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Thursday, 22 November 2012

Incomplete animal faction - French cows want "Mariage pour tous"

It might seem that the French president, François Hollande, is blowing hot and cold in his support for same-sex marriage, but the country's cows are clear where they stand.

The official organisation representing both France's dairy and beef herds has issued a statement demanding that the draft legislation dubbed "Mariage pour tous" or "Marriage for everyone" be taken literally and be extended to allow cows to tie the knot.

La Normande (from Wikipedia)

Speaking from her pasture in northwestern France, the president of "Oh la vache!", Marguerite la Normande, told reporters that the current proposals were clearly discriminatory.

"At the last count there were more than 3.5 million dairy cows in France alone and everyone knows that we constitute a vital part of the rural economy," she said.

"It's just not fair that the debate so far has centred on marriage between two men or two women. What about us? We also have feelings," she continued.

"And we have the means to protest and get our point across," she added.

"Just imagine the effect it would have, for example, on cheese production, if we up-uddered tomorrow and refused to be milked."

La Normande's "Oh la vache!" has already had what she describes as "moo-ving support" from several government ministers, but there has not yet been any official response from the Elysée palace.

That might be down to the fact that Hollande is still busy trying to work out what he meant when he told the national mayors’ conference earlier this week that the country's locally-elected mayors would have "freedom of conscience" to decide whether to perform marriage ceremonies and then appeared to do a U-turn the following day,

But if the French president has been slow to react, the same cannot be said for groups opposed to "Mariage pour tous".

"It's this sort of threat that the Archbishop of Lyon, Cardinal Philippe Barbarin, warned against last month," said a spokesman for the movement Civitas, well-known for its objective and humanistic opinions on all social matters.

"The very basis upon which French society is built is in danger if the proposals for same-sex marriage become law," he continued.

"Cardinal Barbarin said it was one step on the road to legalising incest and polygamy - in fact the very destruction of all our principles and morals. And here's the proof now, with cows also wanting to marry. Never!"

La Normande, who has personal reasons for feeling so strongly about the issue, hopes that her organisation will be able to persuade the French president to introduce a new clause into the draft proposals, although she admits she doesn't have a great deal of faith in Hollande sticking to his initial election promise, let alone meeting her demands.

"He's a man who seems to enjoy chewing the cud almost as much as I do, and never actually making up his mind," she said.

"Still I remain hopeful he'll take on board how important this issue is to the French bovine population and take into account our own person feelings," she continued.

"I've been engaged to a bull at a neighbouring farm for over a year. He already has the ring in his nose and I'm just waiting for him to be able to put it on my hoof."

Moo!

Wednesday, 21 November 2012

Can France find its Pudsey?

M6 is currently broadcasting the seventh season of "La France a un incroyable talent", the French equivalent of "Britain's got talent".

Canadian impresario - Gilbert Rozon, the artistic director of Cirque Pinder - Sophie Edelstein and Wouter Levenbach - the Dutch-born singer better-known in this country under his stage name Dave - are back again sitting through the usual motley bunch of acts from which they and later the viewers - can find that "incredible talent".

Precocious children all "autodidact" of course convinced they can sing, dance or play an instrument.

Acrobats from around the world (that's right, the programme is not confined to purely French "talent") who've clearly trained professionally but want an extra bit of exposure by being on telly.

Dance troupes in all shapes and sizes.

"Comedians"- well they think they're funny even if nobody else does.

Those with a message, political, social or just downright dumb such as bursting out of a bin liner or slapping food all over the table.

Motorbikers, magicians, drag acts, choirs - young and old - bands, singers...the list goes on an on.

Still it makes for - ahem - suitably mindless television with presenters Sandrine Corman and her sidekick Alex Goude entertaining themselves as much as the viewers and all the while keeping the show going.

Somehow though anyone watching must be left with the feeling that the real "talent" is to be found elsewhere, especially as immediately following the programme there is the additional and imaginatively- named "La France a un incroyable talent, ça continue".

It recaps what has just been broadcast - very handy if you missed the show in the first place - takes a look at what has happened to past contestants since they first appeared and, most importantly perhaps, allows viewers a glimpse of what's going on in other countries.

And given the original concept is one that has pretty much been picked up around the world, there's obviously enough material out there.

Somehow though you get the feeling that the copies aren't really a patch on the original which gave the world Susan Boyle (although she didn't win) back in 2009 and earlier this year brought us a 16-year-old girl and her dog.


Pudsey (screenshot from "Britain's got talent")
That's right. Ashleigh Butler and her six-year-old performing Border Collie, Bichon Frise and Chinese Crested cross Pudsey walked - or should that be danced? - off with the title of "Britain's got talent" in May this year.

And it's only thanks to "La France a un incroyable talent, ça continue" that viewers here have finally discovered the dog's truly amazing talent.

So here's the video.

Enjoy.

Woof.

Monday, 19 November 2012

UMP party president...and the winner is.....

Could we have drum roll please.

It's Jean-François Copé!

Er.

François Fillon!

Hang about - nobody!

Even though both men declared themselves victorious in the opposition centre-right Union pour un Mouvement Populaire (Union for a Popular Movement,UMP) party's election to choose a new president over the weekend, the post is still vacant.

That's right folks, the UMP organised itself a piss-up in a brewery, asking its 300,000 or so members to choose between the two men and then suspending the count overnight because it was too close to call.

Oh yes, and as this French politics, there were the usual claims of vote-rigging or fraud.


Jean-François Copé "I'm the winner" (screenshot BFM TV)

"There's no question that the results from polling stations, where there have been suggestions of vote rigging, should be taken into account," Copé told BFM TV on Monday morning, confirming that he was the winner.

"But even if they were, then I would still be the winner," he said.

Right. Very clever M. Copé - basically win-win.

"I'm waiting for the vote to be validated by the party commission charged with overseeing the election. And I'm confident I'll be confirmed as the winner."


Copé : "Oui, j'ai gagné cette élection" par BFMTV

Yes. Well. Copé didn't wait for confirmation on Sunday, appearing before supporters to declare that he had won by a couple of thousand votes.

Only to have Fillon announce a few minutes later that he had in fact won - by an even smaller margin.


François Fillon says he has won (screenshot BFM TV)


"Our party is still unable to declare the result officially," Fillon said in the small hours of Monday morning, after having earlier countered Copé's claims of victory with his own.

"It's a major malfunction and I'm completely shocked."

Oh come, come M. Fillon.

Shocked?

This is French politics after all.

And look what happened to the Socialist party in November 2008 as Martine Aubry and Ségolène Royal slugged it out amid claims of stuffed ballot boxes and "missing" votes.

http://www.france-today.com/2008/11/frances-socialist-party-soap-opera.html

It's par for the course.

Plus ça change - and all that.

So the party - no the country...oh well go on then, the media - waits on tenterhooks for a final decision and...

Wait, who's that in the (far-right) wings gleefully rubbing their hands in anticipation of the UMP imploding.

Oh look. It's Florian Philipott,  the vice-president of the Front National.

"We're experiencing live the demise of the UMP," he said.

"What's clear is that whoever is elected president of the party will not have a real mandate because in effect what you will exist, is a party split into two."





Cue ABBA!

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