SNCF report on "Hell on wheels" delay but not everyone is happy

Nathalie Kosciusko-Morizet is not a happy bunny - at least not when it comes to France's state-owned railway company, SNCF (Société Nationale des Chemins de fer français).

The French minister of transport (among other things) has threatened the company with sanctions and said that she had not been told the whole truth about the reasons behind that infamous 12-hour plus delay on the overnight train from Strasbourg to Nice and Port Bou just after Christmas.

The 4295 night train (screenshot from TF1 news report)

You might remember the so-called "Hell on wheels" trip on December 27 which saw the 600 passengers on board the 4295 night train endure a delay of 12 hours - the same length of time as the journey was supposed to take in the first place.

SNCF apologised (what else could it have done), offered all passengers a full refund and a free return ticket and announced that it would launch an internal inquiry and release a report on what exactly had caused the delay.

It has now published the 13-page "mea culpa", admitting that given the weather conditions and the number of personnel and logistical problems on the night in question, the train should never have left the platform at Strasbourg.

And at the top of a long list of reasons for the delay according to the report, which SNCF helpfully publishes in French on the English-language version of its site (grab a dictionary perhaps if you want to read all the details) is the time it took to find a replacement driver during a stop just 150 kilometres into its journey in the eastern French city of Belfort.

It was "a failure of planning" admits the report, a simple statement that has earned SNCF the wrath of Kosciusko-Morizet or NKM as she's commonly called here in France.

"That's not what I was told at the beginning," the minister for ecology, sustainable development, transport and housing (to give NKM her full title) said in a radio interview on Tuesday.

"When I was given the reason why it took so long for the replacement driver to arrive (he had to travel almost 350 kilometres from Lyon to Belfort) I was told he couldn't get there on time because of the weather."

As far as NKM was concerned she had been lied to (she used stronger words, but there might be children reading) and she was now going to "find out who was responsible for the error in planning and look into whether there would be sanctions to be imposed."

NKM wasn't the only person unhappy with the report.

Not surprisingly perhaps the unions were less than tender with SNCF's explanations with Sud-Rail saying in a statement that "The report is nothing more than hot air."

And a regional branch of the passengers association, Association des Usagers des Chemins de Fer de la Région Ouest (Avuc) has launched a petition "Fed up with SNCF".

So a bad PR end to 2010 for SNCF has hardly been helped by an equally miserable attempt to offer a mea culpa at the beginning of 2011.

Things can only get better - surely

New Year "giving" in France; les étrennes and too many calendars

It's not just Christmas that is a time for giving in France.

New Year also sees the practice of giving in cash or in kind to a number of people in specific jobs.

It's the tradition of "les étrennes" or the New Year's gifts given to postal workers, firefighters, rubbish collectors (think that is just about as non-sexist as you can get in describing the jobs) and (where they still exist) apartment block concierges or gardiens, perhaps most accurately translated as janitor or caretaker in English.

As far as concierges or caretakers are concerned, "To celebrate the New Year," writes Christine Henry, a reporter for the daily Aujourd'hui en France - Le Parisien, "It's customary to slip a small envelope (with cash) or offer a box of chocolates or a bottle of champagne to a concierge as thanks for services rendered throughout the year."

Those services include ones not necessarily stipulated in their employment contract such as watering plants, walking the dog or simply being (extra) friendly!

It's also, as Henry points out, a tradition as much in decline as the job itself as the French are counting the centimes and some at least are reluctant to dig very deep into their pockets.

A report on Sunday evening's edition of France 3 news suggested that the amount given, or the form the gift takes, is no longer to be taken for granted. And while most of those interviewed happily agreed that les étrennes were by and large deserved, they reserved the right to determine their exact level.

So much for the concierges, What about the sapeur-pompiers, or firefighters who right now are busy knocking on doors offering their 2011 calendar?

Well, the problem with the calendar they're "giving away" - apart perhaps from the fact that it has nothing remotely "Dieux du Stade" about it, which might come as a disappointment to those fantasising about men (and women) in uniform - is that there's nothing very voluntary about the contribution you're expected to make for a calendar you don't particularly want.

But you'll end up buying it, unless you're a complete misery, because of the 250,000 firefighters in France, almost 80 percent of them are volunteers and you could well owe your life to them at some point in the future.

Almanach du facteur, 2011

And similarly you'll probably already have been offered - and made a contribution to - the Almanach du facteur or the Postman/woman's calendar.

What in the past might have featured pictures of historical figures and events is nowadays more than likely to contain photos of cute kittens, puppies and meaningless landscapes.

Once again even though it's free, a contribution - left to your discretion - is expected. And you can hardly refuse to "buy" one.

In all fairness, certainly in rural parts of France, those delivering the mail provide a service above and beyond the proverbial call of duty.

Posties have been a Godsend to many an elderly person stranded in their homes during the recent cold snap.

Finally there are the rubbish collectors. They too are traditionally entitled to "a little something" but more and more local authorities have clamped down on the practice in recent years because "fake dustmen" have been going from door-to-door pretending to be collecting on behalf of the real ones.

The main problem with all this less-than-warm-hearted virtually institutionalised giving is that nobody really seems to know how much to give or whether to give at all come to that.

And while for some concierges and gardiens the cash received, for what is after all a low-paid job, can constitute a welcome 13th month of salary, there is surely a limit as to what use they can make of so much chocolate or champagne.

Fined for parking a tractor...in Paris

We've surely all at one time or another had a brush with bureaucracy that has left us perhaps exasperated at the "jobsworth" attitude of some people and frustrated but shoulder-shrugging at the "them's the rules" of others.

Occasionally though mistakes are made that surely cannot fail to bring a smile to the face, especially when they are so self-evidently ridiculous.

Such is the case of Patrick Pilak who, just before Christmas, opened up his mail to discover a fine for a "parking infringement" issued in Paris.

(Screenshot from France 3 news)

Not so strange, you might be thinking. After all, if you're at all familiar with Paris you'll know just how difficult it can be to find a parking space at the best of times and the pre-Christmas shopping period was one that certainly encouraged the capital's motorists to be more "creative" than ever.

Except Pilak isn't from Paris. In fact he's from nowhere near the city.

He's a farmer in the village of Gouzougnat in the département of Creuse slap, bang in the heart of rural France in the département of Creuse and almost 400 kilometres from the French capital.

And that fine? Well it wasn't just for your run-of-the-mill hatchback, a family saloon or even a hulking four-wheel drive some might insist piloting around Paris.

Nope (worse perhaps) it was for a tractor, owned by Pilak, which had apparently been illegally parked on the rue du Faubourg Saint-Denis at a point at which the street could most be definitely described as "colourful" or "a quarter best known for its ladies of easy virtue" as France 3 television described it.

It didn't take the 49-year-old bio farmer long to work out that there must have been some sort of mistake.

The registration number of the vehicle that had committed the infraction tallied with that of his tractor, but it was also described as a "Ford" whereas Pilak drove a "Renault"...around his fields.

Apart from that of course, he couldn't possibly have been in Paris at the time in question as he had been working.

"I replied by registered mail explaining that the vehicle that had apparently been parked illegally was in fact a tractor - my tractor," he told France 3 news.

"And I added that I couldn't possibly have been where the alleged offence took place at the time indicated because I was working almost 400 kilometres away."

Pilak doesn't intend to pay the €11 fine and of course realises that that there has been some sort of mix-up, but just to drive (sorry) home the point he calculated for Agence France Presse how long the (one-way) journey time would be from Gouzougnat to Paris.

"If I wanted to go to Paris it certainly wouldn't be by tractor,' he said.

"At 15 kilometres per hour maximum speed it would take more than 24 hours to make the trip."