) anti-EU "programme" (sorry about the inverted commas - needs must) the thumbs up when everyone knows the big winner will really be the abstention rate.

Yawn.

Or Robert Ménard, one of the founders, and former secretary-general, of Reporters Sans Frontières who now, as mayor of the town of Béziers in the south of France (a post he won with the backing of the FN in March) has decided to ban - wait for it - the townsfolk from leaving their washing out on their balconies if it can be seen from the street?

Oh wait a moment. It'll only be between the hours of six o'clock in the morning and 10 pm. So it'll be all right to hang your undies out to dry during the night.

No. Too silly by far. Although a piece tracing Ménard's career from being a member of the Socialist party to becoming a self-declared "reactionary" in favour of the death penalty and against same-sex marriage might be interesting.

Maybe "Lookin' after number one!" alludes to Alain Delon, an...er...icon (is that the right word?) of the French cinema; a living legend whose brain seems to have become addled over the years (well he's getting on) and feels the need, and probably thinks his "star" status gives him the right, to express his social and political views in public.

After saying last year that same-sex couples should not be allowed to marry, that being gay was "against nature" and that "men were meant to woo women and not pick up other guys", it's perhaps little wonder that the 78-year-old has come out (entirely intentional turn of phrase) in support of Christine "homosexuality is an abomination" Boutin and her Force Vie movement in the European elections.

Nope. Delon and Boutin are far too busy looking after family values to be concerned about only themselves.

So "Lookin' after number one!" must be about Jean-François Copé's problems as the leader of the centre-right Union pour un mouvement populaire (Union for a popular movement, UMP).

You know the story, surely.

Copé's alleged "shady dealings" with UMP funds by handing out contracts to a communications company run by a couple of close buddies, which charged the party for events which never happened.

Ho hum. Looks as though it's all about to go ballistic next week when police will question three UMP parliamentarians who could well provide the proof that Copé is responsible for certain...er..."irregularities".

No, it's not that either.

Rather "Lookin' after number one!" refers to the former political scribe-turned politician  Henri Guaino and a parliamentary resolution he's tabling which shows that at the very least he has cojones.

Henri Guaino (screenshot "Bourdin direct" BFM TV, May 2014)

You see (and this is going to be a little complicated to explain) Guaino made remarks about the judge who has been investigating the dealings of Nicolas Sarkozy (to whom he was both a special advisor and political speechwriter) with French billionaire Liliane Bettencourt.

He (Guaino) accused Jean-Michel Gentil (the judge) of "dishonouring the justice system" in the manner in which he was questioning and investigating Sarkozy.

That comment clearly didn't sit well with l'Union syndicale des magistrats who brought a case against Guaino to the public prosecutor for "contempt of court and discrediting an act or judicial decision, under conditions likely to undermine the authority of the justice or independence".

Guaino's reaction? Well, he stood by everything he said.

But just to take out some extra "insurance", he's now asking his fellow parliamentarians to pass a resolution which would...." suspend the proceedings by the public prosecutor of Paris against Henri Guaino, MP for contempt of court..."

All right. That's more than enough French politics.

Here's Bob Geldof (pre KBE) and the rest of 'em

A week in French politics: hard hats and handbags at dawn

They might be on holiday, but there's no getting away from the men and women (politicians) who run  France (or would like to us to think that's what they're doing).

And for your edification, dear reader, here is this week's subjective top choices from the wonderful world of French politics.

If you've been watching the (French) news this week on the telly or listening to it on the radio then, among a domestic schedule dominated by the weather, travel conditions and places to visit, you might have heard about "pénibilité du travail".

Don't yawn (as someone did when I hinted I might be tackling the subject). After all, for those who live and work in France, pensions, of which pénibilité is a part (according to the current government) are a matter of future concern.

"Pénibilité" is a word French politicians love using to define those jobs that at one time were considered particularly arduous.

And even though in some cases working conditions may have changed (where are the men shovelling coal on the steam locomotives?) the special retirement provisions to those working in sectors still defined as "pénible" remain as an untouchable in the country's complex pensions system

Anyway the prime minister, Jean-Marc Ayrault, fresh from his seven-day break, has been doing his bit for the country this week.

He has been continuing the PR exercise begun by François Hollande who stepped out of the limelight following his week-long whistle stop Tour de France passing the mantle to his prime minister.

And just to prove he was more than up to the job, Ayrault even donned a hard hat and Gaultier-inspired (you wish) uniform as he dragged social affairs minister Marisol Touraine and employment minister Michel Sapin along for an early Tuesday morning photo-op at the building site for a new tramway in the département of Yvelines.

Don't they all look so happy?

Eat your heart out Jean-Paul Gaultier, here come the government Hard Hats
Michel Sapin (left), Jean-Marc Ayrault (centre) and Marisol Touraine
(screenshot France Télévisions)

Top of the agenda during what had been billed as Ayrault's week, was meant to be (until a political flexing of muscles between two  government ministers pushed it off the front page - more on that in a moment) "pénibilité du travail" with the prime minister insisting that it has never really been addressed in previous (and there have been many) pension reforms.

It's all still in the "being mulled over stage", but the idea of how some sort of points system awarded to those working in jobs considered "pénible" would translate into pension rights is...well...to put it simply, not.

Simple that is.

In fact the very concept is probably enough to make even the bravest economist break down in tears of frustration.

But it's something being considered (with just about any and everything else you can imagine) as the government tries to put together a pension reform plan (yes, another one) which it hopes will please everyone but you kind of already know will just end up making a confused situation even more bewildering.

One to watch - perhaps.

Another one to watch is the eventual outcome of the "handbags at dawn" moment between two of the government's big hitters - the interior minister Manuel Valls and the justice minister Christine Taubira.

The opening shots were fired in what the media (and the opposition probably) is hoping will be a "declared war" when Le Monde published details of a "private" letter sent by Valls to Hollande telling him how Taubira should be doing her job (paraphrasing here).

Hollande, not a happy bunny to see two of his top ministers disagreeing so publicly, kept his head down (after all he was supposed to be on his hols) and let Ayrault handle the situation...which he duly did in his own inimitable style...by doing nothing.

Finally - and just to show how "pénible" (aren't you impressed at how rounded this piece is turning out to be?) a French politician's job can be, a little light relief.

It has to be said though, that "comedy" was probably not on the mind of the centre-right l'Union pour un mouvement populaire (Union for a popular movement, UMP) parliamentarian, Henri Guaino, when he came up with his classic complaint at the beginning of the week.

Guaino, the speechwriter and special advisor to the former French president, Nicolas Sarkozy, has been a member of parliament for all of five minutes...

Oh all right then since June 2012.

The poor man obviously thinks he (and other members of the National Assembly) need better treatment - not for when they're retired mind you, but right now.

Parliamentarians are "very poorly paid," he said in an interview with a weekly magazine. "We work in deplorable conditions."

Add as many exclamation marks as you like to both of those preposterous statements.

Oh dear, oh dear. Guaino is obviously struggling on the €5, 148 net a month complemented by monthly expenses of up to €5,770 brut and then up to another €9,000 per month to recruit staff (their spouses?), pay for offices and a whole host of other goodies listed on the National Assembly's official site.



Anybody feel like starting a whip round for Guaino and co?

No?

Oh well.

Continued Happy hols and roll on the parliamentary rentrée (although we have each of the main parties summer conferences to look forward to next...that's if the heavily indebted UMP - cheekily and cleverly dubbed Union pour un mouvement pauvre by the weekly news magazine Le Point) can afford one.

French opposition UMP party as united as ever in perfect disharmony

Exciting news from France's opposition centre-right Union pour un Mouvement Populaire (Union for a Popular Movement, UMP).

Jean-François Copé and François Fillon have agreed to let members decide on whether to hold another vote for the post of party leader.

Breathe deeply before you read on. Some of what follows will be more than confusing.

The UMP is in a bit of a mess at the moment. Actually it has been for quite a while now.

For example, take its reaction (sorry to have to mention this again) to the anti same-sex marriage "Manif pour tous" march in Paris last weekend.

Among those taking part in the demonstration were the party's president, Jean-François Copé, Henri Guaino - a former speechwriter to Nicolas Sarkozy when he was in office and now a member of parliament in his own right - and Laurent Wauquiez, a former minister and a supporter of Copé's "defeated" challenger for the leadership of the party - François Fillon.

Notable by their absence though were Fillon himself, Alain Juppé - a former minister of just about anything you can think of and the current mayor of Bordeaux, and the party's likely candidate for next year's race to be mayor of Paris, Nathalie Kosciusko-Morizet (NKM).

Copé - ever the slick opportunist - was plainly using the demonstration as a means by which to protest against the current government and drum up support for the party in next year's local elections.

While for Guaino, it was clearly a matter of sticking to his principals - even if he had mistakenly voted in favour of the bill to allow same-sex marriage when it passed its final reading in parliament - and he was "proud" to have taken part.

Juppé, who unlike Guiano had managed to hit the right button and say "non" in the final vote - had previously stated he would be a no-show as the law had been passed and it had to be respected.

And NKM, who had abstained in the parliamentary vote, obviously had other more important issues on her mind namely that of the far-right Front National's call  to vote against her when polls open in the UMP's primary to choose its candidate for mayor of Paris.

Phew!

On the subject of "voting" that brings us back neatly to an issue that remains unresolved and illustrates the state of health of the party...the struggle for the leadership.

You thought it was over?

Wrong.

Jean-François Cope and François Fillon (screenshot from i>Télé report)

Remember Copé's glorious "victory" over Fillon in last year's battle when both men declared themselves to have won and how the party split in two for a while after claims of vote-rigging and fraud?

The debacle dragged on for weeks until the two men and their supporters managed to bury the proverbial hatchet (somewhere) and reach some sort of working agreement.

They created an internal structure stuffed to bursting point with vice presidents to represent the two very different directions the party was trying to take at the same time.

Even though Copé perhaps has had the upper hand - after all he's the one who holds the post of party leader - his legitimacy has been questioned, and the issue of whether to hold another vote has never really gone away...until now.

Because on Monday the two men announced a solution which will put an end to divisions within the party and steer it on a true red, white and blue course for the future.

They've agreed to let party members decide whether there should be another vote to choose the party president.

Yes in other words (and sorry, there's no way to make this clear without constant repetition) their recommendation is that party members vote in June on whether they should vote again in December.

Now doesn't that make complete and utter political (non)sense?

Pass the gin.

Henri Guaino's lesson on how to vote for same-sex marriage

Isn't there something deliciously comforting in the centre-right Union pour un Mouvement Populaire (Union for a Popular Movement, UMP) parliamentarian Henri Guaino voting in favour on Tuesday to legalise same-sex marriage in France.

After all, by any stretch of the imagination, Guaino could hardly have been described as a fervent supporter of the bill.

Quite the opposite actually.

Henri Guaino (screenshot from YouTube video)

Many and frequent were his statements in opposition to the bill, including most recently a call for those against, to take to the streets in protest against the government's decision to fast-track its final reading.

So how come, when crunch time came on Tuesday afternoon, Guaino voted with the government?

A sudden change of heart maybe or a revelation of some sort?

Neither as it turns out.

The man still described by much of the French media as former president Nicolas Sarkozy's "plume" for his political speechwriting skills might be able to turn a phrase or two with a pen.

But when it comes to pressing a button in an important parliamentary vote it seems he's just not up to the job.

Because Guaino and a fellow UMP party member and former education minister Luc Chatel, both apparently chose the wrong one.

"Did you see what a mess there was," Guaino said afterwards, confirming he had mistakenly voted in favour of the bill.

"I've never seen such chaos," added the first-time parliamentarian who only entered the National Assembly after last year's national elections.

"There were three buttons flashing, and yes, I pushed the wrong one. I'm going to see whether I can have my vote corrected."

Too bad heh?

Sugarbabes!

Alain Juppé - the man who would not be (UMP) president - well not yet, anyway

Well,  candidates seem to be lining up in the race to become president of the opposition centre-right Union pour un Mouvement Populaire (Union for a Popular Movement, UMP).

It's a post which of course became vacant ever since Nicolas Sarkozy was elected president (of France that is) in 2007 and the party decided not to replace him at the head of the UMP because he was considered morally to be the natural leader of the party as well.

With Sarkozy no longer around  - well he is, but he's retired, temporarily or otherwise, from active politics - morals seem to have gone out of the window and the position is up for grabs again, with many also viewing it as a launching pad for a 2017 presidential (of the country that is - gosh this is fast becoming confusing) bid.

The latest to enter the race is one of Sarkozy's former right hand men and so often described as his "ancienne plume" for his undoubted writing talents, Henri Guaino.

No, that's not an exhortation for a puerile play on words, tempting as it might be to the more Sun-inspired headline writers among us.

Instead it's a serious bid from a man who says he wants to stand in the name of Gaullism, thus presumably implying that the rest - and there are four of them so far - represent...um...something else other than Gaullism?

The 55-year-old, who has been an elected member of parliament for all of five minutes - oh all right then, since June 2012 - will now join (take a deep breath) François Fillon, Jean-François Copé, Nathalie Kosciusko-Morizet and Bruno Le Maire in an attempt to gain the support of 8,000 UMP members to be able to stand in the November elections.

Yes, in the name of democracy and transparency, these things take time in France, with party members voting in the first round on November 18 and, if necessary, in a second round head-to-head a week later on November 25.

Something to brighten up the short days and long nights of early autumn then.

One name missing from the list though is perhaps the man many feel could have made a difference in reuniting the different factions of the UMP without rocking the proverbial boat too much; a link with the recent past from Jacques Chirac through Sarkozy and the party's very first president when it was created from the various strands of the right and centre right in 2002 - Alain Juppé.

Alain Juppé (from Wikipedia)

All right, so Juppé is a man with a tarnished political reputation; a former prime minister under Chirac and a foreign minister under Sarkozy.

He also comes complete with the almost requisite (for French politics) conviction for mishandling public funds - which put his political career on hold for a couple of years but didn't stop him from making a comeback as mayor of Bordeaux and holding high office twice (albeit very briefly the first time around) while Sarkozy was president.

At 67, some might consider him a little long in the tooth for a job he has already held, but with experience and talent on his side, he could have been a plausible alternative for UMP members looking for a statesmanlike figure at the head of the party.

But no.

In that time-honoured tradition of many who have gone before him, Juppé followed the lead of the likes of Jacques Delors in 1994 when he decided not to run as the Socialist party's candidate for president the following year, or Jean-Louis Borloo last October when he went on national television to say he wouldn't be a candidate in this year's presidential elections, by also making also the headlines in announcing something he would not be doing - namely standing.

"A simple answer to a simple question - no," he replied when asked last week on national radio whether he would be a candidate for the post of UMP party president.

"I think it's important not to confuse roles by giving the impression that the party is choosing a candidate for the 2017 elections. That'll be decided by primaries I hope," he continued.

"The one thing I can do at the moment is to ensure that the competition between the candidates who have declared themselves so far is a fair and orderly one which doesn't create divisions."

Aha.

Damage limitation and words that don't necessarily rule out Juppé's potential interest in Higher Office.

Spoken like a real - French - politician. One who has seen and done just about everything and could still play a prominant political role in France's future.

Bring back the Juppettes?


Candidat à l'UMP ? "Non", répond Juppé par Europe1fr

Political parachuting – a French electoral tradition

The French will get to go the polls yet again – some of them twice -  in little under a month in parliamentary elections which could determine how much of a mandate the newly-elected president François Hollande will realistically have in pursuing his declared policies.

After all let’s not forget just how close the May 6 presidential run-off with Nicolas Sarkozy was: just over 1.1 million votes separated the two men and there were of course over two million blank votes.

Still a win is a win and Sarkozy has had praise heaped upon him for the dignified manner in which he has handled defeat.

Time then for the political parties to “tourner la page” as the French seem so fond of saying, and lock horns for the upcoming parliamentary elections.

France needs a proper opposition able to counterbalance the power of the Socialist party at local, regional, Senate and now presidential levels, runs the thinking behind the strategy of the centre-right Union pour un mouvement populaire (Union for a Popular Movement, UMP) party.

It wants to show that the choice of Hollande was the wrong one as his policies “threaten the sovereignty and independence of the country.”

Meanwhile the Socialists want the French to endorse their choice of Hollande with a strong showing for the party in the parliamentary elections.

All well and good – a campaign fought on issues and ideological differences.

Sounds great doesn’t it.

Except that ugly tradition of parachuting candidates into chosen constituencies threatens to make its usual mockery of the political process and take up more than its fair share of media time over the coming weeks.

First up of course there’s  Jean-Luc Mélenchon, fresh from his presidential first-round 11 per cent “triumph” and puffed up ego.

He seems to have conveniently forgotten that he’s an elected member of the European parliament for the southwest of France and has now turned his attention to a seat in the National Assembly.

And it’s not just any seat. It’s one at the other end of the country in Hénin-Beaumont  in the northern département of Pas-de-Calais: one also being contested by the Front National’s Marine Le Pen.

Far Left versus Far Right – a clash of the Titans.

“I’m standing here because there’s a battle of national and international significance,” he announced on Saturday, well aware how the decision will play with Le Pen and the French media.

He’s a wily politician.

But Mélenchon isn’t alone.

The UMP has (at least) two high-ranking members who are being given a helping hand by the party in their future aspirations.

Sarkozy’s prime minister throughout his five years in office, François Fillon reportedly has his eye on a future run for Mayor of Paris. For that of course he needs to have a base in the capital.

Little matter that he already has a parliamentary seat in the western département of Sarthe, one he has held since 1981. In June Fillon will be standing for a sure-thing in the seventh arrondissement in Paris.

And then there’s Henri  Guaino, Sarkozy’s right hand man and advisor at the Elysée for the past five years. He wants to continue his career in parliament and the UMP has decided to allow him to contest another safe seat  in the département of Yvelines just outside of the capital.

Hang about though, there’s a problem as the UMP already has a declared candidate in the form of Olivier Delaporte, a mayor in one of the towns covered by the constituency, and he’s more than miffed at being sidelined.

So much so that Delaporte is threatening to run against Guaino.

Ah yes. parliamentary elections and politics in France – most definitely an honorable affair in which the candidate out to make a political point (Mélenchon) or the one deemed most in need of an easy ride (Guaino) is allowed to do exactly that.

In the case of the latter, Just ask the Socialist party’s former culture minister and Keith Richard look-alike Jack Lang.

French give the thumbs up for Carla Bruni-Sarkozy as their first lady

As previously promised "another week, another poll" here in France.

But at least this one will probably put a smile on someone's face at the French president's official residence, the Elysée palace.

Actually both the head of state, Nicolas Sarkozy, and his wife might well be pleased because, as you've probably already guessed from the headline, according to a survey the French give the seal of approval to the country's first lady.

In a poll carried out on behalf of Sélection Reader's Digest, 55 per cent of those questioned said they thought that Carla Bruni-Sarkozy was more than up to the job.

And 65 per cent believed she was an asset to the president - food for thought perhaps for the governing centre-right Union pour un Mouvement Populaire (Union for a Popular Movement, UMP) party and the president himself, who has seen his popularity and approval ratings slip recently.

Not bad going then for the former model-turned singer and soon-to-be actress, who appears to have settled into the role as first lady with consummate ease since her marriage last year.

But what of that so-called "Carla effect", much mentioned in the media and indeed supported to an extent by those close to Sarkozy, such as one of his special advisors, Henri Guaino, who previously admitted that the first lady probably has some sort of influence over her husband?

While many French think she has undoubtedly has had a "softening" effect on the image and behaviour of their seemingly hyperactive and omnipresent president, they don't necessarily believe she has had an impact on his political decisions.

While 48 per cent think that Sarkozy might well listen to what his wife has to say on issues, 31 per cent think that she has no political influence whatsoever.

"Independent, diplomatic, sensual and sincere" were the adjectives that most often sprang to mind for many of those questioned when it came to describing Bruni-Sarkozy's "qualities".

But when it came to the traditional role of many a first lady - that of "charitable commitments" - a sizeable chunk (46 per cent) still had little idea of what she did.

And that in spite of her role as a global ambassador for the Geneva-based Global Fund to Fight AIDS, Tuberculosis and Malaria and the much-publicised red ribbons hung for the first time from two columns of the Elysée palace to mark World AIDS Day on December 1.