The French male chauvinist's ideal Christmas present for his "other half"?

With Christmas (it's no good groaning, it's that time of year again) just over one month away, it's time perhaps to begin thinking about what you're going to buy your nearest and dearest.

And for the male chauvinists among you who might be looking for ideas as to what to offer your better/other half, her indoors, swmbo or whatever suitably clichéd term you might wish to use, Rowenta has come up with what could well be the "perfect" gift.

After all, it's clearly something only women use.

A vacuum cleaner.

Yes - it's THE thing made for HER!

At least if you're reading through the diagrammatic instructions that accompany the "made in France" Rowenta x-trem power aspirateur (that's your French word for the day. Try dropping it into a conversation. You'll definitely impress).

Now, neither the country of production (France) nor of the manufacturer (Germany) might seem particularly relevant until you cast an eye over (and this is admittedly a somewhat shaky and definitely laboured link to give this piece a semblance of up-to-date newsworthiness) the recent annual report from the World Economic Forum on the global gender gap.

It looks at gender quality worldwide in terms of education, work and health and ranks countries accordingly. As you might expect Germany at 12th position and France 16th rate reasonably well.

After all both are countries in which women's rights and gender equality are promoted - albeit with varying degrees of success.

Somehow though housekeeping and cleaning in this case (as far as Rowenta is concerned), are still apparently very much the domain of women.

How can you tell?

Well, it's back to those diagrammatic instructions - so handy as the written ones only come in nine different languages.

Because although the hand in the illustrations might well be considered to be androgynous enough to give the appearance that the instructions were for both men and women, those featuring the foot (figures 10 and 14) clearly give the game away.

Yep - that's definitely a woman's foot - or at least one clad in a woman's shoe.

So there you have it. A product aimed at, and to be used by, women.

Surely the ideal Christmas present "just for her".

So Messieurs, try stuffing that in the stocking or placing it wrapped at the foot of the Christmas tree and wait for the "squeals of joy and delight".

It'll be a Christmas you'll never forget.

The finger on the (Opel) Mokka button

Opel is currently featuring former (or is that still) German super model Claudia Schiffer in its television commercials, with the 44-year-old "captivating (in Opel's own words) TV audiences around Europe with her chic ‘It’s a German’ ad' campaigns for the Opel Astra, Meriva, Mokka and Zafira Tourer."

Claudia Schiffer (screenshot Opel Mokka clip)

A pretty wise choice as Schiffer has more than a touch of class, elegance and intelligence to her, and Opel - the German subsidiary of the US car manufacturer General Motors - has its own very definite (German) identity and reputation for reliability and style.

And that's a point driven (ouch) home in the "It's a German" campaign.

The commercial for the Mokka is one that has been appearing frequently on French tellies.

Perhaps that's not a surprise as the market for subcompact crossover SUVs is a tough one and includes two "homemade" French models: the Peugeot 2008 and the Renault Captur.


Anyway, if you're not concentrating particularly during the 30-second spot, you could be forgiven for thinking that Opel is being intentionally "equivocal" while also relying on (and simultaneously breaking) gender stereotypes.

Because there's the matter of whose finger is really pressing the car's hill descent control button.

Finger on the button (screenshot Opel Mokka clip)

It's obvious really, but the lack of dialogue-action continuity could have you thinking otherwise.

The "plot" for the commercial runs along the following lines.

Schiffer pulls into the entrance of an underground car park.

A (smooth) male attendant chauvinistically asks (the of course blonde and by implication incapable) Schiffer whether she'll manage it down the ramp in her Opel Mokka.

"It's pretty steep," he tells her. "Maybe you need some help".

"OK," replies Schiffer. "Would you mind pressing that button."

It's at this point that a perfectly manicured and nail-lacquered index finger is seen pressing the hill descent control button with the attendant looking surprised as he steps away from the car and Schiffer accelerates down the ramp.

And this is where you might do a double take.

As Schiffer asked the attendant to press the hill descent control button as a way of "helping her" does that mean that he obliged and the finger belonged to him?

Of course not. But there's enough ambiguity of continuity and dialogue in the French clip to make you think (especially if you hadn't been paying attention) that...well, anything might be possible.

So a quick check on both the English and German  versions reveals exactly the same dialogue and that finger pressing...which, although of course it must be Schiffer's could just be (for those who wish car manufacturers would surprise viewers a little more often by breaking with the clichés) the attendant's...oder?

A World Cup "dilemma" for François Hollande

All right, so "dilemma" might be a little bit of an exaggeration.

But hey. It's football (and politics). And hyperbole is pretty much par for the course in both domains.

All the same, how about "quandary"?

Yup, "François Hollande's World Cup quandary".

You see, the French president can't have helped but notice the  increasing popularity of Les Bleus during their first three games of the World Cup tournament in Brazil, especially after their convincing wins against Honduras and Switzerland (we'll forget that goalless draw with 10-man Ecuador).

The talk in the French media was about "team spirit" and "the players' pride in representing their country" with the folk back home tuning in by the millions to follow their exploits on telly.

Ah yes. Apparently the French had (and have) falllen in love with their football team once again: to such an extent that some people actually see them as being capable of winning the whole thing.

Meanwhile Hollande watches from the sidelines, or the Elysée palace - just as he did during a soirée he organised; the sumptuous setting and giant-sized screen more "gauche" than "bling bling" and rather spoilt by his constant (caught-on -camera) snacking throughout the game.

Still, "President Normal" and all that.

Anyway, that's all an aside (and a long-winded one at that).

The "quandary" for the French president is when and, indeed even, if he should make an appearance in Brazil, and how that might be interpreted.

Of course, Hollande doesn't have the same sort of PR savvy as the German chancellor Angela Merkel.

She's an "old hand", so to speak, at managing to show how "in touch" she is with what makes a footballing nation tick (during the World Cup) and could be seen in the stands during Germany's opening game, cheering on die Mannschaft as they made mincemeat of Portugal.

Angela Merkel at the World Cup (screenshot Newsloop video YouTube)

And to top it off, Merkel then had a photo op' in the dressing room with the players.

Smart lady - and smart move.

Hollande, in contrast, was last seen with the French squad in Clairefontaine as they prepared for their World Cup campaign.

There was plenty of humour, although it all looked a little awkward at times during the photoshoot with the players which left the president looking rather...er...portly and "buffoonly".

But that's perhaps being unfair as there's nothing wrong with not being quite the right shape. After all, how many of us really are?

Since then, nothing much. Well just that ostentatious "soirée". And no real sign that Hollande is about to fly to Brazil to support Les Bleus.

Yes, he has a packed agenda - most political leaders do. But he could have followed Merkel's example and "played safe" by putting in an appearance during the group stage.

After all, the tournament and the group match schedules were published months ago.

Instead Hollande now faces the risk of turning up during the knock out stage when his presence at the country's defeat (should it happen) could well be interpreted as a "jink".

Yes it's (more than) a stretch of the imagination, and there's no way that Hollande's attendance would contribute to the outcome, but that wouldn't stop the more unkindly drawing a link between the two.

Apparently the French president has pencilled in a "surprise (you have to wonder how much of one it will be) visit" should Les Bleus make it through to the quarterfinals after their next match against Nigeria.

The only problem (oh, life can be so cruel sometimes) is that if all goes true to form and planning, France's opponents in the quarterfinal match would be...Germany.

Normandy is somewhere near Germany and I don't know what the Holocaust was - US college students and World War II history

Hitler was leader of Amsterdam, Normandy is near Germany and the Holocaust was 300 years ago - just some of the answers Rhonda Fink-Whitman received from Pennsylvania students when she asked them about World War II and matters relating to it, in her video.

Rhonda Fink-Whitman (screenshot from "94 maidens - the mandate video)

Fink-Whitman's goal was to show how big a gap there was in students' knowledge of modern history, and in particular those who had gone through the public school system - not matter how bright and articulate" they might appear.


She didn't set out with the intention to "embarrass, humiliate or shame anyone" but rather to show how public schools in the United States are failing to teach pupils about the Holocaust.

On the evidence of the answers given in the video, Fink-Whitman seems to have a point.

She doesn't say whether there were students around who could answer the questions.

But there were more than enough who gave what can only be viewed as jaw-dropping responses or simply claimed ignorance with an "I don't know".

Admittedly the video is a bit long and becomes somewhat predictable, but still...these are today's young American adults who've clearly not been taught the rudiments of modern history.

And it's not their fault - it's all down to the education system...or lack thereof.



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4V4bmm6yJMw#t=760

Le prang

I've admitted before that I'm not exactly the world's best driver.

Probably fair to middling would be the best description with parking remaining my weakest point.

Well that and negotiating ramps leading to and from underground car parks.

But that is ground well trodden - or not so well driven  - as the case may be.

As far as accidents go? Well, I've been pretty fortunate over the years.

I've only had one major incident. It happened almost two decades ago on a long drive back from Florence in Italy to Frankfurt in Germany.

I was in Switzerland late at night, clearly driving too quickly given the pouring rain conditions, with dogs in the back and my late mother in the passenger seat.

It was nothing too dramatic, just a one vehicle (mine) accident ending up in the middle of the motorway, the car written off and my dear old ma (unhurt) asking, "So can we continue now?"

Apart from that, nothing. Not even a bump or a dent (I don't consider that Paris underground ramp affair to have been an accident, rather a moment or two of close contact involving a borrowed clunker - well it resembled one by the time I had finished - and the walls of a car park).

Give the man a prize.

Until last week, that is.

Because that's when I had the "prang".

Of course it wasn't my fault - these sorts of things never are, are they?

But in the eyes of the law and for insurance purposes, it was.

After a dash around the supermarket and the less-than-15-items till, because these places are not the temples of delight for me that they seem to be for many others, I made my way back to my car.

Leaving the car park, I found myself behind a woman driving at less than five kilometres an hour with a couple of stalled engines thrown in for good measure.

I kept my distance, ready - I thought - for the next unexpectedly sudden stop.

But as we both approached the roundabout, I failed to anticipate that she would decide to come to a complete halt for no reason at all.

Even though there was nothing coming (although she later claimed otherwise) Clarice - for that turned out to be her name - slammed her foot on the brake.

I didn't.

It was the gentlest of bumps but enough to have us both jump out of our repective cars to inspect the damage.

Mine was unscathed - apart from a slightly buckled registration plate, while hers...well it seemed to have "suffered" the smallest of dents beneath the rear bumper, but one which looked suspiciously "older" to me.

I said as much, along with a few well chosen but polite (honestly) words on the level of her driving skills.

Clarice though, remained convinced that the blame lay fairly and squarely with me. She had stopped because of oncoming traffic and I was clearly in the wrong because I had driven into her.

"Isn't that right Gladys?" she said to her friend who had been sitting in the passenger seat.

Gladys didn't look entirely convinced, but nodded in circumspect agreement.

And then the official fun began.

Neither of us had a copy of the wonderfully named (in French) constat amiable d'accident automobile (accident report) in the car (I had recently had the annual clear-out and must have chucked it) required for insurance purposes if the accident is minor and the two parties involved decide to come to an amicable agreement.

Clarice didn't have one either because...well the reason will become clearer in a moment.

So what to do?

Well first of all, I took a couple of photos of the position of both cars when the two joined in unholy "bumplock".

Friendly enough after the initial "shock", Clarice didn't think much of my idea of driving together to the nearest insurance agent to request a form to fill out together.

Instead she wanted to call her husband for advice on what to do.

He, however, was unavailable.

So in true "Qui veut gagner des millions" ("Who wants to be a millionaire") style, Clarice opted to ring a close friend who convinced her that we should all make our way to the police municipale where we could sort it out.

The "amicable agreement" looked set to turn in to a major (road) incident: the main protagonists - that slightly bent registration plate and the dubious dent.

So off to the police municipale we headed. I led the way, as something told me that I would be better off in front of Clarice rather than behind her.

As luck would have it, and this being France, the police municipale had, of course, shut up shop for the day, although there was a contact number for emergencies.

I kept quiet, fearing the worst.

But the now emboldened Clarice had a "better" solution - and that without 'phoning a friend.

"The gendarmerie!" she exclaimed.

"We can go there and report the incident. Plus they'll have all the necessary forms available."

Gladys and I exchanged looks as though we sensed that this would prove to be yet another over-the-top reaction, but Clarice was not a woman to be stopped. She was in full quest mode...justice.

Besides, I wasn't in the mood for an argument and so, off we set.

A few moments later we all walked in to the gendarmerie compound to be greeted by a young man dragging on the remnants of a cigarette.

Explanations quickly made, he told us that the constat was all we really needed, whereby we could agree what had happened, countersign and then complete details of our own version of events for our respective insurance companies.

As for the constat - he didn't have one. We didn't have one. Did we really want to fill out an official report for something so minor?

"No," I thought, as providence once again stepped in, this time in the form of a call from Clarice's husband.

Her saviour. My saviour. He had a spare constat and would make his way into town so that we could finally reach that agreement which had Clarice had been so unwilling to accept in the first place.

We all bid farewell to the gendarme who wished us a pleasant evening and waited.

The 15 minutes Monsieur Husband of Clarice said he would need to arrive eventually turned into half an hour but, once he appeared, I quickly discovered I had an ally.

"Honey - again?" he  said, looking at his wife as he introduced himself to me.

I looked at him.

I looked at Clarice

"Again? I asked

"Yes, this is the third time in as many months," he replied.

I returned my gaze to Clarice, who preferred to look away sheepishly.

As Monsieur Husband of Clarice and I completed the tedious task of detaling what had happened and answering what seemed like a multitude of questions, his wife remained understandably quiet.

She no longer contested my version of events which, I knew, would not exonerate me in terms of the insurance claim.

And that suspicious dent?

Well that'll be for the insurance company to decide. They have the photos and the completed constat.

Sure, I'll have to drive extra carefully for the next five years apparently if I want to recover my no claims bonus.

On past form, that shouldn't be too much of a problem...unless I happen to "bump" into the likes of Clarice on the road.

But at least now, even though it's not a legal obligation in France, I've got a copy of the constat in the car...just in case.

Jean-Marc Ayrault's "productively awful" German gaffe

It can happen to the best (and the worst) of us can't it?

A slip-of-the-tongue while speaking another language - or even our own come to that.

Usually it's both amusing and perhaps a little embarrassing; a quick smile and a laugh will make light of it though.

But sometimes there's maybe something more...er...significant about the mistake...as though subcosnciously we're really thinking what has inadvertently just come out of our mouths.

Take the case of the French prime minister, Jean-Marc Ayrault, during his two-day trip to Germany this week.

He came out with a gaffe that could be...well revealing?

Jean-Marc Ayrault (screenshot TF1 clip)

Now as we all know relations between France and Germany are not the easiest at the moment.

The so-called two powers of the European Union - well at least the Euro - seem to have been dancing the unprettiest of jigs around one another, at least since François Hollande became president of this country.

To the rescue comes Ayrault, a former German teacher, ergo fluent in the language and well capable of reading out a prepared statement (yawn) in German in front of the invited entrepreneurs.

Not!

Because he clearly either couldn't read his own handwriting or actually wanted to say what he did when he substituted the word "fructbar" (literally "fruitful" or "productive") with  "furchtbar" ("terrible" or "awful") in describing how he wanted the discussion and exchange of ideas with the German chancellor Angela Merkel to proceed.

He didn't even bother correcting himself!

Er M. Ayrault, a word of advice perhaps.

Stick to French the next time and let the interpreters do their work.

Schönes Wochenende

En Allemagne, Ayrault parle de la France… en allemand (vidéo) Vidéo LCIWAT sélectionnée dans Actualité

What chance for France at Eurovision when up against Gramps and Grans?

It's admittedly a couple of months until that annual musical jamboree the Eurovision Song Contest takes place but it's already making the news as participating countries decide who they'll be sending to represent them in Baku.

Yes - as an aside - this year's "musical jamboree" will take place in the capital of Azerbaijan (break out the atlas) thanks to that country's win last year.

Anggun (screenshot from television interview with LCI)

And following hot on the heels of the United Kingdom's decision to send Engelbert Humperdinck to sing his lungs out, Russia has now decided to uphold a long Eurovision tradition by choosing a song to represent it which surely...er...is taking the Michael (that's putting it politely).

And France?

Well it just doesn't seem to be able to treat the "cultural event of the year" in quite the manner those inverted commas would deem appropriate.

Rather than relying on humour, it seems to take the whole affair far too seriously.

Granted, back in 2007 France sent Les Fatals Picards along to represent it in Helsinki with "L'amour à la française", but after only managing 22nd (out of 24 in the final) seemed to realise that perhaps the rest of Europe didn't "get" the French touch at being lighthearted.

So the Powers that Be at France television, realising that it had perhaps made an error, took the choice of who would represent the country away from viewers and reverted to the tradition of appointing an artist who would carry the colours in a manner more befitting the country's (ahem) musical heritage and cultural diversity

There followed, in order, Sébastien Tellier (2008, 19th in Serbia), Patricia Kaas (2009, eighth in Russia), Jessy Matador (2010, 12th in Norway) and Amaury Vassili (2011, 15th in Germany).

Following up on Vassili's dreadfully awful or awfully dreadful "Sognu" from last year, which bookies (at least as far as the French were reporting) ranked among the favourites but only managed in the singer's words a "shitty finish" it's the turn of Indonesian-born Anggun to try her luck.

While the United Kingdom will be sending along ageing crooner Engelbert Humperdinck, who'll be 76 by the time the contest comes around, and Russia has just chosen a bunch of grannies Buranovskiye Babushki (try saying that after a few vodkas) to, in the words of the song "Party for everybody" (see video), France is pinning its hopes on a serious singer with international success and appeal who has already "conquered France and Europe" according to her official bio and won umpteen awards.



Ah yes. But this is Eurovision, an event which has brought millions of viewers such memorable moments as Stefan Raab "ridiculing the ridiculous" as Terry Wogan put it for Germany in 2000 with "Wadde hadde dudde da" or Ireland's Dustin the turkey reminding everyone that "he comes from a nation what knows how to write a song" in 2008 with "Irelande douze pointe"
and Finland's Lordi head banging their way to victory in 2006 with "Hard Rock Hallelujah" (you can click on the links to jog your memory).

What chance does Anggun's "Echo (You and I)" stand especially when up against the gramps and grans of the UK and Russia?

Is Germany's Angela Merkel leading a "boycott François Hollande" pact?

How could anyone think such a thing?

Of course there's absolutely no substance to the report in the German weekly news magazine Der Spiegel that some European leaders have agreed collectively "not to meet the French Socialist party's presidential candidate, François Hollande, when he comes to their respective countries."

François Hollande (screenshot BFM TV news report)

The agreement, according to the magazine, is between Germany's chancellor Angela Merkel and the prime minister of Italy and Spain, Mario Monti and Mariano Rajoy.

They've apparently promised to snub Hollande because of "his plans to renegotiate the treaty on tighter budget discipline for the euro zone."

And just for good measure, the United Kingdom's prime minister, David Cameron is also party to the alleged "pact", even though he didn't sign up to the treaty.

But it can't possibly be true because Berlin has denied the suggestion of the existence of an anti-Hollande pact as the German news channel n-tv reports.

A government spokeswoman told the channel that, "It's up to each individual government leader to decide whether to meet Hollande. So far in Germany, there has been no date fixed."

Aha. That's all right then.

Everyone can forget about that appearance Merkel made with the French president Nicolas Sarkozy on French television's prime time news as a sign of solidarity for the work the two had put in to saving Europe.

After all, Sarkozy wasn't officially a candidate at the time - that came a matter of days later - and Merkel seemed happy to throw her weight behind a man who is, after all, more-or-less in the same broad political family.

Nothing untoward or inappropriate there then.

And David Cameron not meeting Hollande when the Socialist party candidate was in London recently to woo the many French voters who live on the other side of the Channel and put the minds of the City at rest - well, once again that was completely understandable.

In theory at least, Cameron is on the same political wavelength as Sarkozy, so it's obvious he would support the current French president in his bid for re-election and to paraphrase, it's "just not cricket" (or goes against protocol) to meet candidates during an election period (although it's quite all right to offer support as he did to Sarkozy in an interview with Le Figaro a couple of weeks ago).

So it's not snubbing Hollande by any means. Merkel and Cameron et al are quite at liberty to decide who they support and meet; there's absolutely no obligation to even to appear diplomatic and objective.

But wait.

Is that a murmur of disagreement and a word or two of caution from someone highly placed within Merkel's own government?

Surely not.

Yes it is.

And it comes from none other than the German foreign minister and the former leader of the Freie Demokratische Partei (the Free Democratic Party, FDP) currently Merkel's coalition partner in government, Guido Westerwelle.

In an interview with the Sunday edition of the German national daily Die Welt, Westerwelle, while not directly addressing the reports of an implied pact, had a few words of advice for his own country's politicans.

"I would advise all German parties to exercise restraint," he said.

"The party-political debate in Germany is not one that should be transferred to France and the government is not part of the French election campaign," he said.

"We've worked very well with the current French government but we also should also make it clear that we would work closely with any government French voters choose."



Hollande boycotté par les principaux dirigeants... par BFMTV

A kiss of joy - French striker Olivier Giroud plants one on teammate Mathieu Debuchy

There's no more emotional way of showing feelings than a kiss - is there?

Well not if you happen to be a football player where kissing a fellow player could be misinterpreted.

After all there's something of a taboo surrounding homosexuality in the so-called Beautiful Game, and although Uefa has thrown its weight behind national campaigns to stamp out homophobia, most would agree there's still a lot of work that needs to be done.

Just last month for example, Uefa was urged to take action over Real Madrid manager José Mourinho's apparent homophobic slur before his side's Champions League match against CSKA Moscow.

But that's all rather an aside to an event that occurred last week during a friendly international between Germany and France.

It concerned the 25-year-old Ligue 1 Montpellier striker Olivier Giroud, making only his third appearance for Les Bleus in a game which would see him score his first international goal.

Giroud netted the ball after another relative newcomer to the team, Mathieu Debuchy a 26-year old midfielder from the current French champions Lille, passed to him.

Olivier Giroud kisses teammate Mathieu Debuchy (screenshot ZDF television)

And what happened next was a clear show of camaraderie and excitement as the two men shared a full-on smacker.

Well from the camera angle it seemed to be more Giroud kissing Debuchy than the other way round.

It was a moment which, while it left the German commentators completely unfazed - as you can tell (if you speak the language) they just kept on talking, wondering how Germany would react...to the goal that is - seems to have plenty of "tongues wagging" on the Net.

Some of the headlines and comments were perhaps only to be expected and included phrases such as "French kissing" (yawn) or "Gay celebration" (even bigger yawn).

But any idea that the gesture was anything other than a complete expression of joy, especially on the part of Giroud, are surely wildly exaggerated.

Kissing another man in France - or in much of mainland Europe come to that - doesn't have the same sort of schoolboy-giggly innuendo it might have in say the United States or Britain.

It's just...well "normal" for want of a better word and definitely acceptable.

No big deal really and quite endearing - n'est-ce pas?

By the way, France won the friendly 2-1.

German skit of Merkozy "Rescue summit or Euros for No One"

Now it definitely helps if you speak German for a video that has become something of a hit on YouTube ever since it was first posted on December 28.

Merkozy (screenshot from YouTube clip)

It's a parody of a comedy skit broadcast twice every New Year's Eve on German television.

The original is "Dinner for One", a 1963 sketch featuring British comedian Freddie Frinton as James the butler and May Warren as Miss Sophie, who has sadly outlived all her friends but insists on celebrating her 90th birthday party in style...with places set for each of her guests.

Frinton serves each absent guest a drink with every course and raises a toast to the birthday girl on behalf of those invited.

The result is predictable. Frinton becomes ever tipsier until the final scene in which he is about to escort Warren upstairs with the "hilarious" lines,

"Same procedure as last year Miss Sophie?" asks Frinton.

"The same procedure as every year James," replies Warren.

"Well, I'll do my very best," responds Frinton with a saucy wink and a "Good night."

Perhaps it's a German thing, but it has most definitely become an annual institution.

Some bright spark at ARD, one of Germany's two national public broadcasters, though decided to update the whole thing and make it more...well relevant to a modern-day audience.

Satirist Udo Eling of the channel's Morgenmagazin decided to superimpose the heads of French president Nicolas Sarkozy on James the Butler and...well you've probably guessed the other "character" - Germany's chancellor, Angela Merkel as Miss Sophie.

The dialogue is different of course focussing on the relationship of the two who're often collectively called "Merkozy" in the media.

And "absent friends" include the former prime ministers Greece and Spain, Giorgios Papandreou and José Luis Rodríguez Zapatero as well as UK prime minister David Cameron. Italy's Silvio Berlusconi wasn't invited.

The last line of the parody which has Sarkozy fawning to Merkel, described earlier in the sketch as the "only real statesman Europe has to offer" has the French president asking as they mount the staircase, "Madame Merkel, this time without Eurobonds?"

"Yes of course," she replies.

"As always without Eurobonds."

To which Sarkozy responds, "I'll give you my Triple A Madame Merkel."

Well, maybe it sounds funnier in German.

Enjoy?



And the original "Dinner for One" just in case you're up for it.

Toutou rista - the Doggie Doo poop-scooping game in France

Not sure how to keep the children entertained at Christmas?

Well family games manufacturer Goliath thinks it has the answer with the release in France of Toutou rista.

Toutou rista (screenshot from promotional video)

It's the French version of the same game launched on an unsuspecting German, Spanish and Dutch market last year.

In Germany, under the name of Kackel Dackel it was a huge hit with the promotional video going viral.

None the wiser?

Well perhaps the English name will give the game (sorry) away as it's also being released in the United Kingdom and The United States under the name of Doggie Doo.

It's a game which "aims to teach children how to take care of dogs with poop-scooping gameplay" and French toy industry magazine La revue du jouet named it best infant toy game in France for 2011.

"Feed and walk your little pup, when he makes a mess you clean it up," says the game's manufacturer, Goliath.

"The first player who has 3 pieces of dog mess on his shovel wins the game."

The rules are simple although they include the rather...er...worrying extra remark, "You can only pick up the dog’s mess when it has fallen on the table. When it is hanging outside the end of the dog, just tap him on the back until it drops."

Charming!

Enough said.

Europe...according to bigots

Now this should make you smile.

The maps reproduced here are a timely reminder, given the state of the Eurozone and the protracted attempts to deal with the debt crisis, of just how much we all generalise about the characteristics of other countries.

Europe according to France (creative commons: alphadesigner)

They're the work of Bulgarian-born graphic designer Yanko Tsvetkov who uses the pseudonym alphadesigner because, as he says, "that usually makes people think what I do is really important. That's why I chose it."

Europe according to France, Germany, Britain, the United States and others are part of the appropriately entitled project which has produced Mapping Sterotypes, the ultimate bigot's calendar of Europe.

Of course they're purely satirical and rely on clichés and stereotypes.

But isn't there also a revealing element of truth in showing us how ignorant and intolerant we often are of one another?

It helps if you know your European geography a bit...er...on the other hand, perhaps it doesn't matter a jot.

The 2012 calendar is available online now, although sadly it doesn't include Berlusconi's "vision" but there again you could alway order that as a tee-shirt, mug or poster.


Take a look at alphadesigner's site. Who knows, you might even find the ideal (dare it be said) Christmas present for your (least) favourite bigot.

Europe according to Britain

Europe according to Britain (creative commons: alphadesigner)

Europe according to the USA

Europe according to the United States (creative commons: alphadesigner)

Europe according to Spain

Europe according to Spain (creative commons: alphadesigner)

Europe according to Germany

Europe according to Germany (creative commons: alphadesigner)

Europe according to Greece

Europe according to Greece (creative commons: alphadesigner)

And finally, Europe according to Berlusconi

Europe according to Berlusconi (creative commons: alphadesigner)

Yvonne, Germany's runaway cow, is safe and happy

After three months "on the run" Yvonne - Germany's "fugitive" cow - is safe and happily reunited with her son and sister and enjoying a new life at an animal sanctuary in southern Germany.

Yvonne, Germany's runaway cow (screenshot from Guardian website)

Yvonne's story is one that has captured the imagination of both the German and international media over the past couple of months ever since she, in the words of NPR, "Darted to freedom just as she was about to be sent to the slaughterhouse."

After 98 days on the run, she has finally been captured.

Actually, to be absolutely precise and, in spite of all the attempts German authorities have made to find her, Yvonne "gave herself up" when she wandered into the meadow of a farmer last week.

Yes, a silly summer story with a happy ending.




Yvonne, a six-year-old dairy cow, first hit the headlines back in May when broke through an electric fence of a farm in the village of Zangberg, 80 kilometres northeast of Munich.

She had been due to be sent for slaughter.

Her exact whereabouts remained a mystery for the next three months although she was believed to be "in hiding" somewhere in a nearby forest.

At one point she was spotted crossing a road, almost colliding with a police car, which led to the local authority giving hunters the go-ahead to shoot on sight because she was reportedly a potential threat to traffic.

It was an order they later overturned after animal rights groups protested and the national daily tabloid Bild Zeitung took up her cause.

The paper offered a €10,000 reward for anyone who could find her, and kept the story alive with regular updates.

The Gut Aiderbichl animal sanctuary also stepped in, stumping up €700 to buy Yvonne from her former owners and taking the lead in the search to find her; and it resorted to some extraordinary measures.

They included enlisting the help of her sister Waltraut, who had also made a dash for freedom when Yvonne disappeared but had later returned, to lure her out of hiding.

And the services of Ernst, the so-called "George Clooney of bulls" to woo her home with his "deep baritone moo".

Ernst the bull (screenshot from ZDF news report)

They also called upon the "skills" of an animal communications expert from Switzerland, Franziska Matti, to tempt Yvonne to return.

But as Matti said after she had "spoken" to the cow (telepathically of course) "Yvonne was not ready to come out of hiding" and even though "she knew that Ernst had been waiting for her she was scared and thought that humans would lock her up and she would no longer be free."

Huh!



Yvonne remained elusive - until last week that is when she wandered on to a meadow of farmer Karl Gutmann to join the rest of his grazing herd.

He informed the Gut Aiderbichl animal sanctuary who confirmed it was Yvonne by her ear tag.

Gutmann claimed his reward and Yvonne headed off to spend the rest of her days with her son Friesi and her sister at the animal sanctuary in the southern Bavarian town of Deggendorf.

But, even though Gut Aiderbichl says on its website that she has arrived safe and sound and is settling in, it wasn't exactly been an easy job loading her on to the transporter.

True to her reputation apparently, she struggled and even pushed over the vet who was trying to tranquilise her.

Friday's French music break - Bob Sinclar featuring Raffaella Carrà, "Far l'amore"

Friday's French music break this week breathes new life into a real blast from the past.

It's French DJ Bob Sinclar's remake of Raffaella Carrà's humongous hit throughout Europe in 1977 "A far l'amore comincia tu".

Screenshot from Bob Sinclar's video "Far l'amore"

Doesn't mean anything to you?

Then try the French version "Puisque tu l'aimes dis-le lui" or perhaps the German "Liebelei".

There's also the Spanish "En El Amor Todo Es Empezar".

Still doesn't ring any bells?

Raffaella Carrà back in 1977 (screenshot from YouTube video "Do it, do it again")

Well if you're of a certain age, you'll definitely remember it in English - Carrà's one and only hit in the United Kingdom, "Do it, do it again".

Yes it's the same song, sung in four different languages. Little wonder it sold so well way back then.

Anyway back to Sinclar's revamped club version for 2011 and it's...er...high camp at its most ostentatious, at least as far as the video is concerned.

Wonderful!

Screenshot from Bob Sinclar's video "Far l'amore"

The 42-year-old (whose real name is Christophe Le Friant) along with David Guetta, Martin Solveig and Laurent Wolf is one of a handful of French DJs to have made a name for themselves internationally.

His biggest hit to date was his 2005 release "Love generation" which topped the charts throughout most of Europe in 2006 and was the best-selling single of that year in Germany, thanks largely to it being used throughout the Fifa World Cup which the country hosted.

Sinclar might be all about bringing that French house beat to clubs, but he's a "nostalgic at heart"...well at least if his official biography is to be believed....who "has never ceased to be that curious adolescent transported by music, building his universe from rhythms that take him to another place."

Let's see, adolescent...42 years old...born in 1969, so he was eight when Carrà was strutting her stuff around Europe in the tightest of 70s fashion, tra-la-la-ing her way through "Do it, do it again" and messing up her blond bob as she dipped forward while performing the "boom boom" (check out the video) refrain.

Whatever, the song is fun, It's great to hear that Carrà - who has had a successful singing, acting and TV presenting career both at home in Italy and abroad - is more than just the one-hit wonder many British (who have memories going back that far) might have mistakenly credited her with.

And at 68, why shouldn't she still be getting today's generation on to the dancefloor?

Annecy crosses its fingers for 2018 Winter Olympic bid

The Good, the Bad and the Ugly of the International Olympic Committee (IOC) will be gathering in the South African city of Durban on Wednesday to decide which city will host the 2018 Winter Games.

In the running still are three bids; Pyeongchang in South Korea, Munich in Germany and Annecy , the picturesque "Venice of the Alps" in the Rhône-Alpes region of southeastern France.

(screenshot from official video)

The French candidature has been beset by problems, not least of which was the resignation in December 2010 of the president of its bid committee, former Olympic medallist Edgar Grospiron, because he feared the city couldn't stump up enough money to be successful in securing the games.

A replacement was eventually found in the form of French businessman Charles Beigbeder who remains upbeat about Annecy's chances even though most pundits rank them as pretty slim.

"Anything is possible," Beigbeder told Europe 1 radio on Wednesday morning.


"There are still three candidates in the running and the president of the IOC, Jacques Rogues, has said that they're all strong bids," he continued.

"Hosting the games is not just about business," he said.

"The Games is an opportunity for the Olympic movement to fulfil its mission of transmitting sporting values to the entire world."

Doesn't that sound like the speech of a man who reckons he's on the losing side?

As the weekly news magazine Le Point says, international leaders turning up at the final presentation in front of the IOC to support a bid has paid dividends in the past; Tony Blair for the 2012 London Olympic, Vladimir Poutin for the 2014 Winter Games in Sotchi and Lula (Luiz Inácio Lula da Silva) supporting Rio's 2016 Summer Games success.

The French president, Nicolas Sarkozy, has chosen to stay away from Wednesday's presentation, a move which the magazine says some (cynics) might interpret as not wanting to be associated with a "loser" ahead of next year's presidential election.

Nothing could be further from the truth as far as Beigbeder is concerned.

'The president has always supported our bid and has written to each member of the IOC personally - which is very rare," he said.

'The prime minister, François Fillon will be making part of the presentation and we're proud of the team we've built," he continued.

"We are confident, determined and humble because we know it'll be difficult. But anything is possible."

Bonne chance.

At least Annecy cannot lose to Qatar!


Carte-postale-sport par annecy-2018

Store manager rescues girl from car - father threatens to file a complaint

It has been hot in France over the past couple of days - very hot.

Temperatures have climbed as high as 40 degrees Celsius in some parts of the country.

(from Wikipedia , author: Lykaestria)

Not only is it inadvisable to leave child alone in a car, it's also dangerous and neglectful.

Everyone surely knows that it's not only inadvisable to leave a child unattended in a car, it's also dangerous as the temperature inside can be life-threatening, even with the windows open.

Some parents though appear to "know better" as in the case of a German couple over the weekend in the town of Villeneuve-lès-Béziers in the south of France.

They left their three-year-old daughter alone in their vehicle in the car park of a supermarket while they went about shopping.

Other customers noticed her by herself in the four-wheel drive and informed the store's management who made three announcements (two in French and one in German) asking the owners of the vehicle to come to the information desk immediately.

There was no response.

In the meantime the store's deputy director, Vincent Touya, had gone out to the car park to see for himself what state the girl was in, and even though the car windows were open slightly, as he told the regional daily, Midi Libre, he had to take immediate action.

"She seemed to be all right but the car was in full sun and the outside temperature was already 30 degrees," he told the newspaper.

"I put in a call to the emergency services and they told me I had to get her out of the car at once," he continued.

"So I took a hammer and broke the window. She was bright red, sweating heavily and when I took her in my arms her hair was soaked as though she had just taken a shower."

He carried the girl into the store and gave her some water and food.

A happy ending and Touya a hero!

Well that's what you would think.

Somehow the parents weren't of the same opinion.



Il secourt un enfant, ses parents portent... par Europe1fr

They were eventually found and according to Touya didn't appear in the least concerned - quite the opposite.

"The mother just continued shopping and filling her trolley," he told Europe 1 radio.

"And the father looked at me as though I were guilty of something."

But it gets worse.

Far from admitting any negligence, the parents insisted that their daughter had been asleep in the car and they hadn't wanted to wake her.

"There wasn't a word of thanks from either of them and the father even said he would file a complaint against me because I had broken the window of his four-wheel drive," said Touya.

"Everyone else in the store was outraged."

Carla Bruni-Sarkozy baby rumour and the fawning journalist

Is she or isn't she? Speculation that France's first lady, Carla Bruni-Sarkozy, is pregnant has been circulating for several weeks now.

Carla Bruni-Sarkozy (screenshot from TF1 news)

Of course she has given interviews and steadfastly refused to comment on what for her "is a private matter" but that hasn't prevented journalists from asking her - directly or indirectly depending on their style.

Except for one - "journalist" that is (and there's a reason for using the inverted commas).

Jean-Pierre Pernaut is, among other things, the anchor of the lunchtime news programme on TF1.

He is, to put it politely, not exactly the most hard-hitting of journalists, preferring a cosy, non-confrontational and almost ingratiating style when he has a guest in the studio.

So perhaps viewers knew what to expect when he interviewed Bruni-Sarkozy on Monday, primarily about her Good Deeds and in particular her campaign against illiteracy.

But Pernaut reached new lows in his already questionable journalistic standards while winding up the interview when he said, "I know you don't like talking about your private life, but I just want to congratulate you."

Bruni-Sarkozy looked somewhat taken aback, at a loss for an appropriate response, smiled and said, "Congratulations (to you) too."

No, it doesn't mean Pernaut is the father.

If you have the stomach for it, take a look at the accompanying clip - and try not to cringe.

Pernault à Carla Bruni: "Je vous félicite" Vidéo jeanmarcmorandini sélectionnée dans TV/Séries

Meanwhile Bruni-Sarkozy might not be talking about the likely patter of tiny feet, but her father-in-law is.

Pal Sarkozy told the German daily tabloid Bild that he was going to be a grandfather - again. And he's delighted.

"The couple don't want to know the sex of the baby," the 82-year-old indiscreetly told the paper.

"But I'm sure that if it's a girl, she'll be as beautiful as Carla."

Which raises the question perhaps, if it's a boy it'll be as "what" as his father?

"A shitty finish" - France flops again at Eurovision

Now there's a headline to knock the stuffing out of a country's national pride.

France had gone into Saturday's Eurovision Song Contest in the German city of Düsseldorf with high hopes that its singing "hairdon't" Amaury Vassili would seduce television viewers and professional judges across the continent in the annual musical jamboree that brings pleasure to millions.

Amaury Vassili (screenshot from France 3 television)

Indeed bookmakers had for some reason made the 21-year-old the favourite and somehow the French media wanted to believe it so much that it was carrying reports on how other contestants were telling Vassili, "See you in Paris next year."

"Amaury Vassili represents France's best shot at topping Eurovision since Marie Myriam won back in 1977," said the national daily Aujourd'hui en France - Le Parisien before the competition,

Instead as we all know by now the couple Ell and Nikki from Azerbaijan - and don't ask Azerbai-where - won, and Vassili finished a lowly 15 with a mighty 82 points.

Only two countries gave the Gallic warbler that much prized "douze points"; neighbours Belgium and (presumably equally tone deaf) Greece (well Cyprus hadn't made it through to the finals so they had to hunt around for another country to whom they could give their votes).

All the pre-competition hype had come to nothing and the less-than exquisite "Songu", sung in a Corsican dialect that not even the French could understand, finished with the same number of points as France's 2010 entry from Jessy Matador (who?) bopping along to "Allez Ola Olé", although three places lower.

Now there's a compliment.

Was it perhaps a case of the French believing in their own publicity? After all what were the chances of a pseudo-operatic voice having widespread appeal when up against the tra-la-la-ing expertise of Nordic, Baltic, Balkan and Eastern European blocs?

Vassili had urged caution in the run-up to the contest and was disappointed not to have done better.

"15th place is a shitty position but it doesn't matter," he said afterwards.

"I gave it everything I had but it wasn't convincing enough. It was a gamble choosing a song like this and in the end we just didn't pull it off."

And when it came to the winners, he had less than tender words.

"For me the Azerbaijan song was completely trite and syrupy and I didn't believe for one moment the performance the two gave as a couple or a duo," he said.

"Besides I think it shows a lack of balls to sing in English (as most of the 43 finalists did) rather than the language of your country or - as I did - a region."

So France won't be shelling out millions of euros to hold next year's contest.

Instead that honour will go to Azerbaijan when the world will discover just how European it is - or isn't - what the capital is called, and who knows, they might actually be able to locate it on a map.

Oh yes, and it'll probably be the only other time most of us will get to hear Eli and Nikki's "Running scared".

Shame!

But for all those who want a reminder of what real Eurovision was - as far as the French are concerned - here's that 1977 triumph once again from Marie Myriam.



And as a special for all you Eurovision enthusiasts - Vassili and Myriam tackled her one hit on French television just weeks before the Düsseldorf disappointment.

Perhaps France should have tried entering that.

Do the French really need a 96-hour antiperspirant? Does anyone?

Apparently 96hour antiperspirant is better than soap and water - or at least a damn good alternative.

Invincible (screenshot from French commercial)

The weather has been unseasonably warm and worryingly dry throughout many parts of Europe over the past couple of months.

Already in France, 26 of the country's 95 mainland départements have water restrictions in place and the prognostication - what a lovely word - by weather forecasters is that the situation is unlikely to improve any time soon.

All of which is perhaps an explanation, albeit admittedly somewhat tenuous, for the decision by one the world's largest cosmetics and beauty companies to hit television screens with commercials for a product that promises 96 hour protection!

Yes unbelievably L'Oréal would appear to think that it's perfectly acceptable not to wash for four whole days and instead to rely on the wonders of its "Invincible" deodorant from the MenExpert range.

Indeed so proud does the Paris-based giant seem to be that it has not only lined up a couple of hunks to promote the product's properties, it has also released a video showing the "making of" the commercial.

Eric Cantona (screenshot from French commercial for Invincible)

In France former French international footballer Eric Cantona adds his virility to Invincible's obvious appeal for those whose jobs might require them to avoid soap and water for the best part of a week.

And elsewhere it's US actor and heartthrob Patrick Dempsey who's charged with extolling the virtues of 96-hour protection.





Clearly both men were paid enough to try to convince others that personal hygiene for men comes in the shape of a roll-on or spray deodorant effective under the most extreme conditions and for what just has to be an entirely inappropriate length of time.

What would their better halves (Rachida Brakni and Jillian Fink respectively) say of the two men if they regularly chose not to wash?

And how would partners of men being encouraged to use Invincible really react if they discovered they were sharing their lives with someone who preferred a quick underarm roll-on or spray to the more traditional cleansing properties of water?



Once again the question surely has to be asked - just as it was here a couple of weeks ago when looking at the pleasures offered by 72-hour protection - "What in heaven's name is going through the minds of manufacturers when they come up with the idea that anybody requires such a product in everyday life?"

Surely we're worth all worth better than that L'Oréal.

Coming soon - 120-hour protection?

Beurk - as the French might say.