Snails, sardines and "helpful" police advice for Paris drivers

So this flashed up on Sytadin, a site some of those who live and work in Île-de-France might use to find out information on the traffic flow in and around Paris.


And just look at the helpful recommendations  La Préfecture de Police is offering drivers to avoid the tailbacks expected on the road as taxi drivers all but block access to Paris from both the major airports with their opération escargot which will see them driving at a snail's pace.

Screenshot Sytadin

"La Préfecture de Police conseille aux automobilistes, notamment en matinée, de différer leurs déplacements vers la Capitale ou d’emprunter le métro pour les résidents les plus proches de Paris."

Or summarised, they're advising motorists to try to leave at a different time (earlier) or take public transport.

Yep - as the first reports on breakfast telly showed, Wednesday is going to be a fun day with the opportunity of becoming intimately acquainted with complete strangers as those needing to get into Paris, are sardined into heaving métro carriages.

Still, there's always the train...or would be, if trade unions weren't on strike too meaning that there'll be a limited rail service.

screenshot BFM TV

Have a great day!

Let's play odds and evens - the French government's answer to dealing with high pollution levels in Paris

There's nothing like dealing with a problem when it occurs.

Just ask the French environment minister Philippe Martin.

Philippe Martin (screenshot TF1 news)

Parts of France have been hit by high pollution levels over the past four or five days because of (to put it very simply) the mix of "cold nights and warm days, which have prevented pollution from dispersing".

And what has the environment minister done to deal with the situation?

Well he has waited and watched, announcing that he was "working on sustainable measures to fight against pollution," (yadda, yadda, yadda) and that there would be "an announcement by the summer of a plan to protect the atmosphere of the areas most affected.'

Par for the course really from the man who took over the ministry after his predecessor Delphine Batho was sacked in July 2013, and has faced bad weather conditions with remarkably enterprising resolve coupled with the usual political platitudes

When heavy rain, thunderstorms and hail battered towns in Brittany for weeks on end, Martin was quick to give his expert opinion that "the flooding could be related to climactic disturbances."

Really? Now there's a novel concept.

And during the flooding in Var at the beginning of February, he took to a helicopter to "understand the reasons behind what had happened". How very reassuring.

In fact helicopters and having a look seemed to feature largely in Martin's method of helping out flood victims.

Anyway, back to the high pollution levels. Finally the government has taken a decision.

It announced on Saturday that Paris and its suburbs would be subjected to "alternate driving days" as of Monday because of the continued "high pollution levels" that were expected.

Jean-Marc Ayrault's office even issued a statement saying, "The prime minister is aware of the difficulties that this may cause to the everyday lives of Parisians, but this extra step is necessary."

And get this, Ayrault "trusted in the spirit of responsibility and citizenship of each and every person."

Hello! We're talking Parisians here, deservedly or not, hardly world-renowned for their civility.

The statement wasn't enough though. Martin had a sales job to do and up he popped on TF1 prime time news to give the reasons for decision and brandishing, in  "show and tell" fashion, two licence plates - both old and new - to explain the difference between an odd number and an even one.

Philippe Martin in "show and tell" mode (screenshot TF1 news)

"Public health is what most concerns us here and in spite of the measures taken since the beginning of the week (measures introduced by the local authority in Paris such as free public transport) there's a risk of another rise in pollution levels at the beginning of the week," he said.

"We had to take this decision and we're relying, of course on the responsibility of Parisians which will allow us to cope with the situation," he added, proving he had a) been briefed and b) read the prime minister's official statement before going on air.

 

Incomplete faction - Paris mayor announces new Marchelib' shoe sharing scheme

Do you live in or around Paris? Or are you thinking of a trip to the French capital?

Well here's some news for all those trying to make their way around the City of Light.

The mayor of Paris, Bertrand Delanoë, has plans to make it easier for you.

A bit wobbly on two wheels and still unsure as to whether you can defend yourself in the precarious bicycle lanes that have been squeezed out of the existing roads?

Fed up of going bumper-to-bumper and getting nowhere slowly on the Boulevard Périphérique, the ring road separating Paris from its suburbs?

Not keen on suffering unwanted, almost sexual, encounters while sardined into the Métro?

Delanoë,  has the answer.

First he gave us Vélib', the bicycle sharing system launched in the summer of 2007.

Then Delanoë introduced the electric car sharing Autolib' programme guaranteed to annoy any driver stuck behind one of those flippin' dinky toys and render even the most mild-mannered motorist (not easy in Paris) barmy.

And now he's planning to go one step further with the world's first ever shoe sharing scheme - Marchelib'.

The idea is a simple one: using the same pick up and drop off stations already available for Velib', Parisians, out-of-towners, visitors - in fact just about everyone - will be able to grab a pair of walking shoes or boots and strut their stuff happily through the City of Light.

The announcement came on Monday as part of a package of measures aimed at trying to reduce pollution levels in Paris - still too high at certain times of the year and which contravene EU regulations - and simultaneously piss off the maximum number of motorists.

Among the proposals are a reduction of the speed limit on the ever-flowing (as if) Boulevard Périphérique from 80km/h to 70km/h (as if), a ban all cars older than 17 years from the city centre (and drivers with less than 17 years of experience), the introduction of a péage, or toll, on the motorways immediately surrounding the capital to limit the number of trucks and the launch of Marchelib'.

"These propositions represent a new step in our battle against pollution," Delanoë said on RTL radio.

"Parisians have changed their habits in the past decade because we've dared (to introduce progressive policies) but pollution still remains a scourge," he continued.

Delanoë added that Marchelib' would not only help cut drastically the levels of pollution, it would also make Parisians fitter, healthier and give a boost to the economy by insisting that the shoes supplied would only be "Made in France".

The mayor, a prominent member of the Socialist party, said he would be talking to the government minister in charge of industrial renewal, Arnaud Montebourg, to help draw up a list of French cobblers who could meet the new schemes requirements.

Time to strut your stuff.

Take it away Nancy!

The art of parking badly - in a Paris métro station

Parisian drivers don't have the best of reputations.

They tend to drive as though they own the roads, only give way when forced to and heaven help you if you enter the Boulevard Périphérique ring road around the French capital and fail to go with the flow.

It ain't for the weak hearted!

(screenshot from AFP video)

When it comes to parking, Parisians are (almost) the proverbial law unto themselves.

The space is too small when parallel parking on the street?

Doesn't matter because with the gentlest of nudging it can of course be made larger.

That's right the space fits the car and not the other way around.

Of course there are always the underground alternatives, plenty of them actually.

And that's what one motorist was aiming for on Tuesday morning as he entered what he thought was the entrance to the Haussmann parking.

Except as the 26-year-old began easing his four wheel drive down the entrance he realised his mistake.

He was in fact (as you can see from the video) trying to make his way into the entrance of a Paris métro station!

French motorist "forgets" wife in the middle of the night

You've certainly heard of people abandoning animals on the side of the road - but rarely (surely) about a driver forgetting his partner.

It's apparently a true story worthy of the silly summer season and one which the national radio station RTL says is that of "an airhead at the wheel of a car".



A man somehow "left" his wife on the side of the road without realising she was missing.

It happened, according to Agence France Presse, in the wee (how appropriate - as will become clear in a moment) hours of Wednesday morning.

The couple were driving along a B road in the southwestern département of Tarn et Garonne and stopped just short of the village of Saint-Loup.

It's a pretty part of the country at this time of year with rolling hills and fields of sunflowers in full bloom and dotted with vineyards - not that the couple would have been able to see much as it was three o'clock.

Both apparently needed to pee and while the wife walked a little distance away from the car to do what was necessary, the husband was able to...well, let's just say it was easier for him.

Not surprisingly he was the first back and this is where the tale takes on those ridiculous proportions.

He "hit the road", driving off, seemingly not realising that he had left his wife behind!

For her part, she found herself barefoot and in the middle of nowhere without a mobile 'phone.

After walking some distance she knocked on the door of the first house she came upon, reports AFP, and only then was she able to call her errant husband, who returned to collect her - two-and-a-half hours later.

What's the betting he got something of an earful?

More details of the name, age and background of the "happy couple" when they become available, but it's somehow difficult to imagine the husband wanting any further information being made public.