Happy birthday M. President

So the French president, François Hollande, turns 60 on August 12.

No big bash planned, which is a bit of a shame really as the nation could do with a little glamour and glitz at the moment (especially as the weather ain't doin' what it's supposed to be).

All right, so all those economic indicators are far from being fine and dandy. But hasn't a party always proven a good way of, at least for just a moment, lifting the spirits and enabling people to focus on something other than their own plight.

Or is that war?

Although Hollande is indeed thinking about military involvement (for purely humanitarian reasons, you understand) in Iraq, or at least supporting US air strikes, he's much more reticent and indeed "pudique" when it comes to personal matters.

All part of his oxymoronic "President Normal" concept perhaps, whereby as a head of state he tries to appear to be like any other "regular" citizen both in terms of behaviour and image...except, well he clearly isn't because he's...er...head of state.

Anyway, apparently Hollande will be blowing out the candles  on Tuesday at an "undisclosed location" somewhere in the southeast of France - and not even one of the official presidential residences such as the much-disliked (by him) Fort de Brégançon in the département of Var (which instead is open to the public throughout the whole of the summer)

He'll reportedly be surrounded by Thomas, Clémence, Julien and Flora, his four children from his 30 plus year partnership (remember the president who reluctantly saw through legislation for "Mariage pour tous" has never actually tied the knot himself) to Ségolène Royal.

That's all.

Not even his closest political allies and long-time friends Michel Sapin (the current finance minister who was also a classmate during Hollande's - and Royal's - days at École nationale d'administration) or Stéphane Le Foll (the minister of agriculture and government spokesperson) have been asked along.

Now, you can bet your bottom centime that had You Know Who been re-elected back in 2012, there would have been a suitably Bling Bling affair in January next year when the nation could have joined in the festivities - or not, as it saw fit.

Ah well. Tant pis.

As the French haven't been able to offer up their esteemed current leader a collective birthday wish and as nobody in the media seems about to come forward and do the necessary tra-la-la.

And because neither Seggers, Valérie nor Julie have uttered a public "joyeux anniversaire" for their (respectively) former, former, future (???) other half,  here's a borrowed present from the past to wish Hollande all the very best.

It's how a certain Hollywood icon interpreted the song "Happy birthday" for "her" president back in 1962, when he turned 45.



Come to think of it, maybe Hollande's oldest son, Thomas, will drag his girlfriend along, French singer Joyce Jonathan, for a bit of celebratory warbling.

Jonathan might not be nearly as sultry as Marylin, but she sure has a pretty enough voice.

Now, how do you do those irritating smiley-face emoticons?

François Hollande's Spanish-speaking "double"

Do not adjust your screens.

What you see in the first picture below and the video at the end is not a younger François Hollande off to a fancy dress party in a priest's outfit.

Rather, it's the real thing - a man of the cloth that is and not the French president.

Javier Alonso Sandoica (screenshot 13 TV)

A few years younger and more than several few kilos lighter by the looks of things, Javier Alonso Sandoica is blessed with mid-length flowing locks (all their natural colour, it should be added) and a television presence the French president would probably envy.

He presents a weekly slot on Spain's 13 TV in which he interviews a guest for just under 10 minutes, asks pertinent questions and seems fully at ease in front of the camera.

It was a screenshot of one of those programmes that was picked up by and Internaut, AminK, who noticed the resemblance between the two and posted on to his Twitter account with a short (well it was Twitter after all) "Someone has brought to my attention that President Hollande has a lookalike on Spanish TV. It makes me laugh a lot."

AminK's original Tweet (screenshot)

Others too seemed to be amused as the photo set the (French) Twittersphere alight with retweets.

Anyway, what do you think? Here are the two men side by side. Javier Alonso Sandoica is the one on the left just in case you were wondering.

And come to think of it, if it's supposed to be a "younger" François Hollande, wouldn't that perhaps make Father Javier more of a dead ringer for the French president's oldest son Thomas.

Thomas Hollande (screenshot from video taken at François Hollande rally in Dijon, March 2012)

Or does he (Thomas) have too much of the Ségolène Royal about him?

While we're in the realms of pure fancy, does anyone know of a suitable Seggers look-alike or Valérie Trierweiler doppelgänger?

Espagne : un prêtre espagnol, sosie de François Hollande ? Vidéo jeanmarcmorandini 

No fairy tale ending for Valérie Trierweiler and the presdiential children

Our story begins once upon a time in a faraway land where a little girl of the humblest of origins named Enrage Loosely dreamt of power and glory.

Her goal, to rule the country of her parents' birth and to be adored and proclaimed by the citizens of fair France.

Loosely wanted to Do Good.

She worked hard, won scholarships and admission to the toppest of French schools meeting along the way the completely normal man who was to become first her Charming and later the Prince Normal of his own destiny.

The couple would have four children together with Loosely valiantly balancing a rising political career and motherhood, even prepared to go on national TV shyly but proudly presenting her last born who entered the world while her mother was still ministering the environment.

Ségoléne Royal after the birth of her daughter Flora (screenshot France TV news)

Yes, Loosely had her sights set high, and while some might have called her naïve, she was steadfast in her determination with a brilliant mind, retiring and indefatigable in her ambition to Do Good unto France and for the party she had chosen to benefit from her unwavering support.

There came the time when, while remaining as ever her delightfully unassuming self, Loosely took on the mighty Heffalumps and against all expectations other than her own (dis)belief was crowned the chosen one by the party faithful to do battle with Crazily Ass Nook for the Highest of Offices after which they both hankered.

Alas, with knives in her back and tears in her eyes, Loosely was defeated, bravely rallying her supporter and wandering off into the distance for a deserved period of R'n'r and a strong cup of tea.

She returned refreshed and ready to fight to the bitter end with Nearby Atrium to wrest  the reins of power of the party from the Heffalumps and return it to the people.

Once again Loosely's motives were purely for the Common Good and that of the party. But Atrium had friends in very high places and connived her way to the narrowest of victories leaving a desolate Loosely to lick her wounds once more.

Cheated out of her rightful win, Loosely's attention once again turned towards that Highest Office, but yet again there was an insurmountable barrier (well several actually) in the slimmed -down form of her former Charming.

For yes, it was he who was crowned Prince Normal in her place, leaving Loosely with one last hope: that her former Charming turned Prince Normal would assist her in another crusade for the Common Good - to be perched at the head of those the people elected to govern the country.

But as had so often been the case, Loosely was to be outdone - or ouTWITTED  this time around -  by the new love of her former Charming, the stunningly gifted and intelligent Eerier Twirl - a wronger of some renoun (sic) and a woman never to hold a grudge when a stiletto in the right place would do the trick.

Cognisant that her Prince(ly) Normal president had previously had a woman in his life, Eerier Twirl, professed she was ready to "fait avec" and promptly proved as much by supporting Loosely's successful opponent in yet another unwarranted electoral embarrassment thus rendering propulsion to the perch impossible.

Loosely was devastated and Prince Normal weren't none too happy with the outcome neither, but the deed had been done and privately Eerier Twirl (and many other uncharitable folk across the land) was (were) delighted.

But Eerier Twirl hadn't counted on the wrath of the Royal Normalities, those four children, Thomas, Clémence, Julien and the infant TV star Flora, begotten of Prince Normal and Loosely.

They had grown up to be handsome young men and even handsomer young women and as handsome does, they stood by their distraught mother.

They no longer wished to have contact with the woman who had stilettoed Loosely and let it be known through sauces (sic) that they had "Played the game and done their bit during the presidential campaign but had been hurt by the apparent jealousy (of Eerier Twirl) expressed towards their mother."

So there you have it.

Valerie Trierweiler is "persona non grata" as far as the children of the French president, François Hollande and his former partner Ségolène Royal are concerned.

She might very well have had to "fait avec" with the fact that Hollande had another woman in his life before her, as she admitted recently in a behind-the-scenes book on the presidential campaign.

But as the weekly glossy magazine Voici says, the decision of the Hollande-Royal children when it comes to Trierweiler is that they have decided to "faire sans".

And they all lived happily ever after?