"A shitty finish" - France flops again at Eurovision

Now there's a headline to knock the stuffing out of a country's national pride.

France had gone into Saturday's Eurovision Song Contest in the German city of Düsseldorf with high hopes that its singing "hairdon't" Amaury Vassili would seduce television viewers and professional judges across the continent in the annual musical jamboree that brings pleasure to millions.

Amaury Vassili (screenshot from France 3 television)

Indeed bookmakers had for some reason made the 21-year-old the favourite and somehow the French media wanted to believe it so much that it was carrying reports on how other contestants were telling Vassili, "See you in Paris next year."

"Amaury Vassili represents France's best shot at topping Eurovision since Marie Myriam won back in 1977," said the national daily Aujourd'hui en France - Le Parisien before the competition,

Instead as we all know by now the couple Ell and Nikki from Azerbaijan - and don't ask Azerbai-where - won, and Vassili finished a lowly 15 with a mighty 82 points.

Only two countries gave the Gallic warbler that much prized "douze points"; neighbours Belgium and (presumably equally tone deaf) Greece (well Cyprus hadn't made it through to the finals so they had to hunt around for another country to whom they could give their votes).

All the pre-competition hype had come to nothing and the less-than exquisite "Songu", sung in a Corsican dialect that not even the French could understand, finished with the same number of points as France's 2010 entry from Jessy Matador (who?) bopping along to "Allez Ola Olé", although three places lower.

Now there's a compliment.

Was it perhaps a case of the French believing in their own publicity? After all what were the chances of a pseudo-operatic voice having widespread appeal when up against the tra-la-la-ing expertise of Nordic, Baltic, Balkan and Eastern European blocs?

Vassili had urged caution in the run-up to the contest and was disappointed not to have done better.

"15th place is a shitty position but it doesn't matter," he said afterwards.

"I gave it everything I had but it wasn't convincing enough. It was a gamble choosing a song like this and in the end we just didn't pull it off."

And when it came to the winners, he had less than tender words.

"For me the Azerbaijan song was completely trite and syrupy and I didn't believe for one moment the performance the two gave as a couple or a duo," he said.

"Besides I think it shows a lack of balls to sing in English (as most of the 43 finalists did) rather than the language of your country or - as I did - a region."

So France won't be shelling out millions of euros to hold next year's contest.

Instead that honour will go to Azerbaijan when the world will discover just how European it is - or isn't - what the capital is called, and who knows, they might actually be able to locate it on a map.

Oh yes, and it'll probably be the only other time most of us will get to hear Eli and Nikki's "Running scared".

Shame!

But for all those who want a reminder of what real Eurovision was - as far as the French are concerned - here's that 1977 triumph once again from Marie Myriam.



And as a special for all you Eurovision enthusiasts - Vassili and Myriam tackled her one hit on French television just weeks before the Düsseldorf disappointment.

Perhaps France should have tried entering that.

France nul points-bound for Eurovision?

If you thought the tale of the French entry at this year's annual "musical" (the term has to be used lightly) jamboree that is the Eurovision Song Contest was over - think again.

After deciding who would represent the country a couple of months ago, the choice of song has now been made.

Amaury Vassili (screenshot from YouTube video)

Back in February the Powers that Be at France Television decided who would sing the French entry at this year's bash.

None of that namby-pamby, letting-the-public-choose nonsense in France.

TV execs "wield the stick" and they plumped for 21-year-old Amaury Vassili, a singer with a "fine lyric tenor voice" (and lots of hair).

You know the sort of thing: not quite classical and certainly ill-suited for opera, but pleasant enough to listen to - if you're into that sort of tra-la-la-ing.

When the choice was announced, the promise was made that the song would be especially written for him and would be sung in the Corsican dialect*, which makes a great deal of sense for someone born in the northeast of the country.

Whatever.

That commitment has been honoured and Vassili will be singing his lungs out next month with...wait for it...this.

YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!



Yes. France - one of the stalwarts of the competition has done itself...er...proud.

Dramatic - overly so - camp and tedious are three words that spring to mind.

And even though that might describe what Eurovision has become (and perhaps always was), with such an - ahem - "unusual" entry, does the France really stand any chance of lifting a title it hasn't won since 1977?

Maybe.

Over the years stranger songs have been entered and even won.

Who will ever forget Norway's 1995-winning ethereal nonsense "Nocturne" by Secret Garden or Finland's laughable head banging "Hard rock hallelujah" from Lordi 11 years later.

A rhetorical question.

So perhaps there's some hope for this year's Gallic entry.

Just don't put too much money on it winning.

You'll be able to find out for yourself on May 14 when the final will be broadcast live to millions from the German city of Düsseldorf.

* If English-speakers out there thought that they would have problems understanding France's entry, spare a thought for the French.

Not even the official Eurovision site has come up with a translation into French, although it has helpfully provided the original Corsican and English

So now you can sing along too!

"Sognu di ste labbre
Di sta voce chjara è pura
Mai spentu ricordu di tè
Quella notte cui cun tè

I dream of those lips
The voice, clear and pure
I still think of you
That night, there with you"