TF1's phallic weather warning

Tempête Dirk came, lingered like the most unwelcome of guests over parts of France, and caused Christmas misery for many.

Brittany was perhaps initially the hardest hit part of France with, for example, residents in the town of Marlaix "celebrating" the festive season quite literally under water.

They weren't alone.

Far from it, as back-to-back news reports showed, giving journalists something "real" to report other than the usual last-minute shoppers, preparations for Santa's arrival, ideas for the perfect meal and the like.

Granted, those items still provided more than their fair share of the bulletins, but Dirk was understandably, the lead item.

And once it had left, along came Erich to cause added misery.

In the midst of all the bad news though, there was a lighter - if somewhat unintentionally lewd moment.

And it was provided by, of all people, one of the country's most recognised television weather forecasters (or as some presenters on BFM TV seems to have decided to call them "climate specialists") TF1's Evelyne Dheliat.

The prime time evening news in France on both TF1 is preceded by and followed by a comprehensive national weather forecast.

But when there's a predicted extreme of one sort or another, the weather forecaster is invited into the studio to beef up the report.

Such was the case on the eve of Christmas Eve with Dheliat joining anchor Julien Arnaud in front of the cameras complete with a state-of-the-art (ahem) diagram to show the likely progression of Dirk.

Except Dheliat seemed not to have checked her graphics before the show because, in the tradition of the very best (or worst) of Benny Hill-type smuttiness, the storm appeared to take on phallic proportions as it move eastwards and southwards.

Evelyne Dheliat on TF1 (screenshot from Gentside's zapping)

As the image hit Twitter (of course) some bright sparks came up with comments such as "Evelyne Dheliat seems to have confused  'Dirk' with tempête...well work it out yourselves.

TF1 : La carte météo du 23 décembre a bien fait rire les internautes par Gentside

2012 is a "bisexual" year for French weather forecaster

We've all had them haven't we? Those moments when our mouths become disengaged from our brains and what comes out is similar to, but significantly different from, what had intended that it sends us and those around us into fits of giggles.

It's worse of course when it occurs during a presentation or any form of public speaking.

And when it happens on live TV or radio, the chances are it's going to make its way on to the Net.

Jean-Marc Souami (screenshot France 3)

Such was the case with a slip of the tongue during the lunchtime news on France 3 on Saturday as weather forecaster Jean-Marc Souami, shared with viewers a rather...er...interesting meteorological outlook for the week ahead

Captions with unusually mild temperatures worthy of early Spring and plenty of sunshine especially in the south of the country were what he was about to introduce, but before he did that, he thought he would remind those watching that 2012 was a leap year or "année bissextile" in French.

You can find out the origins of the term (in French) here if you wish.

Anyway, you can probably see where this is going because of course Souami replaced "bissextile" with the word "bisexual" much to his embarrassment but also initial shriek of amusement from the news anchor Catherine Matausch.

Souami, who quickly corrected himself, continued, holding back his own laughter until the end when he offered up a somewhat sheepish apology for his blunder.

Ah the wonders of live telly.

Nora Berra, junior health minister, advises homeless to "stay indoors" during cold snap!

As you're doubtless aware by now, much of Europe is going through Brass Monkeys weather, and France has been no exception over the past week.

Indeed there's unlikely to be a let-up in the cold spell until next weekend according to the national meteorological (try saying that after a few bevvies) office Météo France.

Prime time TV news and radio programmes are typically dedicating plenty of air time to - among other aspects - the freezing temperatures, burst pipes, electricity consumption, the danger of blackouts, and the plight of the homeless.

Cue the junior minister for health, Nora Berra, whose job, you would imagine, is one that would require her being particularly sensitive to the needs of the more vulnerable - especially during weather extremes.

And such was the case at the weekend when the 49-year-old helpfully wrote on her blog her recommendations as to how those most at risk - the homeless, infants, the elderly, or people with chronic cardiovascular or respiratory problems - could cope with the cold spell.

A few lines later came her words of wisdom beginning with, "In the case of an extreme drop in temperature, I recommend to those most vulnerable to stay indoors."

(enlarged screenshot of blog from Nouvel Observateur)

Yep. She was apparently telling the homeless that they shouldn't venture outside.

Duh.

As the website of the weekly news magazine Nouvel Observateur pointed out, the Net was soon abuzz with reactions to Berra's blunder, with Twitter users poking fun at the minister by recommending that, "the homeless also eat five fruit and vegetables each day for a healthy diet" or suggesting they "wear fur coats rather than jogging suits because they would keep them warmer."

Berra responded by amending her blog and, as the national daily Le Monde wrote, dropping the homeless from her original list of the "most vulnerable" and giving them a whole sentence at the end of her entry with a reminder that, "if you see a homeless person on the street who seems to need help because of the cold, call 115 (an emergency service for the homeless) to report it without delay."

Seemingly unwilling to admit that she had made any sort of mistake, she also answered her critics by saying that it had been an "error of interpretation" and writing a shorter blog entry (Tweeted) pointing out that, "there are some subject which do not lend themselves to irony."

Well, there's nothing like an apology...and that's...

French TV's weather forecast cock-up

"And the weather for the rest of today will be overcast and stormy...er sorry, sunny and hot"

screenshot from PureMédias' video

Anyone watching last Thursday lunchtime's weather forecast on France 2 public television will have been a little depressed to begin with and also slightly perplexed - especially if they'd had a chance to look out of the window.

As is usual the presenter - in this particular case Philippe Verdier, who's pretty new to the channel having joined at the beginning of the summer from the all-news BFM TV - popped up before the news bulletin to tell viewers what the weather would be like for the rest of the day.

And he reappeared afterwards to do exactly the same thing.

Only in the space of little over half an hour, there appeared to be a dramatic change in what weather France could expect, both for the rest of the day and the seven-day outlook.

Philippe Verdier (screenshot from PureMédias' video)

Before the news Verdier told viewers that there had been a fair amount of rain across the country in the morning and the pattern looked set to continue into the afternoon and evening.

Except as news anchorwoman Sophie Le Saint explained at the end of her bulletin, there had been a slight mix-up in weather forecast.

Someone had played the wrong recording.

"We would like to offer our apologies because the weather forecast you saw immediately before this news bulletin wasn't the correct one," she said.

"The wrong tape was played (it was a recording from the previous week) and you'll be able to see Philippe Verdier with the correct forecast immediately following this bulletin."

And as you can see from the screenshot which the French media and entertainment news website PureMédias put together to compare the two maps used to illustrate the weather forecast both before and after the news, there's quite a difference.

France 2 s'emmêle les pinceaux Vidéo OZAP sélectionnée dans Replay TV

Do the French really need a 96-hour antiperspirant? Does anyone?

Apparently 96hour antiperspirant is better than soap and water - or at least a damn good alternative.

Invincible (screenshot from French commercial)

The weather has been unseasonably warm and worryingly dry throughout many parts of Europe over the past couple of months.

Already in France, 26 of the country's 95 mainland départements have water restrictions in place and the prognostication - what a lovely word - by weather forecasters is that the situation is unlikely to improve any time soon.

All of which is perhaps an explanation, albeit admittedly somewhat tenuous, for the decision by one the world's largest cosmetics and beauty companies to hit television screens with commercials for a product that promises 96 hour protection!

Yes unbelievably L'Oréal would appear to think that it's perfectly acceptable not to wash for four whole days and instead to rely on the wonders of its "Invincible" deodorant from the MenExpert range.

Indeed so proud does the Paris-based giant seem to be that it has not only lined up a couple of hunks to promote the product's properties, it has also released a video showing the "making of" the commercial.

Eric Cantona (screenshot from French commercial for Invincible)

In France former French international footballer Eric Cantona adds his virility to Invincible's obvious appeal for those whose jobs might require them to avoid soap and water for the best part of a week.

And elsewhere it's US actor and heartthrob Patrick Dempsey who's charged with extolling the virtues of 96-hour protection.





Clearly both men were paid enough to try to convince others that personal hygiene for men comes in the shape of a roll-on or spray deodorant effective under the most extreme conditions and for what just has to be an entirely inappropriate length of time.

What would their better halves (Rachida Brakni and Jillian Fink respectively) say of the two men if they regularly chose not to wash?

And how would partners of men being encouraged to use Invincible really react if they discovered they were sharing their lives with someone who preferred a quick underarm roll-on or spray to the more traditional cleansing properties of water?



Once again the question surely has to be asked - just as it was here a couple of weeks ago when looking at the pleasures offered by 72-hour protection - "What in heaven's name is going through the minds of manufacturers when they come up with the idea that anybody requires such a product in everyday life?"

Surely we're worth all worth better than that L'Oréal.

Coming soon - 120-hour protection?

Beurk - as the French might say.

Brrr and baa - the tale of Moïse the sheep's rescue

It has been cold here in France recently, just as it has throughout much of Europe.

Many parts of the country are bracing themselves for more snow on Thursday with daytime temperatures hovering around zero degrees Celsius or barely creeping above.

So what's needed perhaps is a cheerful animal tale guaranteed to warm the cockles of the heart is nothing else.

And here's one concerning a sheep named "Moïse" (or Moses in English) - a not entirely inappropriate name she was given (as will become clearer as you continue reading) following her "little adventure".

Image from Wikipedia, author Andreas Cappell from Erlangen, Germany

Moïse usually does her "ruminating" in the fields just outside the town of Bar-sur-Aube in eastern France.

Now sheep, you'll probably agree, are not blessed with the reputation of being the smartest of creatures when it comes to thinking for themselves.

In fact it could be fair to say that they're pretty low down on the IQ scale of things, with a strong instinct to "follow the leader" and go where the food is.

And if there's no fellow flock member around to follow then what is a sheep to do but stay put?

That's exactly what happened to Moïse who proved herself to be the quintessential ewe when she became separated from the rest of the flock by a couple of dogs at the weekend.

According to the regional newspaper, Libération Champagne, Moïse took refuge on a little island surrounded by shallow water in the middle of a field.

The only problem was that while she was there the mercury dipped well below zero, the water froze and Moïse was to all intents and purposes bleatingly-well stranded.

"Firefighters to the rescue" as a local unit from a nearby station was called in on Tuesday morning to help.

The ice was apparently only thin (perhaps Moïse hadn't realised) which meant the rescuers could approach in a small boat (see the picture accompanying the original report).

But as they inched forwards, getting ever closer, Moïse did what any self-respecting sheep would do and panicked, jumping into the icy water and managing to get herself stuck in the silt.

The lifeboat did a round of the island and by the time it had returned to the spot where Moïse had "taken the plunge" there she was, back where she had started.

Their second rescue attempt met with success and together - two men and a sheep in a boat - they headed across the ice to the safety of terra firma, where Moïse was given the once over to check that she was healthy, before "gambolling" off to join the rest of the flock.

Brrr and baa!

Hortefeux says heavy snowfall in Paris made travel "complicated"

Perhaps France's interior minister Brice Hortefeux was living on a different planet on Wednesday.

Or maybe he just hadn't seen a news report or stuck his nose out of the window.

Because at four o'clock in the afternoon, after snow had been falling in the French capital and its suburbs for a couple of hours, Hortefeux held a press conference.

Or should that be a "I haven't got a clue what I'm talking about but I'm going to say something because it's my job" session?

Using what can surely only be termed as political pussyfooting, and thereby denying any responsibility for the authorities having been ill-prepared, Hortefeux told the assembled hacks that getting in and around Paris and the surrounding region of Ile de France was "complicated" but not a "mess".

Brice Hortefeux "There isn't a mess" during press conference (screenshot TF1 news)

Just a slight error in the minister's description of the situation though as anyone in the French capital at the time could have told him.

It was indeed already a "mess", had been for many for several hours and would continue to be so for the rest of the afternoon, evening and through the night.

Just half an hour before Hortefeux made his statement, flights at Roissy-Charles de Gaulle airport had been suspended (they resumed a couple of hours later), heavy goods vehicles had been banned from the motorways in Ile de France, and only a handful of buses were running.

The snow was falling thick and fast (11 centimetres in total according to Météo France) and tailbacks were already beginning on each of the major axes in and out of Paris.

As television news reports in the evening showed, many motorists were well and truly stuck and would remain in their cars for most of the night.

Tailbacks measuring in total (a record) 394 kilometres were reported at one point, special reception areas were opened for those who were stranded, and even those who tried getting around on foot were having problems.

Extra police were deployed to help out but still the situation in Paris and its suburbs wasn't a "mess" because the interior minister had said so.

Interviewed later on Europe 1 radio, Hortefeux insisted that he hadn't been trying to deny that there had been problems but simply that the situation had worsened very quickly.

And he was backed up by the environment minister Nathalie Kosciusko-Morizet who said (and here there's a bit of paraphrasing going on) that even though the region had been put on alert beforehand, the real problem had been the amount of snow that had fallen.

Ergo even though all the evidence at the time pointed to the contrary and Paris was indeed paralysed for several hours, as far as officialdom was concerned the situation was not a "mess".

Reflecting maybe on the reality of the situation, Hortefeux released a press statement on Thursday morning calling on motorists to avoid Paris and its suburbs.

Of course this isn't the first time recently that a government minister has managed to put a rather rose-tinted spin on what is actually happening.

When oil refinery workers went on strike in October, the then environment minister Jean-Louis Borloo urged French motorists to remain calm and reassured them that there was no risk of a fuel shortage.

A statement which unhappily proved to be far removed from what happened.

"Pagaille" : les autorités se défendent

Paris airports close as France awaits storm

All three of the French capital's airports, Roissy-Charles de Gaulle, Orly and Le Bourget, are to suspend traffic this evening from eight o'clock until Tuesday morning at 10 o'clock local time.

Storms with winds of up to 120 km/h are expected in the Paris region overnight as weather is is once again making the headlines here in France.

This country's national meteorological service, Météo-France, is forecasting storms over a huge part of the country from Monday evening.

It has predicted high winds with gusts of up to 140 km/h to hit the west and southwest of the country at around six o'clock local time moving across country throughout the night and into Tuesday.

In total, Météo-France has put 61 (of the 96 in mainland France) départements (or administrative districts) on orange alert (see affected areas here).

"Vigilance has been advised" and a huge swathe of the country is expected to be affected with winds predicted to be as strong 120 -140 km/h in western coastal areas.

Further inland, as the storms move from west to east, they should drop to 100-120 km/h before moving in to neighbouring Belgium on Tuesday.

In its wake of course, the storm (or tempête Quentin as it's being called) is expected to create plenty of damage, fallen trees, localised traffic problems and rail and air transport delays throughout the day on Tuesday.

Along with the wind, there'll also be rain - as if many parts of France haven't had more than their fair share already The risk of flooding or rivers breaking their banks isn't thought to be a major threat in most parts of the country, apart from the southwest where water levels are already very high and some local communities have been warned to expect the worst.

One ray of sunshine (sorry - completely unintentional, but you have to look for the positive in all of this too) is that according to Météo-France, the storm will not be as intense as the one that devastated parts of southwestern France on January 24.

But that'll probably be of little comfort to those just recovering from one weather front, now being warned of another one.

January's storm (tempête Klaus) caused an estimated €1.2 billion worth of damages, brought down power lines to 1.7 million households and killed 11 people.

The calm before the storm - weather warning as tempête Quentin approaches

UPDATE: As of four o'clock Monday afternoon, Méteo France has increased the number of départments on orange alert to 58.

Weather is is once again making the headlines here in France, with this country's national meteorological service, Météo-France, forecasting storms over a huge part of the country on Monday evening.

It has predicted high winds with gusts of up to 140 km/h to hit the west and southwest of the country at around six o'clock local time moving across country throughout the night and into Tuesday.

In total, Météo-France has put 35 (of the 96 in mainland France) départements (or administrative districts) on orange alert (see affected areas here), although Meteo Consult, a commercial meteorological research bureau has put the figure as high as 44.

Whatever the exact number, "vigilance has been advised" and a huge swathe of the country is expected to be affected with winds predicted to be as strong 120 -140 km/h in western coastal areas.

Further inland, as the storms move from west to east, they should drop to 100-120 km/h before moving in to neighbouring Belgium on Tuesday.

In its wake of course, the storm (or tempête Quentin as it's being called) is expected to create plenty of damage, fallen trees, localised traffic problems and rail and air transport delays throughout the day on Tuesday.

Along with the wind, there'll also be rain - as if many parts of France haven't had more than their fair share already, but apart from a few isolated regions, the risk of flooding or rivers breaking their banks isn't thought to be a major threat.

One ray of sunshine (sorry - completely unintentional, but you have to look for the positive in all of this too) is that according to Météo-France, the storms will not be as intense as those that devastated parts of southwestern France on January 24.

YouTube Video

But that'll probably be of little comfort to those just recovering from one weather front, now being warned of another one.

January's storm (tempête Klaus) caused an estimated €1.2 billion worth of damages, brought down power lines to 1.7 million households and killed 11 people.

Air travel "getting back to normal" in Paris

After the previous day's chaos at Roissy-Charles-de-Gaulle, the French capital's major international airport, it's almost "service as usual" on Tuesday.

Snow and ice led Air France to cancel more than 150 flights on Monday leaving more than 3,000 passengers stranded overnight.

Many of them were forced to sleep in the airport terminals as nearby hotels were full.

You can tell it's winter here in France because it's cold - very cold. In fact "unusually cold" with daytime temperatures in the Paris region barely climbing above zero degrees centigrade at the moment.

Another sign that it's winter is that there's snow. Yes, shock horror, the two can sometimes go together even here in France.

And when the snow struck on Monday, the airport at Roissy seemed suitably unprepared.

Now that might come as something of a surprise to anyone who knows the country or has spent any time living here.

After all, the French seem almost as weather-obssessed as the British are reputed to be, and it wouldn't have taken a PhD perhaps for the airlines and the airport authorities to have anticipated what was likely to happen.

Don't believe me? Then flick on the television any evening at eight o'clock on either of the country's two main national channels and you'll be just in time to catch the weather forecast.

But that it seems isn't enough. Once the news is finished, up pops the presenter once again to repeat what he or she told viewers 35 minutes earlier.

Just to push the point a little further both TF1 - the privately owned channel - and France 2, public television - have just "upped the ante" by extending their forecasts from the following three days to five. So in theory we should all be fully informed knowing well ahead of time what's likely to happen.

Of course that also depends on the premise that viewers can have absolute faith in what they're being told.

Indeed on Sunday evening we were all informed that there was a danger of black ice on the roads as the country returned to work after the long holiday break, and there was also the likelihood of snow during the day on Monday.

Not just a light covering of the lovely fluffy, white stuff, but several centimetres falling across a huge chunk of northern France.

More than 20 of the country's 95 metropolitan departments were put on "weather alert" and sure enough the snow, freezing rain and ice arrived - as predicted.

But somehow, somewhere along the line, all that escaped The Powers That Be at Roissy, who failed to take into account what the rest of us knew was coming.

And as Monday's evening news showed, there were plenty of disgruntled passengers barely disguising their disgust at the confusion, lack of information and shortfall of emergency overnight accommodation provided.

Interestingly enough Orly airport, just south of the capital and therefore also subject to exactly the same weather conditions, reported very few cancellations and no accommodation problems for passengers.

There again it is smaller and serves mainly domestic routes, and perhaps its directors had tuned in to the weather forecast the evening before.

The cold snap or French equivalent perhaps of the "Big Chill' is expected to last for the best part of the week.