Call me! French reggae group fans dial the right, wrong number

Have some sympathy for Anthony De Sousa.

The 24-year-old plumber from the town of Evreux in the region of Haute Normandie in northern France has been inundated with telephone calls and text messages these past few days and it's not because suddenly clients have discovered his talents with a wrench.

Nope.

Instead fans of the French reggae (well that's how they're described) group Tryo have been calling, hoping to be able to talk to one of the band's members.

(screenshot from video clip for "Greenwashing")

That's because the group included De Sousa's number at the end of one of the tracks of their recently released album "Ladilafé" with singer Guizmo telling listeners to 'Call me".

And that's exactly what fans have been doing according to the regional daily Paris Normandie.

"Often when I answer, the fans simply hang up immediately because they realise it's not Guizmo the other end of the line," De Sousa told the newspaper, clearly not amused that his number had apparently been used in a song but also feeling compelled to answer just in case it was a business call.

Tryo appear to be more than contrite for something which their record company said was 'an innocent mistake" with Guizmo simply coming up with a random number while in the recording studio without thinking of the possible consequences.

"We meant delete the number from the album but we simply forgot," said another band member, Bibou

According to Europe 1, they've apologised to De Sousa, offered to meet the costs of changing his mobile 'phone number and help out in any marketing campaign that might be necessary to inform existing clients and find new ones.

That should be the solution to De Sousa's problems although he's not too keen on the idea.

"I've built the business up over the past three years and clients know that they can reach me on this number," he said.

"I don't really want to have to change it."

A great media buzz for Tryo's new album (in the sense that any news is better than no news at all) but at the expense, albeit inadvertently, of poor ol' De Sousa.

Oh, one last thing. Tryo is the very same group which on their 1998 debut album "Mamagubida" included the track "France Télécom", a satirical song thanking the communications giant for the omnipresence of the mobile 'phone in everyday life.

Ah - the irony of it.

Incomplete faction: French mobile operator Orange to launch a new service "guaranteeing bugs"

After France's largest mobile 'phone operator and Internet provider, Orange, treated its 28 million users - and then some - to a total 12-hour blackout from Friday afternoon until the early hours of Saturday morning, the company says it has hit upon a new marketing strategy.

It has promised to increase its current list of easy-to-navigate and simple-to-understand subscriptions with a new limited-availability only offer.

(screenshot from Orange commercial)

Called "Way-you-go" it will apparently guarantee a minimum service to mobile 'phone users at a maximum price, ensuring that subscribers have absolutely no service for at least 12 hours every month at a time which the company promises will be "totally at random" and "most inconvenient".

"It's the future of telecommunications," says a release on the company's website, issued at the same time as an apology for the bug that hit the France Telecom subsidiary and thereby guaranteeing that nobody would be able to read it.

"Friday's crash was such a success and touched so many people that we've decided to make a regular thing of it."

In addition the company says it plans to launch a new "Up yours" subscription for customers taking advantage of its combined mobile 'phone and Internet offer to "ensure that we are able to continue to provide the kind of service our customers have come to expect."

"We'll also be transferring our helplines to non French-speaking countries just to make certain that anyone having problems will have as much difficulty as possible finding someone who can provide them with an immediate solution."

Full details are expected to be released by the end of the month.

Pure genius and surely proof, as Orange said in a recent advertising campaign, that it is only satisfied, "when able to offer a service the customer appreciates."

rnet provider, Orange, announces a new bug-laden service for customers.

French tennis player Alizé Cornet forgets to turn her mobile 'phone off during match

It was match point against her when French tennis player Alizé Cornet's mobile 'phone stared ringing.

Caroline Wozniacki serving for the match when Alizé Cornet's 'phone rings (screenshot from YouTube video)

We've all heard those announcements at the theatre, the cinema, a classical music concert, a live sporting event or whatever.

The reminder to those present to (if the organisers are feeling particularly polite) "Please turn off you mobile 'phones". Or at least put the ruddy thing on mute.

Ho hum.

No sooner said than done. And woe betide you should you fail to do so.

But what happens when it's not a member of the public but one of those being watched or listened to, who forgets?

This.

It was a first round match at the Swedish Open in Bastad between the world's number one ranked woman player, Caroline Wozniacki from Denmark and France's Alizé Cornet.

At 6-4, 5-3 and 40:30 up, Wozniacki was serving for the match when she - and everybody else present - heard a 'phone ring.

Wozniacki kept her cool and prepared to serve again, but once more the wretched thing went off.

Bemusement from Wozniacki and then a huge smile and laughter from everyone as the camera focused on her opponent who, realising she was in fact the offender, hurried to her kitbag to turn the thing off.

Applause and more laughter all round although it was hardly the "tremendous stuff" as suggested by the commentator on the accompanying video.

Wozniacki lost the game but went on to win the match 6-4, 6-4.

René la Taupe tops the French charts

René la Taupe (or René the mole) first hit the top of the French singles charts in September.

And now, five weeks later, the "virtual singing character" is still there, keeping off the likes of international stars (and real human beings) such as Shakira and Katy Perry.

Ah yes, from the country that has brought the world singers that include Edith Piaf to Charles Aznavour, or Serge Gainsbourg to Vanessa Paradis and not forgetting Carla Bruni-Sarkozy (Italian by birth, French by marriage) along the way, comes a little fellow that is...well "annoying" might be an appropriate world.

"Mignon mignon" is the critter's second hit single and, according to the entry on Wikipedia, took lyricist Séverine Thomazo all of seven minutes to write.

And the result of all that hard work has brought France and the world the following (first verse)

"Ce qui me plait chez toi
C’est ton petit bidon
Tes petites poignées d’amour
Je trouve ça trop mignon
Même si les autres dans la rue
Te trouvent un peu trop gras
Pour moi c’est confortable
Quand tu me prends dans tes bras"

Translated as:

"What I like about you
Is your little tummy,
I find your little love handles
Just too cute
Even if others in the street
Find you a little tubby
For me it's really snug
When you take me in your arms"

Ahem. All right.

Perhaps not Grammy award-winning material, but a commercial success nevertheless.

You want more?

Well there's the accompanying video of course available on YouTube and Dailymotion.

Wander over to Facebook and you'll find thousands of "friends" on both the pro and anti René la Taupe pages

And naturally there's a blog which tells you how to download the remixed ringtone.

That's right - ringtone.

Move over Myspace, the mobile 'phone is now clearly THE place to launch a perhaps short-lived but all-the-same lucrative singing career.

Because France's top-selling song is from an "artist" created to help promote and market a mobile 'phone content provider.

A Christmas song is rumoured to be in the works.

Hooray!

René la Taupe - Mignon Mignon (Version longue) Vidéo ambrase13 sélectionnée dans Humour

Sarkozy, the French Socialist party's "head of human resources"

He's at it again. The French president, Nicolas Sarkozy, has been bashing the opposition Socialist party.

And while it wasn't supposed to have been recorded on camera, somehow a clip of his sometimes less-than-diplomatic (and in this case probably intentional) way with words has managed to make its way on to the Net.

It occurred earlier this week at a meeting of 800 or so faithful of the governing centre-right Union pour un Mouvement Populaire) Union for a Popular Movement,UMP) party at Lingolsheim in the east of France.

Sarkozy was there rallying support among party members, with an eye on the regional elections next March.

It was supposed to be a "closed" session: no journalists, no cameras and nothing to record what was said - apart from those present.

Except, as often seems to be the case under such circumstances, someone couldn't resist using their mobile 'phone to capture some of the more choice moments, especially when the president chose to tell the audience what he thought was wrong with the opposition Socialist party.

It started off gently enough with some comments on the process of "opening up the government", which has characterised Sarkozy's time in office ever since he came to power in May 2007.

"I didn't need to reach out (to other political parties)," he said.

"I've done it because I think France is a country that needs to be reminded of the need for tolerance and not bigotry or division. It's a country that has to be more tolerant."



And then Sarkozy decided to turn his attention to what he thought was wrong with the opposition Socialist party by joking about its leadership in a way he has done before.

"You know what the Socialist party really lacks is a director of human resources," he said.

"They've got the talent but they simply don't know how to use it, so I've decided to do the job for them and to become their HR director," he continued.

And then just to drive the point home, he added, "(Dominique) Strauss-Kahn? He's in Washington. (Bernard) Kouchner? With us. Jack Lang? With me.

"A party like that with such talent...and then it chooses Martine Aubry or Ségolène Royal."

While there was apparently "polite" laughter among those gathered, one person seemed not be be so enthusiastic, and used a mobile 'phone to record the "highlights" and that in spite of instructions that no filming be allowed.

Even though the clip has made its way on to the Net, what he said was certainly not a faux pas on the part of the French president, but a shared (not-so) private joke with those that would most appreciate it and one with which many others might well agree.

Plus given the fact that Sarkozy has in the past referred to himself as the Socialist party's director of human resources in front of television cameras, it's unlikely that he regrets the story getting out to a wider audience.

The death of Jocelyn Quivrin and the rise of the "new monsters"

The omnipresent mobile 'phone complete with camera capability can capture moments that many, and not just those in the media spotlight, might wish to forget.

A quick "click" and the damage is done with videos and pictures making their way to a wider audience via the Net as everyone and anyone becomes a "photojournalist".

But sometimes there has to be a limit, as would hopefully appear to be the case in the recent death of the French actor, Jocelyn Quivrin.

Just over a week ago Quivrin was killed in a road accident as he apparently lost control of his car at the entrance to a tunnel on a motorway in a western suburb of Paris.

Quivrin, who most recently appeared in the French film LOL (Laughing out loud) alongside Sophie Marceau, was just 30 years old.

Initial media reports suggested that he had been driving his Ariel Atom, a high performance sports car, well in excess of the speed limit especially as the vehicle's speedometer had been blocked on impact at 230 kilometres per hour (143 mph).

Police however were more circumspect and their caution seemed to be warranted according to a report in the daily newspaper Le Parisien, which said that experts' analysis indicated that he had been travelling at 97 kilometres an hour before the accident happened.

But the exact circumstances around Quivrin's death remain unclear even though police have called for eye witnesses, and this is perhaps where the tale takes a more than slightly macabre turn with the presence of a mobile 'phone.

Because someone on the scene shortly after the accident occurred and before the emergency services arrived decided to use their 'phone to take some images of what had happened and then try to sell them to the highest bidder.

Thankfully though the French media didn't take the bait. In fact among those offered the film there was outright condemnation.

"Pure voyeurism," headlined the French news website, Le Post, which also informed readers that a deputy editor-in-chief of a weekly magazine had turned down the pictures saying they had "been taken minutes after the accident, but there's no question of our buying them and to be quite honest it's appalling."

And from Jean-Claude Elfassi, one of this country's most notorious paparazzi and therefore no stranger to controversy himself, came equally strong language and the description of such behaviour as that of 'the new monsters".

"This person is sadly like so many others," he wrote.

"He tried to negotiate (payment) for these pictures with my friend, Guillaume Clavières, the head of photography for Paris Match, a magazine that has published some of the biggest scoops of the century," he continued.

"But Guillaume didn't want to sell his soul to the devil, and I can understand that."

While the pictures haven't yet surfaced in the pages of a magazine, maybe it's only a matter of time before an editor somewhere decides that it's worth paying a euro or two in an effort to boost circulation figures.

Let's hope not.

France Telecom's new monthly phone bill record: €159,000

If you've been following the story of astronomical mobile 'phone bills here in France, you'll know that in the past week two cases have made the headlines: One for over €45,000 and another for €39,500.

Well, if you thought you had heard the end of it or that those amounts were as steep as it gets, think again.

Now comes news of a bill that makes the others all but pale into insignificance - as if that were possible - one for over €159,000.

It's a case that dates back to May this year but has only just been made public and is hardly great public relations for Orange, the mobile 'phone network operator and Internet service provider of this country's main telecommunications company, France Telecom.

It involves Jean Spadaro, an accident and emergency doctor from Fontainebleau, a town 70 kilometres south east of the French capital, who back in November 2008 chose a subscription based on €30 a month which would allow him an Internet connection using a 3G key.

But as the months went by he noticed that both his use of the 'phone and naturally the size of his bills were increasing, so he decided to change his subscription.

"By April this year I saw that my monthly bills were as much as €860 so I opted instead for the business 'unlimited access' option at €50 a month," he said.

"But when I received the bill at the end of May, I couldn't believe my eyes: €159,212 for one month's worth of connection."

Just as in the other two cases that have filled column inches and airwaves in France this week, Spadaro had fallen victim to that "unlimited access" clause for users who had signed the Orange business contract, which in fact is anything but "unlimited" in that it only refers to the time spent using the 'phone and not the maximum one gigabyte volume allowed each month.

Spadaro insists that nobody had ever explained to him that "unlimited access" didn't exactly mean what it implied when he signed the 10-page contract complete with obligatory small print.

So what has France Telecom got to say about this and the other cases that have hit the headlines over the past week?

The man charged with that thankless task was the company's director of business markets, Jean-Paul Cottet.

Speaking on France 2 television's lunchtime news programme on Wednesday, Cottet once again explained the real meaning of "unlimited access" admitting that there was probably still work to be done in clarifying to business customers exactly what each option available offered, and the limits contained within each contract.

But while acknowledging that in Spadaro's case there had been an error in issuing the bill that hadn't taken into account the request to change the terms of the customer's contract, the problem of exorbitant bills wasn't a widespread one.

"There have been problems with only one per cent of the 4,000 users who've opted for the business formula with the 3G key," he said.

"Around 30 contested bills are currently under review and we'll deal with each customer on a case-by-case basis."

A new case of mobile phone bill madness in France

Just another news-making day in France for Orange, the mobile 'phone network operator and Internet service provider of this country's main telecommunications company, France Telecom.

And that of course can only mean an astronomical bill for someone, somewhere.

Or at least, so it would seem, based on recent evidence.

Following hot on the heels of the story of Eric Gernez, who received a demand for payment courtesy of Orange, of over €45,000 for one month's worth of Internet charges comes the case of Christophe Aupy-Fagues.

http://www.france-today.com/2009/11/one-frenchmans-monster-45000-internet.html

When the company director in the town of Saint-Herblain in western France opened the most recent bill for his firm's mobile 'phone just last Friday he too, just as Gernez before him, received a nasty surprise.

The sum charged was a whopping €39,500 a figure, which Aupy-Fagues said, represented almost 10 per cent of his company's annual turnover.

Just to make matters worse Aupy-Fagues pays his 'phone bill by standing order so the money would have already left the company account had he not immediately contacted the bank and blocked the transfer.

All right, so it wasn't quite as much as the monstrous bill Gernez had been sent, but the period for which Aupy-Fagues had been charged was shorter - just 15 days - which meant that he had run up daily costs of...well you do the maths.

So what's going on here?

Well, the "offender", if you will, had been his business partner who had been on a trip to Spain and taken the 'phone with him.

But as far as Aupy-Fagues was concerned the real culprits were the 3G 'phone, Orange itself and the "unlimited access" contract he had signed with the company.

It was - and is - only valid for use in France, a vital detail of which, Aupy-Fagues maintains, he had never been informed, and the astronomical charges accumulated were a result of that infamous "roaming".

"If we had known that unlimited access was confined to France, my business partner would never have taken the 'phone with him," said Aupy-Fagues, who also blames Orange-France Telecom for not providing its customers with sufficient information or alerting them when charges appear to spiral out of control.

"Nobody got in touch with us or sent us a warning that the charges we had accrued were of such enormous proportions," he said.

Aupy-Fagues is still waiting for an explanation from Orange and hopes there has been some sort of mistake, but in the meantime he intends to try to find other "victims of the 3G key" in France

What's the betting he and Gernez are not the only ones?

The future still isn't Orange - but here's hoping

In August last year I went through the rigmarole of trying to replace a defunct mobile telephone, after just six months of use.

And what do you know, I've just been through the same experience all over again, and the customer service offered to me by my provider Orange, served as a reminder that the company might be trying but they still haven't managed to live up to the advertising that the future is....Orange.

Let me take you back to Summer 2008 for a moment.

Back then I spent a holiday away from the beck and call of my mobile because it gave up the ghost.

It was bliss - only temporary mind you - but it reminded me of those halcyon days when I had a valid excuse for not being obtainable.

I couldn't make or receive calls or messages, which I'll freely admit a real pleasure.

But all good things must come to an end, and I knew I wouldn't be able to remain happily "out of touch" for too much longer. So I resorted to the good old-fashioned landline to put in that call to "get it sorted."

Here in France there are basically three main mobile operators, SFR, Bouygues and the biggest of the lot Orange - the all-powerful, customer-loving arm of the former state-owned but now private telecommunications company France Telecom.

I, along with millions of others, have the "pleasure" of being a subscriber to the last one.

In Ye Olden Days, the chances were that you when you wanted to get something done (about a 'phone) you would hang on the end of someone else's line for hours on end, waiting to talk to someone, and the company might or might not send a man round to "fix it".

At the very least there was a fair chance of talking to a real live human being (eventually) and even perhaps being able to put a face to the company.

Nowadays of course there's the multi-buttoned digital 'phone hotline which initially offers you tinny muzak followed by that belovéd computerised voice telling you to do something resembling the following:

"Press one for customer services, two for technical issues, three for billing, four for queries regarding the internet, five for mobile 'phones and six for other inquiries.

"If you would like to speak to one of our agents, please press nine."

Whatever happened to seven and eight you might well ask. Presumably they're still in the planning phase.

I put in that call to Orange customer services, listened to the lovely muzak, pressed what I thought were all the right buttons and eventually got through to a human voice to explain my predicament.

After asking me innumerable questions and checking through my records, I was informed that in fact my problem (or that of the 'phone) was a technical one and I would have to talk to someone from that department.

"Please hold the line and I'll transfer you," followed by some more muzak.

Moments later up popped another person, to whom I related my story, same questions but different record. Apparently they had no trace of my having changed my 'phone the previous year and as far as they were concerned I still had my old Motorola.

Before proceeding with my problem I would "have to contact customer services for them to update my details."

Ah yes privatisation and modern technology had certainly been compounded by French bureaucracy and simple human error - a lethal cocktail at the best of times.

So another call, more number pressing and of course a different person back at customer services to whom I could tell my story for the third time.

There then followed an interlude - no muzak this time around, just that eery silence that was the prelude to the creeping realisation that even in this modern era it was still possible to be "cut off" in one's prime.

The fourth attempt to an inevitably new voice actually yielded some results. Yes their records said I currently had a Nokia and they would ensure that the technical department was informed. Moreover if I had a problem with the 'phone they (customer services) could send me a replacement and would I like them to do that?

Well yes, that might be the solution I thought, and hastily agreed.

"But in the meantime you might want to check your SIM card in another 'phone (as if I had access to multiple mobiles) just to test whether that's where the problem lies. In which case you would need to contact the technical services to have them issue another one - SIM card that is."

Ah that little devil, the delightfully tripping-off-the-tongue named Subscriber Identity Module aka SIM card was perhaps at the root of my problems.

I thanked voice #4 for her assistance, hung up and called on the generosity of a friend to allow me to try my SIM card in his 'phone. It didn't work, which meant that the problem lay not with my soon-to-be-replaced, in-perfect-working-order 'phone but with my SIM card.

Call number five, a by now automatic explanation which I pretty much had off pat and within minutes a new SIM card ordered which "Would be with me by the end of the week sir."

"So as I don't need the new 'phone, how can I cancel its delivery?" I asked.

"That's no problem sir, we'll do it for you," was the cheerful and helpful response.

Perhaps I should have known better, as this was after all from the same department that had absolutely no record of my having changed my 'phone in the first place.

But still having faith in the spoken word leading to the deed, and that everything would be resolved by others, I waited for my new SIM card.

Next day "You have a new message" pops up on my computer and there's an email telling me that my new 'phone and SIM card are ready for collection at the nearest tobacconist (don't ask) on presentation of proof of identity and in exchange for my old 'phone.

Well that was then, and this is now. Roll the clock forward six months to April 2009, and I'm on a business-pleasure trip for a longish weekend across the Pond when what do you know?

My phone's screen flickers its last breath and disappears entirely.

I could still make calls if I knew the numbers (which because I have that sort of memory I do) but I couldn't access my address book, incoming calls were just not to be recognised (I always have the phone on vibrate and silent, so that wasn't working either) and messages - forget 'em.

Déjà vu in capital letters.

Arriving back in France I hotfooted it down to the nearest Orange shop - once bitten twice shy in terms of using the helpline.

I explained and demonstrated my problem - although how exactly you can show that something isn't there still perplexes me - and guess what!

They told me to ring the customer helpline (free from the shop) and describe what was wrong.

Now that's service for you!

Anyway, that's of course exactly what I did, managing to change my subscription and order a new 'phone, which arrived at that very same tobacconist a few days later, and I'm now the proud owner of an Apple iphone.

Even though I don't really have much of a clue as to how it works or how all the special bells and whistles it seems to have function, all I'm hoping is that it'll last longer than six months.

And should that turn out not to be the case for whatever reason, I'm keeping my fingers crossed that my next encounter with my provider will prove that the future is just a little more Orange than it currently appears to be.

Excuse me one moment, I have a "call waiting".