Valérie Trierweiler's Tweet of support for Ségolène Royal's opponent

It was probably too good to last; the self-declared "normal" presidency of François Hollande.

He, his party and France have now been treated to the sort of celebrity-cum-politics behaviour reminiscent of the days of his predecessor Nicolas Sarkozy.

And it's largely thanks to Hollande's partner, Valérie Trierweiler.

Valérie Trierweiler (screenshot YouTube video)

While the leader of the Socialist party, Martine Aubry, was on a "Save Ségolène Royal" mission to help the party's chosen candidate in her battle to win a seat in the second round of parliamentary elections, Trierweiler was putting her best stiletto heel foot forward and in the process carving out a new role for herself.

That of, in the words of L'Express magazine, the "minister of jealousy".

Trierweiler Tweeted (or should that be Twat) a message of support - for Olivier Falorni, the man running against Royal.

He has been a long-time Hollande supporter, even apparently at a time when it wasn't particularly fashionable, and as a loyal and experienced "man on the ground" had expected to be the party's candidate in the safe constituency of La Rochelle in the département of Charente-Maritime.

But the party decided differently, parachuting in Royal to contest the seat which would be the first step towards her eventually playing an important role and one she covets, as the president of the national assembly.

Farlorni, who's no fan of Royal, refused to withdraw his candidature, was suspended by the party and was only narrowly beaten in last Sunday's first round.

He's staying in the race for next weekend's second round and  presents a real threat to Royal's ambitions.

Enter stage left, the non-elected "minister of jealousy", Valerie Trierweiler, with a Tweet in which she wished Forloni "bon courage" and recognised his "years of selfless commitment (to the party)."

Just 146 not-so-innocent characters guaranteed to have an impact as the Socialist party was left jaw-to-floor, the centre-right Union pour un Mouvement Populaire (Union for a Popular Movement, UMP) enjoyed the distraction from its own problems and the media - well, went wild with a story in an otherwise rather - er - dull election campaign.

So why did she do it?

Why did Trierweiler send that message of support using a social network knowing full well that it would be out there for everyone and anyone to read?

After all she's an experienced journalist, knows what she's doing, and is far - very far - from being daft.

Maybe, after all, there's something in that headline in L'Express and Trierweiler, even though she's now first lady, still resents Royal, the woman who was Hollande's partner for 30 years and with whom he had four children.

Jealousy - really?

Why not?

Trierweiler is on record as saying she didn't vote for Royal in the first round of the 2007 presidential elections and abstained in the second.

After reading in Paris Match - the magazine for which she writes - a piece on Thomas Hollande in which he was described as the oldest child of the "couple Royal-Hollande", Trierweiler sent her colleague a terse text message saying "The ex-couple Royal-Hollande. What are you playing at?"

And that moment at the victory celebrations at Place de la Bastille in Paris after Hollande had beaten Sarkozy in last month's presidential elections was surely a sign of what was to come.

Did you notice it? Trierweiler - and many others - certainly did: Hollande giving Royal a peck on the cheek.

How did she react? With an "order" so easy to read from her lips that Hollande kiss her on the mouth - now - in front of everyone.

The "Nicolas and Carla" show might no longer be centre stage as far as the celebrity gossip magazines and certain sectors of the mainstream media are concerned, but it looks as though a worthy replacement has been found, albeit so far, just a one-woman show.

Reasons not to stifle a yawn after the first round of the French parliamentary elections

Well that was an interesting weekend politically-speaking after the French went to the polls in the first round of the parliamentary elections, wasn't it?

No?

Oh all right then - predictable and tedious perhaps although it threw up a few fascinating results here and there.

And let's face it, TV and radio did their best to make a show of it, clearing their schedules and inviting all the usual suspects to comment and analyse.

Perhaps it wasn't quite the "triumph" for the Socialist party as suggested by an early headline on the BBC (thankfully it was changed to reflect better the actual outcome with a more measured "Socialists and allies win first round") but it was at least a promise of a reasonable working majority - either with or without Leftist partners after the second round of voting next Sunday.

In reality the biggest winner on the day was, as pointed out by many political pundits, the abstention rate.

Only 57.23 per cent of the country's 46 million voters turned out to cast their ballots. Or put another way, 42.77 per cent couldn't be bothered - a record for the fifth republic.

And although it might not seem so important, with France's complicated process of calculating which candidates can make it through to the second round, a number of them didn't make the required cut - even though at first sight they scored pretty high on the day.

Most of the government ministers who took the risk of standing - remember they didn't have to, but if they did and lost then they would be out on their ears - did pretty well.

Six of the 25 who stood were elected in the first round, among them big hitters prime minister Jean-Marc Ayrault and foreign minister Laurent Fabius.

A clutch of others should have no problem in the second-round run off including those considered to have taken the biggest risk: the minister of agriculture Stéphane Le Foll, and the culture minister, Aurélie Filippetti.

There could be one casualty after the second round though, in the shape of the minister for the disabled, Marie-Arlette Carlotti.

Some "personalities" from across the political spectrum came a cropper, most notably perhaps the former junior minister for human rights and later when that post was scrapped,  junior minister for sport, Rama Yade.

She didn't make it through to the second round in the constituency in which she was standing in the suburbs of Paris.

Yade, who was one of the three high-profile ethnic minority figures in Nicolas Sarkozy's first government now finds herself in a political wilderness of sorts, but at 36 is young and certainly talented enough to bounce back quickly.

The same cannot be said for François Bayrou. The leader of the Centrist party Mouvement démocrate (MoDem) has been a member of parliament for "his" Pyrénées-Atlantiques constituency (described as his "fiefdom" - so very typical of French politics) for donkeys years (well since 1988, when it was created).

But the multi-presidential candidate (three times so far) is in serious danger of losing out to the Socialist party's Nathalie Chabanne in the second round. Clearly Bayrou's gesture of openly declaring he would vote for François Hollande in the presidential run-off against Sarkozy is having its impact - and not in the way Bayrou would want.

And then there's Seggers - or Ségolène Royal if you wish - parachuted into a safe seat only to find herself up against another (more local) Socialist, Olivier Falorni.

He ignored party instructions not to stand and was summarily suspended. But he finished just behind Seggers in the first round, is continuing his prolonged fit of pique (in protest at the practice of candidates being parachuted) and could well cost Royal a seat.

The Socialist party's "Big Guns" including - figure this - Martine Aubrey - are rallying behind Seggers, proving there's nowt so peculiar or erratic as a politician.

It's a similar story for former interior minister Claude Guéant.

He too has been parachuted into a safe seat - this time in the Paris suburbs - for the centre-right Union pour un mouvement populaire (Union for a popular movement, UMP).

Just like Seggers, Guéant finds himself up against someone (Thierry Solère) from his own party who is locally-based and who's refusing to follow orders.

Finally in this briefest of brief looks (which is decidedly longer than intended) there was the much-publicised but ultimately flat duel between the two extremes in a constituency in the north of France: far-left leader Jean-Luc Mélenchon taking on far-right leader Marine Le Pen.

The two had of course traded verbal punches - or not, as one refused to debate directly with the other - in this year's presidential campaign for which they were both candidates.

On Sunday, Mélenchon failed to make it through to the second round, blaming everyone but himself in the process while Le Pen finished first and is still in with a shout (as far as she's concerned) of winning the seat.



Should she pull it off, she might not be the only member of the Front National - or the only Le Pen come to that - in the new parliament.

Gilbert Collard in one of the constituencies in the département of Gard in southern France, is well-placed to win his seat, especially if his UMP opponent, Etienne Mourrut pulls out of the three-way race (with the Socialist party's Katy Guyot).

Mourrut is apparently "hesitating".

Marion Maréchal-Le Pen (screenshot France 2 news)

No hesitation though for the Socialist party in one of the constituencies in the neighbouring département of Vaucluse.

It has withdrawn its candidate from the second round to allow the UMP contender to go head-to-head with a certain Marion Maréchal-Le Pen, yes the 22-year-old niece of Marine and granddaughter of Jean-Marie.

Maybe the most interesting outcome of the first round though is the possibility that the Front National stands a real chance of winning seats.

There might not be nearly as many as there were in 1986 when the party won 35 seats under the (thankfully) short-lived system of proportional representation introduced (for very political reasons of course) for the parliamentary elections by the then-president François Mitterrand.

But winning a handful of seats under the French system of first past the post would give the Front National the political credibility it craves and demands.

Little wonder then that Le Pen (Marine that is) is targeting some high profile UMP candidates by urging FN voters to "go Socialist" in a manner of speaking.

Perhaps though an event in that very constituency where  Mélenchon and Le Pen did battle last weekend best reflects the first round results or at least how many French might feel about them.

It was the fate of one of the other candidates - there were 14 of them - standing in that constituency, Daniel Cucchiaro.

An independent ecologist (always a bad sign),  Cucchiaro finished last; no shame in that as someone has to.

It was the style in which he did it though - winning zero per cent of ballots cast because...well...nobody had voted for him.

Dog food manufacturer's irresistible offer - not

Surely it's not meant to bamboozle - that would of course be reprehensible and probably illegal.

But the offer Royal Canin, the French manufacturer and supplier of dog food, is currently making, is hardly one either owners or their pets will drool over.

Added to that, there are also the hoops you have to jump through ("virtually" speaking) to take up the company's not-so generous promotional offer.

At first sight it all seems innocent enough. And that of course should be the clear sign that there's more to it than meets the proverbial eye.

That bright yellow sticker on the four-kilogramme bag of puppy biscuits offering three vouchers worth €24 seems to suggest there's a great saving to be made.

In fact, if you do the sums, Royal Canin would appear to be giving away the next four-kilogramme bag you buy (retail price €22, give or take the odd centime) and some money off the purchase after that.

Right?

Wrong.

Because, of course, all is not what it seems.

There's the very small print to read on the package - whose terms only become apparent when you log on to the company's site http://www.monchiot.royalcanin.fr/index.html to register, as required.

First up you're asked to complete an application form with your name, address and email.

Whoa - that online method of sending you unwanted (is there any other sort) junk mail.

Give Royal Canin its due though. It allows you to choose not to accept emails with other promotional offers.

Read the rules and regulations (does anyone - ever, really?), complete the promotional code (which you can find on the package) and move on to the next step.

Once there you're asked how many animals - dogs and cats - you have.

Huh?

Why?

Wasn't this supposed to be about getting money off a bag of puppy biscuits?

After all the name of the site suggest as much. http://www.monchiot.royalcanin.fr/index.html. Doesn't it?

Enter the age, sex, date of birth, breed and whether neutered.

You can have up to three dogs and/or cats (for their records and to market better their products probably) and if you don't have another animal apart from the one you've registered, you have to say as much. It's a required field.

Confirm your info.

The next page is one from which you can print your collector's card - and that's the point at which you realise that the conditions you didn't read properly on the package - mainly because they're written in the smallest of typeface - are all there repeated in glaring black and white.

All you have to do is:

Print the collector's card and attach in the appropriate place the following;

1). The receipt from the shop for the original purchase.

2). That yellow sticker from the package - into a space roughly 10 times smaller than the size of the sticker. Oh well. What the heck.

3). The barcode from the package. Scissors please!

Once you've assembled your Blue Peter project, you send the whole thing off to the address given and within three weeks you'll be sent your vouchers.

But "ta da". Here's the catch.

The three vouchers are worth €8 each (hey, Royal Canin can do maths) and may only be used - ONE AT A TIME - on an individual bag of...get this...15 kilogrammes. Recommended retail price €62.99.

So in other words to take full advantage of that fabulous €24 saving, you first have to fork out €188.97.

And that folks, is a "promotional offer", the likes of which you simply cannot fail to resist - n'est-ce pas?