Rugbymania – a mightily padded spectacle

The Nation is holding its collective breath in anticipation of six weeks worth of sparkling sportsmanship culminating in a wished-for, wonderful win for the hosts.

Well that’s certainly the impression being given by the media and promoters of the rugby world cup.

The country’s hopes are pinned on the 15 Dieux de Stade, (or rather the full squad of 30) - who’ve taken time out from posing for shots for the next raunchy edition of their annual pin-up calendar - to bring glory and pride on a level not witnessed since the glory days of the 1998 football world cup.

Not surprisingly perhaps, even the President, Nicolas Sarkozy, has jumped on the bandwagon and is reportedly brushing up his knowledge of the gentleman’s game. The team manager, Bernard Laporte – a man who speaks faster than a TGV train travels – has put his lads through months of gruelling preparation and is determined to finish his coaching career on a high. And the country expects great things of the Great Tinkerer and his prodigies, especially after convincing performances in their warm-up games.

There again, if it all goes pear-shaped for him, Laporte still has the comfort of a new job once the tournament is over, as he’s due to take up his new post in government as a junior sports minister. So much for not mixing sport and politics.

In spite of all the hype there’s one major problem with the event. There are simply too many countries involved who will be either fodder or warm-up practice for the top teams during the group stage. Padding on a major scale has led to the inclusion of 20 countries, many of them with little or no real tradition of playing rugby. Portugal, for example, only has 4,000 registered players back home – all of them amateurs. And even if the whole lot took to the field in their match against the mighty New Zealand, the chances are they would still be thrashed.

The US will also be fielding a largely amateur team as they take on giants South Africa and England, and will probably stand as much chance of reaching the knock-out stage as Namibia, who in the 2003 competition narrowly lost to powerhouse Australia 0-142! Oh yes and spare a thought for the Japanese, who in one of their preparation games squared up against a second string All Blacks – and managed just 17 points against 147.

So expect some cricket scores in the opening games, before the real competition starts in the quarterfinals.

Of course the organisers will argue that the best way to promote rugby internationally is to include those smaller nations. But in the five previous tournaments, countries in the top tier (New Zealand, Australia, South Africa, England, Ireland, Scotland, Wales, and France) have filled 35 out of the 38 places in the knockout stages.

Argentina and Samoa will hope for a repeat of their previous exploits and prevent one of the favourites making it through, and Italy are also likely to be spoilers in their group. But the simple truth is that there is a huge imbalance of power and the skills in the rugby world and this tournament just ain’t going to chance that.

Still, when the nonsense of the first couple of weeks is over, the real competition should get underway – and that promises some delicious match-ups. Australia versus England, or New Zealand versus Ireland in the quarterfinals for example. Now even President Sarkozy, with his newly discovered love of the game, would be up for that. And better still if, as hoped, the French get their hands on the Webb Ellis Cup on October 20 (against New Zealand?) that’ll surely provide a lovely “bounce” for everyone this side of the channel.