François Hollande's Kazakh fur hat and coat photo does wonders for his "plonker" image - yet again

The French president, François Hollande, might have a reputation for being an academic egghead  - an alumnus of the prestigious École nationale d'administration (ENA) and all that.

And he's equally well-known for cracking jokes (not always successfully) and (unfortunately) being chronically late for meetings.

But sadly, France's head of state also has a reputation for unintentionally (well, you would hope so) appearing to make a complete and utter pillock of himself - and that's putting it politely - not only with what he says (he masters the slip-of-the-tongue) but how he looks.

The rain fell on Hollande's parade (quite literally) from the very beginning (and has continued to do so with alarming frequency) in terms of his image when he got a real soaking just after being sworn in as president.

In fact, "Rain man" as Hollande has sometimes been unkindly termed, has become something of a standing joke within the media as bad weather just seems to have followed the French president from one official function to another (with the occasional exception of course).

Then there was the time, just a couple of months after being elected, during a state visit to London in July 2012 when Hollande appeared "dwarfed" by a Coldstream Guard (complete with the traditional bearskin of course) while inspecting the Guard of Honour.

A photo which amused many.

And few will forget the unfortunate snap taken by Agence France Presse during Hollande's visit to a school in Denain in northern France in September 2013 which had all the hallmarks of a "gormless grin" with Hollande seeming to "gurn".

You can see all those (and more) by searching through Twitter posts as every one of them quickly became the object of ridicule on the social network.

Just as Hollande's latest "plonker" PR (disaster) picture has.

This time it had him swaddled in a traditional Kazakh fur hat and coat as he posed with the country's president, Nursultan Nazarbayev, during a meeting in Astana last week.

Aie, aie, aie!

What was Hollande thinking of?

François Hollande and Nursultan Nazarbayev (screenshot - i>Télé report)

Where was his communications team? Apparently absent or at least unable to intervene.

But even without them, did he have to make himself look like a complete buffoon?

Yes, it would seem. Hollande had little or no choice and was just doing as previous leaders (such as Barak Obama) had done before him.

Plus, the photograph was taken by Nazarbayev's official photographer and posted on the Kazakh press service's Instagram account before being withdrawn.

Too late. The anger and embarrassment at the Elysée palace was accompanied by another round of online jokes as once again, Hollande became an international laughing stock.

Great PR for the French president and for the country.

Friday's French music break - Étienne Daho, "En surface"

Friday's French music break this week is from a singer who first broke on to the music scene back in 1981.

It's "En surface", the most recent single from Étienne Daho and taken from his 2013 album "Les Chansons de l'innocence retrouvée"

Étienne Daho (screenshot from official video of "En surface".

As you can tell, Daho has been around a while and has built up a firm and loyal fan base and has become (in the words of the promotional blurb) "one of the most influential personalities to have emerged on the French scene in the last 30 years"

Part of the problem (for those not quite so enamoured of his music) is that Daho seems to have been "singing"  (inverted commas entirely intentional as he has a "voice" that surely only the French could "love") variations of the same song since the 1980s.

And in fact, he appears to be well and truly stuck in that era, offering up little that is sparklingly different, not to mention tuneful and instead relying on a tried and tested recipe of electro-pop "synth-driven and rock-surf influenced" (his English language Wikipedia entry, so you know it must be right). music which has, admittedly, served him well over the decades.

Very well in fact with every album turning gold or platinum and a slew of successful singles.

Granted "the familiarity factor" could probably be said to be true for many artists who've proven their longevity, but in the process, Daho just sounds too moody and bored when he sings. Don't you think?

"En surface" is one of those songs that you hear and wish would be over quickly because the melody and the "low whispery voice" have a combined soporific effect (for some) which will simply send you off to the Land of Nod.

All right. That's not exactly fair - just an opinion.

There are plenty around who have enjoyed, and continue to do so, Daho's music. And the album from which this track was taken, received some pretty good reviews when it was released.

Writing in Le Journal du dimanche, critic Éric Mandel described "Les Chansons de l'innocence retrouvée" as an "ambitious and elegant album" and one that was "sumptuous with songs that stood out for their emotional power."

Oh well.

And then there are the diehard fans, some of whose comments on the "En surface" video on YouTube are equally gushing

"Magnifique chanson , magnifique clip, magnifique chanteur, magnifique voix !" for example. Really, you shouldn't need to run that throught Google translate.

Or

"Une très belle chanson."

And

"Ma chanson préférée de l'album.....octobre est encore loin  pour revivre la magie de ses concerts."

Ah October...and the "Diskönoir" tour which will, over the next few months, see Daho take the show on the road around France (with three dates at Olympia in Paris) Belgium and Luxembourg, plus a date in London on October 23.

Ready? Judge for yourselves.

Actually it's not so bad after a dozen or so hearings....

"1789 : Les Amants de la Bastille" a revolutionary love story set to music

I'm not a great fan of musicals at the best of times, and even less so of French ones.

But occasionally I allow myself to be dragged along to one.

"You'll enjoy it, you'll see," friends who had seen the production of "1789 : Les Amants de la Bastille" during its first run in Paris, assured me.

"There's some great music, fine voices and the set is sumptuous. Plus you'll brush up your knowledge of French history," they insisted.

"Besides, you shouldn't be so snooty about these sort of things."

Moi? Snooty (and pretentious)? I hardly think so.

After all, I was the person who had recently seen the French version of "Mamma Mia"... and liked it.

Plus in recent years I've enjoyed the "Sound of Music", "West Side Story" and "Carousel" at the Théâtre du Châtelet in Paris.

All right, already so they were all transfers of original productions from Broadway or the West End.

And they weren't exactly in the mould of that 1998 gem "Notre Dame de Paris" described by The Independent when it opened in London as "a load of old bells" and which must surely have set the trend for the glut of French musicals that were to follow over the next decade or so.

Anyway, 1789-bound I was, even if somewhat sceptical.

Having heard some of the sound track on the radio and knowing that Louis Delort, a finalist in the first season of The Voice, had been cast in one of the lead roles, I didn't hold out much faith in my friends' first two assertions.

Louis Delort and Camille Lou (screenshot from "Tomber dans ses yeux " official video, 1789 Les Amants de la Bastille)

As for helping me make sense of a period in French history. I had my doubts.

On that count at least, I wasn't disappointed.

It was a French Disneyfying of events made palatable for everyone and accompanied by some frenzied dancing and uptempo but nonetheless uninspiring songs.

The run-up to the French revolution serves as a backdrop to a love story (what else?).

Robespierre, Danton, Marie Antoinette Louis XVI et al are all present and correct as are two fictional characters from both sides of the divide: Ronan Mazurier (Delort) for the "revolting peasants" and Olympe du Puget (Camille Lou) an under-governess at the royal court.

Delort is good, as is Lou. And... oh and look, there's another TV talent show contestant in the form of Sébastien Agius (Robespierre) who apparently won the inaugural season of the French X Factor in 2009.

They and the others belt out the tunes, helped by microphones cranked up to the max to overcome the pre-recorded intrumentals.

The music is...well, it seems as though Dove Attilla and Albert Cohen (the duo responsible for bringing us "Les 10 Commandements", "Le Roi Soleil" and most recently "Mozart l’opéra rock") have cobbled together the tracks that didn't quite make it into "Mozart".

Still, the audience seemed enthralled. Well at least those who weren't "watching" the whole thing through their smart 'phones while filming.

"Please don't use flash photography," the announcer had requested before the performance began.

"It's dangerous for the performers (huh?) and besides the stage lighting is sufficiently bright," he added, thereby making a nonsense of the sign at the entry to the venue which said "no cameras allowed".

Curtain up. Flash, flash, flash went the smartphones in a pattern which was to repeat itself every time there was a scene change.

Every song was roundly applauded. Children and adults alike texted furiously as they scoffed their popcorn and guzzled their soft drinks and I sighed, looking at my watch and wondering whether I could leave before the end.

It was...well a real treat for those who enjoy their French (musical) history served up Camembert-style.

Me? I think I'm musical-ed-out for the moment.

But if you're really keen to see what has, after all, been a huge success in France, "Les Amants" continues its nationwide tour with stopovers in Montpellier, Nice and Marseille before returning to Paris in November.

And then at the beginning of 2014 it'll be on the road again.

"Mamma Mia!" in French and on tour

Imagine for one moment you hadn't seen the title of this piece, and instead you were asked to sing - in English - the lyrics of "Dis oui, dis oui, dis oui, dis oui, dis oui", "Un homme après minuit", or "Viens tenter ta chance".

How would you fare?

Would you even know which songs you were being asked to sing?

"Mamma Mia! (screenshot from tour trailer)

Just for the record (ouch) they are in order, "I do, I do, I do, I do, I do," "Gimme! Gimme! Gimme!" and "Take a chance on me".

Yes welcome to Abba sung in French.

After a hugely successful two-year run at Le Théâtre Mogador in Paris, "Mamma Mia!" is on tour - packing 'em in at every stop.



The whole shebang kicked off in September 2012 and is due to wrap up at the beginning of March.

There's no need to recap the rather thin plot. You're probably all familiar with either the original London show which opened back in (gulp) 1999 or one of the many international productions, and most probably the 2008 (ah, that's better) film starring Meryl Streep.

It was and remains a vehicle for Abba songs - and there's nothing wrong with that.

"Mamma Mia! (screenshot from tour trailer)

So what of the French version of the "Worldwide smash hit"?

Well it lives up to the positive reviews it has received. The acting, although not brilliant, isn't required to be. Hence the "hammed up" and ever-so-slightly camp aspect in no way detracts from enjoying it for what it is - a musical.

The choreography is simple but fun and effective and the set design colourful. The voices are good, but not great - one thing perhaps in the cast's favour is that they're most definitely not trying to be Abba. Well they couldn't really.

All in all it remains as karoake-inspired as ever (sorry for fans of either the stage musical or the film) with one major exception of course. It's in French.

"Mamma Mia! (screenshot from tour trailer)

Unless you've surfed the Net beforehand to take a gander at the lyrics and maybe memorise them, or bought the album, then seeing and hearing such familiar songs without being able to join in, might come as something of a shock.

Now, no matter how much of an Abba fan you might be, and regardless of Björn Ulvaeus and Benny Andersson's undoubted talent for writing some pretty good pop tunes for them, along with Agnetha Fältskog and Anni-Frid Lyngstad, to belt out, the lyrics were sometimes rather...how to out this kindly..."dodgy".

Catchy, the tunes definitely were: well crafted and produced too. But the words?

Well, let's be honest. They weren't and probably were never meant to be (too) deep. After all, we're talking pop here.

Clever, yes. But from the very first time we all heard, "My my at Waterloo Napoleon did surrender, Oh yeah and I have met my destiny in quite a similar way. The history book on the shelf is always repeating itself" it was clear this was light and fluffy at its commercially rhyming best.

Funnily enough though, the real strength of the French version of "Mamma Mia!" probably lies in the lyrics.

"Mamma Mia! (screenshot from tour trailer)

The dialogue (such as it is - see the French and Saunders film parody clip at the end for perhaps the fairest appraisal) was translated by Stéphane Laporte and the all-important songs - although they also needed the seal of approval from Ulvaeus -  by Nicolas Nebot.

"I sent him (Ulvaeus) my translations and he was especially keen to keep the sonority and the catchiness of the phraseology," Nebot said.

"He didn't want a word-for-word translation."

And Ulvaeus, along with audiences in France, didn't get it either.

Instead Nebot has managed to breathe new life into old favourites and in the process, give an additional pleasure.

Now this will only work if your French is up to it, but look at what happens to the beginning of "The winner takes it all" or "La loi du plus fort".

"I don't wanna talk
About things we've gone through
Though it's hurting me
Now it's history
I've played all my cards
And that's what you've done too
Nothing more to say
No more ace to play

The winner takes it all
The loser's standing small
Beside the victory
That's her destiny"

"Je n' veux plus parler
De ce vide entre nous
J'ai purgé ma peine
C'est d'l'histoire ancienne
J'ai tentè ma chance
Tu as jouè tes atouts
Sans aucun regret
Les jeux étaient faits

C'est la loi du plus fort
Moi je m'incline encore
Et derrière la victoire
Je lis ton histoire"

All right already, not the stuff of which either great literature or poetry are made but francophone Abba fans (and there surely must be a fair few based on the success of the musical since it opened) will most certainly get a kick hearing an old favourite revisited.

Valérie Trierweiler resurfaces - Amber alert averted

Oh but it has been an anxious couple of weeks for the French and in particular the country's media.

Because ever since the infamous Seggers Twittergate affair little has been heard and virtually nothing seen of Valérie Trierweiler.

First up her page on the official site of the French president's office went "whoosh" as it disappeared.

And then the woman herself dropped "discreetly out of view" as Elle magazine (well, what did you expect? Le Monde as a source?) headlined.

She wasn't, as Le Parisien (yes another admirable source. On a roll) pointed out, in London with François Hollande as he sipped tea with Mrs Windsor and shared a carpet joke or two with David Cameron.

And apart from her Mills and Boon-type contribution to a behind-the-scenes look in a book about Hollande's presidential campaign (she wrote the treacly text to accompany Stéphane Ruet's photos) not a squeak or a peep had been heard of her for nearly a month.

Worrying times indeed.

Heck even the international media was concerned with the Italian daily Corriere della sera getting in on the act and reporting that Trierweiler had vanished.

It was all too much.

A country firstladyless and desperate for news of its number one journalist.

Rumours - as they always do in such cases - began circulating.

Some maintained Trierweiler had been seen, rag in hand and scarf tied around head to protect her lustrous mane, cleaning the windows of the Elysée palace. Penance for bad behaviour?

Others insisted she had been sent away on a retreat to contemplate her navel, work out a strategy for making amends and think about what a naughty, naughty woman she had been.

But apart from unsubstantiated gossip, her real whereabouts remained a mystery.

"Where was she?" was the anxious yet silent cry that could be heard not just in France, but around the world.

It was almost enough to launch an Amber alert, don't you think?

Well, the answer can now be revealed.

(Drum roll please)

Calais.

Valérie Trierweiler makes the front page of local daily Nord littoral)

As the local daily (hey, she clearly knows how to make the news) Nord Littoral reported in its Tuesday edition, Trierweiler was seen...wait for it...drinking coffee in a café last week in Coulogne, a suburb of the northern French town of Calais.

She had apparently been visiting a centre for handicapped children run by the partner of a soldier killed while on duty in Afghanistan in June.

And the details of her reappearance were oh so very far removed from the juicy ones the French have all come to love and expect in the short time she has been their first thingamajig.

She reportedly brought her own food - very normal, don't you think?

The national media hadn't been informed ahead of time and in fact the centre only discovered Trierweiler would be paying a flying visit half an hour before she turned up.

The gentlest of gentle reintroductions to get her back into the swing of things with the feeling that the nation can now give a collective sigh of relief that Trierweiler is ready for a comeback deserving of her status.

And that'll be at the weekend when she appears at Hollande's side during France's annual display of military might and pride at the Bastille parade in Paris on Saturday.

And then it's off to Avignon for a spot of culture (her newly-discovered speciality at Paris Match, the international weekly news magazine for which she works) at the city's festival.

Relief indeed.

The French will be able to  sleep more soundly in their beds at night.

Welcome back.

Friday's French music break - Dave Dario, “Aujourd’hui”

Friday's French music break this week is from another of those contestants who took part, but didn't win the now-defunct television talent show Nouvelle Star: proving once again that the jury and the public don't always get it right.

Dave Dario (screenshot from “Aujourd’hui” official clip)

It's Dave Dario with his second single, “Aujourd’hui” - the kind of song that could well be surprise summer hit in France.

It's charming, easy on the ear and rides the wave of folk-influenced pop music which seems so fashionable at the moment.

There's also the obligatory mouth harmonica solo thrown in for good measure and of course, not forgetting that Dario actually has quite a pleasant voice.

Dario left his native Mauritius when he was just 17, first for South Africa and then London where he tried out unsuccessfully for X Factor.

In an interview recently he said the years spent in the UK were tough, but also helped him.

"I didn't have much money and I found myself busking quite a lot," he said.

"I managed to get by and slept on friends' sofas, waiting for the next audition."

One of those auditions was in Paris in 2010 for the eighth and, what would be, final season of Nouvelle Star.

The then 27-year-old made it through to the last 15, appearing each week on the show until being knocked out. He finished sixth behind the eventual winner Luce (Lucie Brunet) after weeks of not-exactly fulsome praise from the four-member jury who had chosen him in the first place.

Since then he has been quietly but consistently tailoring his craft, was recently the warm-up act at one of Canadian singer Isabelle Boulay's Paris concerts and has secured a recording contract with Polydor France.

His debut album, from which “Aujourd’hui” is taken, is due out later this year and is as Dario describes one which, "mixes pop, folk and groove," just in the image of the man himself with "warmth and sincerity."


Oh yes, and once again, he has a very pleasing voice to listen to.

So enjoy and let it groove you into a weekend feeling.

London on the move -those geographical wizards at CNN are at it again

Remember a couple of months ago when, during the G20 summit in Cannes the US cable news channel CNN managed to show a map during one report which placed the city not on the French Riviera but several hundred kilometres away in Spain?

No big deal perhaps as Cannes is only slightly well-known internationally for hosting an annual film festival and whoever was responsible for the mix-up can be forgiven for his or her error - can't they?

Obviously though the channel isn't content with "small fry" in its attempt to redraw the map of Europe.

It has now turned its attention to a much bigger "fish" - London.

(screenshot CNN)

Because in a report last weekend on the latest arrests in the 'phone hacking scandal that have "rocked" (don't you just love that word?) the United Kingdom, some bright spark at CNN managed to move the capital 120 miles to the north-east.

It is, according to the channel, now to be found in the county of Norfolk - right where Norwich used to be.

But wait.

That's not all.

CNN has also created an entirely new town in the south-west of the country; Cornwall.

That's reassuring isn't it?

Oh well, let's just hope that when it comes to the Summer Olympics the channel manages to get its act together.

On current form though, it doesn't bode well.

Jeannie Longo - a 58th national title for the 52-year-old

What is there left to say about French cyclist Jeannie Longo?

Sporting legend is such an overused expression, but if anyone deserves to be described as such, it's her.

Jeannie Longo (screenshot from BFM TV report)

On Thursday the 52-year-old (let's put that in capitals for those of you who might not have been paying attention; FIFTY-TWO-YEAR-OLD) once again beat women more than half her age to win the French national time trial at Boulogne-sur-Mer in northern France.

And as the regional daily La Dépêche du Midi says we're all running out of superlatives to describe her remarkable career.

Thursday's win - her fourth consecutive time trial title - brought her total tally of national road and track crowns to a mind-boggling 58.

Indeed the stats for her career at national, world and Olympic level are staggering.

Alongside those 58 national titles she has also 13 world championships victories to her name and four Olympic medals including one Gold in the 1996 Road Race at the Atlanta Games.

Speaking after Thursday's race Longo told reporters that she hadn't been that confident about being able to hold on to her title.

"It went well, but I wasn’t entirely confident today. I didn’t feel great," the women French journalists affectionately refer to as "Super Jeannie" or, with a degree of reverence in alluding to her age "Super Grannie", told reporters.

"This 58th title gives me immense pleasure and I'll admit to feeling a little nostalgic on the podium because (19)58 was also the year I was born."

So with title number 58 under her belt the question on many people's lips is whether she'll have another bash at the Olympics in London next year.

In Beijing in 2008 she narrowly missed out on a medal after she finished fourth in the Road Time Trial.

And although she's not yet mentioning the word retirement, Longo is hesitant to make any promises about next year.

"I'm not really sure I want the stress of international competition," she told reporters.

"If I were to train for the Olympics it would mean another year of stress...and I have a house to finish building," she continued.

"At this rate, I'll be living in a trailer for goodness know how long."

While the Olympics might remain a question mark in her diary, one more title beckons.

Longo is due to ride in the French national road race on Saturday.

She certainly puts the rest of us to shame.

G20 over but where was Carla?

The talking is over, the dining done and most importantly an historic deal has been agreed.

But away from the serious business of politics and economic, the burning question on many lips here in France - and apparently in the British media too - was where was Carla during the G20 in London?

You might remember that almost a year ago France's first lady, Carla Bruni-Sarkozy wowed the media the other side of the channel when she accompanied her hubbie on a state visit.

But there was no sign of her in London during the G20 and instead the French president, Nicolas Sarkozy, was left to cope on his own during the dinner thrown by the hosts, Britain's prime minister, Gordon Brown and his wife Sarah.

Sarkozy refused to answer journalists' questions as to his wife's whereabouts, according to the French glossy magazine, Gala, and instead was reportedly in "something of a sulk as he tucked into his meal isolated, without his beauty at his side to help him out with his less-than-perfect English."

So where was Carla?

Back home in the French capital according to a British tabloid, the Daily Mail, having a ciggie (tut tut) and putting her feet up.

In what the paper quite clearly saw as somewhat haughty behaviour from France's first lady, Bruni-Sarkozy's absence was described as being something of an insult to Sarah Brown, and more importantly perhaps explained in terms of her not wanting to be outshone by her US counterpart, Michelle Obama.

All right so that's perhaps one slightly less than generous clarification of Bruni-Sarkozy's absence.

Others included the more diplomatic interpretation of not wanting to appear to compete for the limelight with Michelle Obama.

In an interview with American television last November, Bruni-Sarkozy was full of praise for the new US first lady calling her "a strong, formidable and intelligent women, whom she was keen to meet."

Another explanation was that she found the idea of hanging on Sarkozy's arm more than a little boring and of course most unkind of all maybe that she didn't want to appear as yet another giant beside her much shorter husband during photo calls with the US presidential couple.

Of course Bruni-Sarkozy wasn't the only "no show" as the British daily, the Guardian points out.

Her husband may have had to "muddle through without her for a couple of days, but he was in good company as spouses of a couple of other G20 heads of state or government chose not to attend.

As is often the case on official business, Germany's chancellor Angela Merkel, was without her husband, Joachim Sauer, who rarely puts in an appearance at such events.

And Argentina's president, Cristina Fernandez, was also without her other half, Nestor Kirchner.

But as he was her predecessor in office, maybe that was just a bit of protocol coming into play.

Back to Bruni-Sarkozy though, and whatever might or might not have been the reasons behind her decision to stay at home, she will meet the US presidential pair this weekend - on home turf so-to-speak - as France hosts the Nato summit in Strasbourg.